


Edge Of Insanity

by Ahmose_Inarus



Series: Let Me In [24]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Attempted Murder, M/M, Mental Anguish, Mental Instability, Mental Institutions, Murder, Panic Attacks, Psychological Torture, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Rape Aftermath, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-10 07:18:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 43,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17421491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ahmose_Inarus/pseuds/Ahmose_Inarus
Summary: Reid not only fails his psych eval, he is sent to Willow Ridge; a state run long term care psychiatric facility. Reid stayed strong in the past, but this is more than even he can take... Will the team get him out before it's too late?





	1. Chapter 1

Haley Brooks-Hotchner paced back and forth. She had just dropped Jack off at pre-school and had the day to herself. But she didn’t know what to do. She didn’t sleep last night. She couldn’t. She kept running things through her mind… little scenes she had glimpsed in her rearview mirror… Aaron and Dr. Reid holding hands… Aaron kissing Dr. Reid… And of course, walking into his office and finding the boy in the man’s arms. And Dr. Reid was… LIVING with Aaron! 

And then there were the words of her own son…

“… Jack?”

“Hm?” 

“… Is… Dr. Reid with you a lot when you spend a few days with daddy?”

“Yeah.”

“Does he spend the night with daddy?”

“Yeah.”

“Where does he sleep?”

“With daddy.”

“Does daddy… hug Dr. Reid?”

“Yeah.”

“Does he ever… kiss him?”

“… It’s a secret.”

“Jack?” 

“Sometimes when they think I’m sleeping.” 

“How long have Daddy and Dr. Reid been having… sleepovers?”

“I dunno.”

Haley found herself with tears in her eyes again, and covered her mouth with her hand. God… What had Aaron done?

Dr. Reid, obviously… A nasty little voice in her head chuckled. She froze, then shook her head and grabbed her keys, leaving the house. She drove, her mind in anguish. She didn’t know whether to scream, cry, or do both. She parked in front of the building and sat there for a moment, then got out of the car and headed inside. The doorman nodded to her with a smile. She made her way to the apartment and stood in front of the door, screwed up her courage, and knocked. Then she waited. A moment later, the door was unlocked and opened. 

“… Haley.” Hotch said, blinking as he stood there in boxers and bathrobe, hair disheveled with a cup of coffee in his hand. “Is everything okay? Where’s Jack?”

“He’s at pre-school.” Haley said, stepping in. “And no. Everything is NOT okay.”

“What’s wrong?”

“… You tell me.” She hissed, turning to face him as he closed the door. Hotch gave her a confused look. “Where is he, Aaron?”

“… I’m sorry?” Hotch asked. Haley shook her head, and looked at the sofa. The bed was not folded out.

“Where’s Dr. Reid?” She asked, gesturing to the sofa. “I think he’s too tall to sleep in that racecar bed you got Jack.”

“… He left early.” Hotch said quickly. 

“… Without his badge and gun? Sure.” Haley said.

“He’s coming back. Haley, what’s this about?”

“Oh, I think you can guess.” Haley hissed, then whirled and stormed down the hall. 

“Haley!” Hotch called, and set the coffee down before chasing after her. But he wasn’t fast enough. Haley threw open the door to his bedroom and stood there, staring at the long, lithe form that was stretched out on the left side of the bed. What had once been HER side of the bed…

“Rnnng…” Reid grumbled, dragging a pillow over his head.

“You little slut…” Haley hissed.

“Haley!” Hotch cried, making a grab for her arm, but he missed as she moved across the room with long strides

“YOU LITTLE SLUT!” She shouted, and Reid bolted upright in bed, startled out of his doze. But he didn’t even have time to register Haley’s presence before his head was whipped to the side by a harsh slap. “You filthy bastard!” He heard a woman screaming, and then he was slapped again.

“HALEY!!! STOP!!!” He heard a male voice shout… it sounded like Hotch, but… it was harsh and angry. His heart began to pound. He began to feel dizzy as he gasped for breath. He cried out as he was slapped again, this time fingernails catching his cheek and leaving scratches.

“You little son of a bitch!” The woman was still shouting.

“STOP IT!” The man responded. “HALEY STOP!!!” Things got blurry…

“I’LL KILL YOU!!! I WARNED YOU!!! I TOLD YOU IF YOU HURT HIM I WOULD KILL YOU!!! YOU SON OF A BITCH!!! YOU KILLED HIM!!! YOU KILLED HIM!!!”

Paloma’s voice echoed through his head. There was blood on his hands…

“No…” Reid whimpered, curling up into the fetal position and rocking himself lightly. “No… No no no…”

Hotch finally dragged Haley back and shoved her away, running to the bed and dragging Reid towards the edge.

“Spencer…” He gasped, taking the boy’s face in his hands and looking him in the eyes. But Reid’s eyes were glazed and unfocused, and he was hyperventilating. “Between your knees, Spencer…” Hotch instructed gently, pressing Reid’s head down. “Head between your knees… breathe… in and out… slowly, Spencer. There you go…”

Haley watched from where she stood against the wall. She watched her ex-husband’s hands rub gentle circles over the young man’s back. As Reid slowly calmed, Hotch removed his robe and flung it around Reid’s trembling body, and Reid drew it tightly around himself.

“Easy, baby…” Hotch murmured. “… better?” Reid gulped and nodded, his tremors finally abating. Slowly, Hotch stood and turned, fixing dark eyes on Haley. They stared at each other for a long time. Reid squirmed a bit, not liking the tension in the room.

Then, Haley walked across the room and stood before Hotch. They stared each other in the eye, and then Haley slapped him. Hotch’s face turned to the side, but he didn’t blink. He turned back to face her.

“… Are you finished?” He asked.

“Not even close.” Haley hissed. “How could you?”

“… I love him.” Hotch said, gently. “I have for a long time. Let’s take this out to the living room.”

“No.” Haley snapped, shooting a look of loathing at the young man curled up on her ex husband’s bed. “He can listen to results of this mess he’s made.”

“HE didn’t do this, Haley.” Hotch said, harshly.

“How long have you been sleeping with him?!” Haley demanded to know.

“… nine, ten months.” Hotch admitted. Haley stared at him. “You and I had been divorced for over a year. And YOU filed for that divorce. You also wanted me to sign the papers uncontested. I did. The moment I signed those papers, I was free to see whomever I wanted. At least I waited until I was officially single before I saw someone else.”

“What are you talking about?!”

“Come on, Haley.” Hotch scoffed, shaking his head. “I’m a profiler. Did you really think you could hide an affair from me?”

“Considering how often you weren’t home…?” Haley snorted, crossing her arms. She eyed Reid in distaste, and shook her head. “You’re disgusting, Aaron. And if this wasn’t bad enough, you involved Jack!?”

“Jack loves Reid! And he doesn’t know about our relationship!”

“LIKE HELL HE DOESN’T!!!” Haley shouted. “How do you think I found out?! I had to find out from YOUR SON!!! Your YOUNG SON!!! He told me that you were KISSING him!”

“… We never did that in front of him… we were discreet.” Reid gasped, his voice tiny and scared.

“When you thought he was asleep.” Haley hissed, shooting a glare at Reid. “And then what?!” She turned back to Hotch. “Would you go to bed and… and…”

“We never do anything beyond kissing when Jack is here. And we never will. I promise.”

“Oh…” Haley laughed, shaking her head. “No, you won’t. Because Jack is NEVER staying with you again!”

“Haley…” Hotch snarled, his eyes flashing. “You will NOT keep me from my son.”

“Watch me.” She snapped, then glared at Reid. “And you… you little tramp… Do you make it a habit to sleep with your superiors?!”

“Haley.” Hotch interrupted, stepping between his past and present mates.

“Did he sleep with Gideon, too!?”

“NO!” Reid cried, jumping to his feet.

“Spencer, I’ll handle this.” Hotch said.

“No! I can defend myself!” Reid shouted, now looking enraged. “Not only is Aaron the only person I have ever been with willingly, he was my first!”

“And you think that makes what you’re doing okay?!” Haley snapped. 

“And what’s wrong with what we’re doing?!” Hotch demanded. “I love him. I did not cheat on you. I’m not your husband anymore.” The man said. “And that was YOUR choice. Not mine. I would have stayed with you, Haley. It was you who left me.”

“No, Aaron. You left me long ago.” Haley hissed. “You left me for your job. For… THAT.” And she pointed accusingly at Reid. 

“I never chose between anything.”

“Well, you are now.” Haley hissed. “As long as you’re with… HIM…” And she shot Reid a look again, “You are NOT coming anywhere NEAR my son!”

“I am NOT choosing between the people I love!”

“Oh yes you are.” Haley snarled. “And I plan to file a restraining order. I do not want HIM,” and she jabbed a finger in Reid’s direction, “Anywhere near Jack EVER again!”

“Haley, you—“

“And YOU should be worrying about whether or not I let YOU near Jack ever again!”

“… You wouldn’t dare.” Hotch snarled in a low tone. Reid tensed; he knew how dangerous that tone was.

“And what will you do?” Haley demanded to know. “File for custody?”

“I AM a lawyer, Haley. Or maybe you’ve forgotten?!”

“Like that’s supposed to scare me, Aaron? You’re out of town more often than not, work ridiculous hours when you’re IN town, and you’re in a homosexual relationship with an underling?! Yeah, right… You’re not THAT good.” And with that, she turned and swept out of the room. Hotch just watched her go, and didn’t even blink when he heard the front door slam.

Hotch let out a sigh and turned. “I’m sorry about that, Spencer.” He said, then stared. Reid sat there shaking, tears pouring down his face. “Spencer?” Hotch gasped, hurrying over and kneeling before the boy, placing his hands on his cheeks and wiping away his tears with his thumb. “Spencer… what’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry…” Reid whimpered, shaking his head. “God Hotch, I’m SO sorry…”

“What? No…” Hotch murmured. “No… you have NOTHING to be sorry for, baby. You didn’t do anything wrong… We knew she would find out eventually…”

“But… Jack…”

“She won’t keep me from him.” Hotch said firmly. “Nothing will.”

“Aaron… I… But… He’s your SON!”

“And you are my…” Hotch trailed off, and Reid blinked at the man’s thoughtful look.

“… Your subordinate.” Reid mumbled.

“My heart.” Hotch told him, staring him in the eye. “For better or worse. You are my boyfriend. My lover. My mate. Whatever you want to call it. We are one, and I won’t let anything come between us any more than I would let someone keep me from my son.”

“And what if you have to… choose?” Reid asked softly. Hotch just stared at him. “You have to choose Jack, Aaron. I won’t ever hold it against you. He’s your son.”

“That’s not going to happen.” Hotch assured Reid. “It will NEVER come to that.” Reid opened his mouth to argue, but Hotch pressed a finger to his lips. Reid blinked, then sighed and closed his eyes as the man kissed his forehead. “Everything will be fine.” Hotch murmured. “I promise. Now get dressed. I have to go to work, and if you’re coming along you need to be ready to go.” 

Reid nodded and moved to shower and dress. Then he and Hotch hopped into the car and headed to the BAU. 

“Hey! Pretty boy!”

“There’s my Buttercream.” Garcia cooed, and Hotch just smiled to himself as his lover was snatched from his side, and chuckled as he watched Reid finding himself the focus of playful teasing and pampering. He would normally scold them and tell them to get back to work, but excitement was high with the prospect of Reid coming back to work on Monday once the results of his psych eval was in. Oh… speak of the devil… He sat down behind his desk and ripped open the envelope, unfolding the letter and reading. 

He tensed. His eyes widened in disbelief. The more he read, the harder he gripped the paper and the colder and colder he felt. Words jumped out at him.

‘… severe symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress…’

‘… psychotic break possible…’

‘… inevitable threat to himself and others…’

‘… manifestations of Schizophrenia…’

‘… committed to a facility for psychiatric treatment immediately…’

“No…” Hotch gasped. His blood slithered through his veins, thick and cold… his gut congealed…

‘Manifestations of Schizophrenia… committed…’ It took him several moments to realize that his phone was ringing. He answered it. 

“Hotchner.” He said, his voice holding strong.

“Aaron…”

“Chief Strauss…”

“Did you receive the letter from Dr. Carlson?”

“There must be some mistake. I need to speak with him.”

“I’m afraid that’s not possible.” Strauss said, her voice heavy with regret. “I’m sorry Aaron… but the Bureau must follow his recommendation.”

“Why can’t I speak with him?!” Hotch demanded.

“He resigned. He’s gone.” Strauss said. “I’ve already made the call.”

“… What call?” Hotch growled, his tone low and deadly.

“… I’ve called Willow Ridge.” She said. Hotch sat there, stunned. Willow Ridge… The nearest state run long term care psychiatric hospital. “They’re on their way. I know this is a difficult thing for you, Agent Hotchner… but I need you to see that things go as smoothly as possible when they get here in a few minutes.”

“… Agent Reid is not going to go quietly.” Hotch gasped.

“Well… you need to make him go quietly.” Strauss said. “I’m sorry, Aaron… this is over all of our heads. Neither of us can do anything but try to make this go as smoothly as possible when they get here to pick him up.” And she hung up. Hotch sat there for a long time, frozen. He didn’t know how long it was before he finally set down the phone. Slowly, he stood and walked out of his office. 

“BAU team to the conference room please.” He heard himself say. They all looked up, then moved. “Reid. Stay.” He said. Reid blinked, and slowly sat back down again. The team headed to the conference room, exchanging worried glances as they watched their Unit Chief pace restlessly.

“… Hotch?” Morgan asked.

“I just got Reid’s psych eval results.” Hotch said.

“Is… something wrong?” JJ asked.

“He didn’t pass.” Hotch said.

“So he… needs more time to recover.” Garcia said softly.

“… It’s worse than that.” Hotch said, and turned to face them. “… The Bureau is sending him to Willow Ridge.”

“What?” Rossi blurted. Hotch sighed and looked at the letter in his hands. 

“Dr. Carlson has diagnosed Reid with Post Traumatic Stress and the be--” He took a deep breath. “The beginnings of schizophrenia.”

“Oh my God…” Morgan breathed.

“He said that a psychotic break is strongly possible and he should be committed immediately…”

“What?!” Garcia gasped. “No! Oh no!!!”

“Hotch! You can’t let them do that!” Morgan cried, leaping to his feet.

“We all know how much the idea of being committed scares him…” Garcia whimpered, tears rolling down her face.

“… You think I don’t know?!” Hotch snapped, shaking his head. “I have no say in this. This came from above me. From above Strauss… We don’t have any choice… Strauss has given us the job of getting Reid to go quietly.”

“If we do that… Spence will never trust us again…” JJ pointed out.

“Which is why I want you all to make yourselves scarce and stay out of it.” Hotch said.

“No way, man.” Morgan said. “I’m not leaving my boy here without backup.”

“I agree.” Emily said, finally speaking up. “He needs to know that we have his back and that we believe in him…”

“… This isn’t gonna be pretty…” Rossi drawled.


	2. Chapter 2

Down in the bullpen, Reid sat at his desk reading a book. He didn’t notice the glass doors opening.

“Agent Reid.” He looked up at Strauss’ call. Then he froze. The woman was standing there, flanked by four men wearing navy blue scrub pants and white shirts, wearing latex gloves.

“… Ma’am?” He asked, slowly standing.

“I need for you to go with these gentlemen.” Strauss said.

“Why?” Reid demanded. “Where?”

“Willow Ridge.” Strauss told him. She watched the young man go white as a sheet, his eyes widening and pupils dilating dramatically. His entire body began to tremble, and he slowly took a step back. The men from Willow Ridge tensed and began to fan out, moving to block his escape routes. Reid’s heart pounded… he knew that they would be armed with sedatives.

“Reid…” He turned when he heard his supervisor call his name. The team had exited the conference room and were standing in a line on the walkway. JJ and Garcia were clinging to one another, tears in their eyes. Emily and Rossi were standing side by side in front of them, both wearing grim looks of concern. Morgan stood right behind Hotch, fury and disbelief burning in his eyes.

“Hotch?” Reid whimpered, staring at his team, eyes begging them to tell him that it was all a mistake. Hotch moved down into the bullpen and walked over to Reid, fighting hard to keep a straight face as he took in the youth’s terrified appearance. “Hotch?” Reid asked again when the man reached him. Hotch sighed, and held out the letter. Reid took it, and read it through several times. Finally, he looked up at Hotch. “… this is a mistake…” 

“… I know.” Hotch assured him. “But they don’t. And until we can prove it, you need to go with them… Okay?” He took the letter back, staring at Reid.

“… I’m gonna be sick.” Reid blurted, his knees buckling. Hotch dropped to his own knees and managed to shove the trash can from under Reid’s desk into Reid’s hands just in time for the boy to expel the contents of his stomach.

The rest of the team moved. JJ hurried to Reid’s side and brushed his hair back while Hotch ran a hand up and down the boy’s back. Garcia appeared with a wet hand towel, laying it over the back of Reid’s neck. 

“Shhhh… it’s okay, angelfish…” She crooned. Reid just shook his head before he heaved into the wastebasket again. The team stood by him until he calmed down, and then Hotch guided Reid to sit back on the floor, leaning against the desk. Rossi knelt, lifting a glass of water up to Reid’s lips and helped him sip it slowly while Garcia took the cloth from Reid’s neck and began to gently run it over his face.

“… Dr. Reid.” Strauss called after a few moments. Reid’s eyes snapped up to her, and he struggled to his feet. “You need to go, now.”

“No.” Reid said quickly, backing away. “No… this is a mistake… I’m not going… I’m not…”

“Agent Reid, you—“

“I’M NOT CRAZY!!!” Reid screamed, and Strauss froze, eyes wide in shock. “I… am not… crazy…” Reid hissed, but then shifted his eyes, nervously. He looked at his team. “… Am I?” He breathed, more terror in his eyes than they had ever seen before.

“Agent Reid…” Strauss tried again, glaring at Hotch. The man wasn’t doing anything.

“I’m not going…”

“Agent Reid, you—“

“I’M NOT!!!” Reid shouted, and then bolted.

“Reid, don’t!” Hotch cried. Reid had dashed up the stairs and was on the walkway between Hotch and Rossi’s offices. Two of the men were making their way up the stairs on either side of Reid. Reid looked back and forth, eyes wide, then leapt over the railing and landed on a desk. He scrambled over Emily’s desk, jumped across the walkway to Mogan’s, knocking Strauss to the floor in the process, and then leapt towards the glass doors of the BAU. He darted through them and across the area outside of the elevators, disappearing into the stairwell. 

Strauss stood and was immediately on Morgan’s phone.

“This is Section Chief Erin Strauss, I need the building locked down. Dr. Spencer Reid is to be apprehended immediately.” She ordered as the officers ran out of the bull pen in pursuit of the panicked young man. Strauss hung up the phone and glared at the team. “This is what you were supposed to prevent.”

“We can’t.” Morgan snapped. “We can’t betray our teammate like this!”

“Well right now, I am ordering you to help bring him in quietly.” Strauss snapped, and stormed out.

“… She’s right.” Hotch said, and Morgan stared at the man.

“What?!”

“The longer this goes on, the harder it will be for Reid. Morgan… I’m not asking you to help me. But I have to go do what I can to get Reid to surrender himself.” And Hotch walked away, heading for the stairs. Slowly, one by one, the others followed him, equipping themselves with radios and ear pieces. Garcia headed to her office and began to check security cameras.

“Okay…” She said, her voice quavering. “He… went down stairs… to the first floor. He… ran into the men’s locker rooms… he saw security at the front doors… okay… He… he’s running into the gym. It’s empty. He’s… pacing… its pretty random. I think it’s panic… He… oh, my poor baby… don’t cry…”

“Garcia!” Hotch called sternly.

“I-I’m sorry… He’s on his knees… And… he’s looking up and running and… he’s under the bleachers!” Garcia called. “He’s hiding in the bleachers!”

“Let’s go.” Hotch said. They made their way down the stairs and into the gym. Hotch caught the attention of security, and Strauss came in a moment later with the officers from Willow Ridge. Hotch held up a hand to everyone, then turned and faced the bleachers.

“… Spencer?” He called gently. “We know you’re in there... please come out?” There was no response. “Spencer, I’m coming over. No one is with me. Okay?” He waited a moment, then slowly approached. He walked around to the side of the bleachers and peered under them. But it was dark. He waved at Morgan and pantomimed holding up a flashlight. Morgan nodded and took one from one of the security guards, rolling it across the floor. Hotch knelt and caught it, then flicked it on and shone the beam into the shadows under the bleachers. He spotted Reid quickly.

The boy was curled up, trembling violently, hiding his face in his knees and rocking himself, hugging his legs to his chest. He flinched when the light fell upon him.

“Spencer… please baby…” Hotch murmured softly, just loud enough for Reid to hear. “I love you… you know that, right?” No response from the boy. “Spencer. I swear to you… I am going to fight this. I am not going to let you stay there. I know the diagnosis is bullshit. But we have no choice. You have to go. I promise you, it’s not for long. Getting you out is my first priority.” 

Slowly, Reid lifted his head and peered out at the man. Hotch winced at the sight of the boy’s red rimmed eyes.

“… please…” Reid whispered. “Please don’t let them take me…” Hotch winced, setting down the flashlight and holding out his hands, palm up. Reid hid his face again.

“I’m going to go with you.” Hotch told him, slowly beginning to creep closer. “I can’t stop them from taking you… but I’m not going to let you go alone.”

“Aaron, please…”

“Spencer. I’m trying to make this as easy on you as possible. But you have make an effort here, too.”

“I’m not going.” Reid hissed. 

“Spencer… you don’t have a choice about whether or not you go. The only thing you can choose is how easy to let this play out. You’re only making this harder on everyone.”

Reid looked up and started when he saw Hotch was so close. He was only a few feet away.

“Please baby…” Hotch murmured. “Don’t make this any harder on yourself… I’m going to get you out. I promise.” Reid stared at him for a long time, then threw himself forward into the man’s arms. Hotch caught him and held him close, closing his eyes at the heartbreaking sobs and fearful tremors that ran through the youth’s form. “Shhhh… shhhh… I’ve got you… come on, baby. It’s all going to be okay… come on.” And he guided Reid out from under the bleachers.

Reid took one glance at all the people around and hid his face in Hotch’s shirt, clinging tightly for the man. “I can’t!” He whimpered, shaking his head. “I can’t… I can’t…”

One of the men from Willow Ridge walked over and reached out. But the moment he laid a hand on Reid, the boy jumped and shouted, whirling and lashing out at the man before trying to bolt again. But Hotch wrapped his arms around the boy.

“Stop!” Hotch ordered, and the pair toppled to he ground. “REID! STOP!!!” He howled, then yelped as he got an elbow to the ribs. “Morgan!”

Morgan ran over and knelt, trying to help his Unit Chief contain the frantic youth. A moment later one of the men from Willow Ridge knelt, straddling Reid’s knees and pinning the young agent down with his weight. He seized Reid’s pants and jerked them down just enough to bare a bit of his buttock, and plunged a needle into the soft flesh. Reid cried out, thrashing, but the man had emptied the contents of the syringe and within moments, Reid’s struggles began to weaken and his cries faded to pathetic whimpers.

Slowly, Morgan, Hotch and the Willow Ridge man, whose nametag said ‘Barry’, all backed off. They watched, the team with pained looks, as Reid began to drag himself away, gasping and crying. But he only got two feet away before he no longer had the strength. Then he just lay there, pathetic little mewls escaping his lips every now and then. Barry went to talk to his associates and they left the room.

Hotch slowly knelt and rolled Reid over onto his back, sliding an arm under his shoulders and lifting him up to lean against the elder’s chest. Strauss watched silently as Rossi knelt down on Reid’s left side, Morgan on the right.

“Hotch… please don’t do this to me…” Reid whimpered, tears falling from his unfocused eyes.

“… I’m so sorry…” Hotch gasped.

“We’re gonna get you out of there, kid.” Morgan murmured.

Reid closed his eyes, more tears rolling down his face. Emily slowly knelt, laying her hand on Reid’s knee, gently squeezing it. 

A moment later the door opened and the men from Willow Ridge came in wheeling a gurney. JJ and Garcia came behind them, JJ bravely holding Garcia’s hand while the poor woman blotted at her eyes with a hot pink hanky. 

When Reid saw the men from Willow Ridge, his eyes widened and his breathing picked up again.

“Shhh…” Hotch soothed. He waved Rossi back and moved to Reid’s side, sliding his arms under the boy’s knees and shoulders, lifting him up off of the floor and turning, laying him down on the gurney. Reid just stared at him, eyes rolling in fright as the men wrapped padded restraints around his wrists. Hotch took Reid’s hand and walked beside him as he was wheeled out of the room and down the corridor.

Many agents watched, either in silence or whispering to one another, as Reid was brought past them. He was wheeled out the front door, and he closed his eyes at the glaring sun, tightening his grip on his lover’s fingers. Hotch laid his free hand on the boy’s shoulder. Then he stared at the truck, the back doors open and waiting. 

Reid opened his eyes for a moment, and when they landed on the truck, he panicked.

“No!” He cried, beginning to hyperventilate and struggle against his restraints.

“Shhh…” Hotch murmured to him, laying a hand on the youth’s forehead. “Shhhh… Don’t… it’s okay… calm down…” He murmured. Reid whimpered as the gurney was loaded into the back of the vehicle, and he stared up at Hotch as the man knelt beside him, gently running his fingers through the young man’s hair in a soothing manor. Reid stared out of the back of the truck, tears flooding down his face at the sight of his team…

Garcia stood between Kevin and Morgan, clinging to their hands and crying. JJ’s eyes were full of tears and Rossi had awkwardly put an arm around her. Emily stood stiff, her face betraying her grief and fury. Even Strauss looked upset…

Then the doors closed and latched, and Reid closed his eyes… he was so tired.

“… Spencer?” He heard his elder lover call. “Are you okay?”

“… No…” Reid whispered. “I’m not crazy…”

“I know…”

“… But I will be.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t think that…” He trailed off for a moment, then ran his tongue over his lips and opened his eyes, staring up at Hotch. “I don’t think I’ll be able to keep my sanity in there…” Hotch frowned, worried. “We all have a breaking point, Hotch…” Reid continued. “And I can already feel that… that mine is too close…” His voice broke on the last word and he shook in suppressed sobs.

“Shhh… just stay calm.” Hotch said gently. “Everything is going to be okay. I promise. Just stay strong for me. I’m going to get to the bottom of this. Do you trust me to do this?”

“… Yes.” Reid whispered. 

“Okay then. I just need for you to rest. You can’t stress yourself out like this, you’ll make yourself sick.” Hotch told him. Reid just stared at him. “I know you’re fighting the sedative. Don’t.” The elder continued. “Rest. I’m not leaving your side. I swear it.” And he gently forced Reid’s eyes to close with his fingertips. Reid let out a deep sigh and turned his head towards the man, allowing him to soothe him to sleep.

When they arrived at Willow Ridge, Reid was taken straight to the hospital ward. A doctor was already waiting.

“You must be Agent Hotchner. I’m Dr. Devereux.” She said, holding out her hand. Hotch wanted to refuse to shake it, but he knew that this wasn’t her fault, and it wouldn’t be fair to immaturely take his anger out on her, so he accepted her gesture and they shook hands.

“They sedated him.” He said.

“I know. They called me on their way in.” She said, pulling out a penlight and peeling up the boy’s eyelids, shining the light into his glassy orbs. She then took his temperature, pulse and respiration rate, followed by his blood pressure. “You can go now, Agent Hotchner. I’m going to have to undress him to do a full physical.”

“No.” Hotch said. “I swore to him that I would NOT leave his side.” Hotch said. She looked at him. “If he wakes up and I’m not here…”

“Agent Hotchner, I know what I’m doing. This isn’t my first ball game.”

“This is your first with HIM.” Hotch said sternly. “You have to understand… his mother is paranoid schizophrenic. He had her institutionalized the day he turned eighteen.”

“I am aware of his history.” Dr. Devereux said.

“What you are NOT aware of is that Reid spent his entire young life watching her deteriorate, and knowing that he could be watching his own future. He hardly ever visits her for the same reason… The guilt that he had put her there against her will, and the fear that he would one day be in her place… that’s the thing that scares him more than anything in this world. This is literally his worst nightmare turned real… And he’s NOT going to take this well.”

Dr. Devereux sighed. “Alright. Stay. But if your presence isn’t helping, I will have you removed, forcibly if I must.”

“Understood. But I assure you, he will be much calmer in my presence.” Hotch told her.

“… Alright.”

 

When Reid began to wake, the first thing he registered was the hand holding his own, and the fingers running through his hair. Then he became aware of the fuzziness in his mind… he had been drugged… sedated… was he in the hospital?

Wait… a firm pressure around his wrists… he had been restrained. Then, he remembered…

“… Hotch?”

“Hey…” The man’s voice soothed his nerves. When Reid opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was the man’s loving smile. “Hey, baby…” Reid looked around. “Do you remember what happened?”

“… I’m in the Willow Ridge Hospital Ward.” Reid whispered, an odd look overcoming him.

“How do you feel?”

“… How do you think I feel?”

“I’m sorry, Spencer.”

“It’s not your fault, Hotch.”

“Dr. Reid.” They both turned. “I’m Dr. Devereux.” The woman walked over, giving Reid a gentle smile. She reached out and laid a hand on the boy’s arm. “Do you know what’s going on?”

“I know I’ve been sent here on a bogus diagnosis.” Reid growled, trying to pull his arm away from her touch. She respectfully took her hand off of him.

“Well… I will be the judge of that.” She said. “Your Unit Chief is adamant that you are of sound mind. So for now, I will not be checking you in as a paranoid schizophrenic… I will be checking you in as undiagnosed. I will come to my own conclusions.”

Reid stared at her for a long time, then slowly nodded.

“… okay.” He whispered, and Hotch closed his eyes, relief flooding through him.

 

“Hotch!” The team all rushed the man the moment he walked into the Bull Pen.

“He’s fine.” Hotch said immediately. “He wants to see you. All of you.”

“what happened?” JJ gasped.

“He’s been placed under the care of Doctor Devereux. She and I had a long talk. She’s checking him in as undiagnosed. She’s going to work with him for a while and decide for herself what his mental condition is.”

“Oh thank God…” Prentiss gasped.

“Can we go now?” Garcia demanded to know.

“No.” Hotch said. “Right now, we need to let him settle in and calm down. We can visit in the morning.”

 

Reid followed Dr. Devereux through the doorway.

“This will be your room as long as you’re here, Dr. Reid.” She said, smiling up at the lanky young man. Reid stared around. The walls were a pale blue, the carpet was a plain off white. A faded print of a water color painting featuring a beach was on the wall above the bed, that had a worn comforter featuring a pale blue floral print. The wood was a light colored birch, as were the bedside tables, the desk and the dresser.

The room attempted to be warm and inviting, but Reid felt none of that. It was his prison.

“Dinner is at six.” Dr. Devereux told him. “In the dining room. Are there any dietary issues I should know about? Allergies?”

“… Lactose Intolerant. Mild. Usually I just take some Tums or something…” Reid mumbled. “… And I won’t eat spinach.”

“You allergic?”

“No. I just won’t eat it.” Reid said.

“… Well, at least you’re honest.” The woman grinned, scribbling in his brand new chart. “Mild… lac… tose… intolerance…” She mumbled as she wrote. “No… spinach.” Reid simply nodded, walking across the room and peering out the window. The grounds were beautiful. The large building stood on a hill top, which was surrounded by trees. Patients were ambling over the lawn, some accompanied by orderlies. Reid winced and turned away from the sight of the patients, and closed the blinds.

“Do you not like the view?”

“… I’d rather see a blinking motel sign.” Reid mumbled, and at her confused look, he explained, “feels more normal… I’ve had that view a lot when we were out on a case… At least then I can pretend that this is a crappy motel instead of…” He trailed off, trying to shove his hands into his pockets, only to find that the pale blue pajamas didn’t have any. Instead, he slipped a finger underneath the plastic ID band around his wrist and tugged at it, anxiously.

“I’ll leave you to settle in.” Dr. Devereux said, and slipped out of the room. The door closed softly and Reid found himself alone. He stood there for a long time, then slowly reached out and slipped a finger between the blinds, pressing down just enough to make a gap he could peek through. He stared down at the grounds, and the patients. The next thing he knew, tears were flooding down his face and he fell to his knees, sobbing. He dragged himself into the corner and curled up, hugging his knees to his chest and rocking himself.

And that’s where Dr. Devereux found him at ten after six when he failed to appear for dinner. She peered into the room after knocking softly and getting no answer.

“Dr. Reid?” She called, hurrying over and kneeling, placing a hand on Reid’s shoulder. The boy jumped and gasped, lifting his head and blinking sleepily. He focused on her and averted his eyes once he recognized her, reaching up and rubbing his eyes.

“I… fell asleep.” He mumbled, and allowed her to help him to his feet.

“Crying?” She asked, giving him a look.

“… I’ve been incarcerated for no reason.” Reid said blandly.

“You’re not incarcerated.”

“Am I free to go?” Reid asked. Dr. Devereux just stared at him, and he snorted. “… Exactly.”

“Come have something to eat.”

“No.”

“Dr. Reid…”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Try.” Dr. Devereux said, and tugged him out of the room. Reid shuffled behind her in his God awful house slippers, leaning reluctantly against her hold on his wrist. When they entered the dining room, Reid’s eyes widened and he tensed. Almost all the eyes looked up to see the reluctant new guy. Dr. Devereux looked around, then spotted an empty seat and guided her new patient over to it, pushing him into the chair.

“Wait here, I’ll bring you your dinner.” She told him, then turned and walked away. Reid sat frozen, staring hard at the table top, feeling the eyes of the three other people at the table on him.

“… Hi.” A male voice said and Reid flinched, violently. “… Wow. Definitely something up with THIS one.” Snickers. Reid closed his eyes and clenched his fists in his lap, fighting back more tears.

“You guys stop it!” A female voice scolded. “He’s shaking! I seem to remember that YOU weren’t too calm your first day here!” Then a hand reached out and Reid jerked away. The hand froze, then moved away again. “It’s okay…” The female voice said. “I’m Tammy. What’s your name?”

“Tammy, Mark, Andrew.” Dr. Devereux said, setting a plate down before Reid. “This is Spencer.”

“… Hi Spencer.” Tammy said gently. Reid didn’t answer.

“Give him time to open up.” Dr. Devereux told them, placing her hands on Reid’s shoulders and giving them a little squeeze before walking away. Reid stared down at the plate before him… Chicken parmesan with spaghetti and garlic bread with a salad on the side. And he just… stared. 

Patients began to leave as they finished their meals. The room slowly emptied. Andrew and Mark got up and left.

“… Spencer? Your food is getting cold.” Tammy said. Still, Reid didn’t look up at her. “Just… eat something. See you at breakfast…” And she left. Reid closed his eyes and drew in a breath, then quickly stood and turned, leaving the dining area. Most of the patients could be heard in the lounge, but Reid returned to his room. He slammed the door and collapsed onto the bed, curling up tightly. Ten minutes later there was a knock on the door, and a moment later it opened.

“Dr. Reid…” Dr. Devereux called. 

“… Yes?”

“You didn’t eat.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“You need to eat something.”

“I’m not hungry.” Reid repeated.

“Dr. Reid, you—“

“If I’m not hungry, I’m not eating!” Reid shouted.

“Alright. Take a shower and get some rest. Tomorrow, you WILL eat something.”

“… Right.” Reid mumbled, and watched the rectangle of light on the wall disappear as the door was closed. He sighed softly and stared at the ring on his finger before closing his eyes, sadly.


	3. Chapter 3

“Good morning!” Dr. Devereux called, walking over to meet the six men and women. Hotch moved to greet her and shook her hand.

“Dr. Devereux, meet Agents Rossi, Jareau, Prentiss, Morgan and Technical Analyst Penelope Garcia. We are… Spencer’s family.” The doctor smiled and nodded, shaking everyone’s hands.

“Family, huh? Good. I’m hoping you can talk some sense into him.”

“What did he do?” Hotch sighed, shaking hands with the woman.

“He won’t eat.” She snorted.

“Oh, my poor baby.” Garcia gasped. “Don’t worry! I brought him cookies!” And she pulled a tin out of her bag. Dr. Devereux blinked, and took in the amused looks of the other agents.

“Uh… right.” She said. “Please… this way.” And they walked into Willow Ridge Sanitarium. “He’s not been assigned to a ward yet because we’re still considering him as under assessment. He is aware of this, but he’s still not being cooperative. Trish!” An orderly was hurrying towards them. “Any luck?”

“No, doctor. He won’t get out of bed.” The orderly said. 

Dr. Devereux sighed. “All you, Agent Hotchner. Maybe he’ll listen to his superior.” 

Hotch echoed her sigh and shook his head, and the team was led to Reid’s room. When they got there, two orderlies were trying to coax the young man out of his bed, but he was curled up in a tight little ball, clinging to his blankets as he clung to life. 

Hotch opened his mouth to warn Reid of their entrance, but he was beaten to a punch by a hot pink and yellow object hurtling towards the boy, wailing “Oh my poor baby! You leave him alone, he doesn’t have to do ANYTHING he doesn’t want to do!!!” followed by the young man on the bed jumping, startled, only to disappear from view as he was all but squashed.

“G-Garcia?!” Came the baffled inquiry, and Reid managed to wriggle around just enough to see the others. “JJ… Morgan… guys…”

“Hey Spence.” JJ said, walking over and sitting down on the side of his bed.

“… No offense, you’re a beautiful sight right now but… you look awful.” Reid said, and JJ smiled, leaning over and giving him a hug. 

“Oh, honey…” Garcia said sadly, running her fingers over the boy’s disheveled hair. “You really think any of us could sleep last night, knowing you were in here?” Reid gave her a sad smile, and slowly moved to sit up.

“How are you holding up, kid?” Morgan asked.

“… I dunno…” Reid mumbled, shrugging.

“Dr. Reid, do you think you can try to eat something now?” Dr. Devereux asked.

“Yes, please get him something.” Hotch said to her, and she waved away one of the orderlies. “You didn’t eat yesterday?”

“… Wasn’t hungry.” Reid mumbled, bowing his head and playing with his ring. The team glanced around at each other; they could all hear the depression in Reid’s tone.

“Listen, kid.” Rossi said, taking a few steps closer. “This attitude of yours isn’t going to help you. You’re under assessment, remember? The doctor is watching your behavior. At this point, she’s going to think you’re manic depressive or something. I know you’re upset about being here, but you need to suck it up and stay positive and show her the Reid that we all know you are.”

“Dave’s right, Reid.” Hotch agreed.

“I know…” Reid said softly. “But… it’s hard when I know where I am… And the more I think about it, the worse I get… I wanna go home…”

“We know, Reid.” Prentiss said, joining JJ on the bed.

“Damn, kid… three gorgeous women in bed with you… you have any idea how many guys would kill to be in your place?”

“MORGAN!” The women all yelled and Reid sat frozen, eyes wide and face red.

Dr. Devereux just raised her eyebrows, intrigued with the interaction of this team.

“Alright, breakfast time Mr. Reid.”

“DOCTOR Reid!” The entire team chorused, and the orderly almost tripped in surprise. Hotch took the tray from her and turned, laying it down on Reid’s lap. Reid stared at the eggs and French Toast with fruit, then sighed and drooped.

“… I’m not hungry.” He whispered.

“Spencer.” Hotch said in his ‘I’m-The-Boss-And-you’ll-do-as-I-say’ tone. Reid gave him the ‘I’m-your-lover-and-I-REALLY-don’t-want-to-and-I’m-cute-and-pathetic-and-you’ll-let-me-have-it-my-way’ look. Hotch countered with the ‘Not-this-time-do-as-you’re-told’ glare. Reid gave him the pathetic ‘please?’ look, and Hotch narrowed his eyes, giving him the ‘NOW’ look. Reid drooped and fumbled with his fork, beginning to poke at the food.

“Don’t play with it, EAT it.” Hotch ordered. Reid drooped even more and began to nibble. “Thank you.”

The others snickered, and Reid scowled.

“I brought you cookies.” Garcia said. “But you have to eat your lunch first.” Reid grumbled, then yelped when the woman snacked him in the back of the head. “Behave!” 

The team sat around calmly as Reid ate, and once he had eaten enough to satisfy them, he was shoved into the bathroom and told to shower and dress. He emerged in another pair of pajamas, a house robe and house slippers, hair wet and tousled from towel drying it.

“That’s much better, isn’t it Dr. Reid?” Dr. Devereux said, smiling. “It’s time to say goodbye to your friends now. You have a group to attend.”

And that’s how the next three days went. The team would come to visit in the morning and make sure that Reid ate something. Then he would to go group, where he never said a word, and then he would return to his room for a bit, have lunch (though he barely ate a thing) then return to his room before having a one on one session with Dr. Devereux. Then Hotch would come by at dinner time, and Reid would eat. Dr. Devereux noticed that almost immediately.

On the fourth day, she walked into her house and set her keys down, flicking on a light.

“Hello, Dr. Devereux.”

Dr. Devereux screamed and jumped, whirling. A woman was sitting on her sofa.

“… Who are you?!”

“What is your diagnosis on Dr. Reid?” The woman asked.

“Excuse me?”

“Your patient, Dr. Reid.”

“… I can’t discuss that.” Dr. Devereux said. A moment later, a strong arm wrapped around her from behind, and a hand covered her mouth, dragging her to the kitchen. She began to struggle, but froze when the woman grabbed her hand and pressed it down onto the counter, lifting a large knife, laying the edge of the blade against the base of the woman’s small finger. Dr. Devereux’s eyes widened in horror.

“Care to try again?” The strange, dark haired woman asked. Dr. Devereux’s mouth was uncovered.

“He’s fine!” Dr. Devereux gasped, eyes wide. “A minor case of Post Traumatic Stress, but he’s recovering well.”

“That’s not what I wanted to hear.” The woman hissed, glaring.

“… That’s the truth!”

“I don’t care what the truth is. He will NOT leave that place. I don’t care what diagnosis you give him, but you give him one that will keep him locked up.”

“What?! NO! That… That’s unethical!” Dr. Devereux cried, then let out a scream as the knife came down, cleaving her finger off of her hand.

“Care to try again?”

“I won’t! That poor boy has been through enough!” Another scream as another finger was severed.

“That ‘poor boy’ is a murdering pig. Are you sure?”

“I won’t do it!”

“If you won’t co-operate, I’ve found someone who will.” And the woman turned and walked out of the room. The man holding Dr. Devereux reached out and took up the knife…

 

The team looked up at a knock on the door, and a man walked in.

“Good morning.” The man said, giving them a small, forced smile. “I am Dr. Harris. I uh… I will be taking over Spencer’s case for Dr. Devereux.”

“What? Why?” Reid asked, looking surprised. Dr. Harris sighed and removed his glasses.

“… Dr. Devereux was… found murdered in her house a few hours ago…”

“Oh my God!” Prentiss gasped. Reid looked stunned.

“I’ve gone over all of her notes and familiarized myself with your case, Spencer.” Harris said. “And based on her notes, and Dr. Carlson’s notes, I concur with the diagnosis. Spencer, I’m moving you up to the north wing on the third floor. It is the opinion of Dr. Carlson, Dr. Devereux and myself that you be committed for long term care.” Dr. Harris watched as the shock, horror and devastation swept over the group, and his new patient paled dramatically.

“No.” Reid managed to get out.

“Come on, son. Gather your belongings. I’ll take you upstairs. And I’m afraid that I will have to ask you people to leave.” Dr. Harris said, looking at the team.

“There must be some mistake.” Hotch said.

“I’m afraid not, sir.” Dr. Harris said. “Now if you will excuse us, I need to tend to my patient.” And some orderlies ushered out the stunned team. But as soon as they left his sight, Reid finally found himself.

“No… NO!!!” He cried, terror overwhelming him. “NO!!! HOTCH!!! MORGAN!!!” He cried. The team closed their eyes collectively as they heard their youngest begin to panic and fight. “HOTCH PLEASE!!!”

Hotch stopped in his tracks.

“Aaron?” Rossi asked.

“What do I do?” Hotch gasped. “Do I leave so that he doesn’t see me when they bring him out, and let him think I’ve abandoned him? Or do I stand here and let him see me here, nearby, but standing and doing nothing to help him?” 

“Hotch!” Morgan cried in annoyed frustration as Hotch’s question made Garcia burst into tears. He quickly ushered her away. Then Rossi placed an arm around Hotch’s shoulders and guided him away, too. 

“I think it would be best if we were not in sight when they bring him out.” Rossi said. “It will only give him reason to pitch a bigger fuss.” Hotch nodded in agreement of this. They stepped around the corner, but there, Hotch stopped. He stared at the floor, clenching fists and jaw as he listened to his young lover’s cries as he was removed from his room.

“Hotch! Hotch please! Help me! Hotch… Hotch?” His cries became a soft gasp of shock. “A-Aaron…?” Then a whimper. “… Aaron?” And then he began to cry. “No… no no… I wanna go home! Please! Let me go home! I’m not sick… I’m not sick!!!” And then his voice faded as he was taken away. Hotch closed his eyes and slowly sank into a chair bracing his elbows on his knees and letting his face fall into his hands. Sighing, Rossi sat beside his younger colleague and gripped his shoulder.

 

Reid stumbled down the hall, his vision blurred by tears. In his mind, he just kept thinking the same thing…

This isn’t happening… this can’t be happening… why is this happening?!

“Spencer… this is your room.” Dr. Harris said, opening a door. Reid peered in, and stared. The room was… depressing to say the least. The walls were a putrid pale green. There was a desk and a stool, both bolted to the floor, as was the bed. It was a small, narrow twin sized cot, barely long enough for his tall frame. There was also a shelf welded to the wall over the desk. It looked like a cell. Reid’s eyes prickled, and he had trouble swallowing not only the lump of hopeless despair, but the bile that was churning up his esophagus.

“Take some time to settle in, Spencer.” Dr. Harris told him, gently pushing him further into the room. “Do whatever you need to do. If you need to scream, cry, whatever, that’s fine. As long as you don’t damage people, property or yourself. Okay?” Reid didn’t answer. Harris sighed and turned, looking at the male nurse with him. “Change out his bracelet, and keep an eye on him.” He said, then hurried back down to the first floor, walking down the hallway to where the team stood. When they saw him, they all gathered around.

“I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” Dr. Harris told them. “He’s not taking this well, as you could hear. In my professional opinion I think it will be best if you give him a week to calm down and settle in before coming back. I will keep you updated regarding his progress and if I feel you may visit sooner, I will let you know.”

Hotch frowned and shook his head, saying “With all due respect, you may be his doctor, but you just met him. I’ve known him for years. And I know him well. I think that keeping him isolated from his loved ones will only make things worse.”

“I appreciate your opinion, Agent Hotchner, but as his doctor, I must do what I feel is best. And unless something pops up to change my mind, I’m standing by my recommendation. Good day.” And Dr. Harris turned and walked away.

Once again, Garcia burst into tears.

 

Reid sat silently on his bed, watching as a nurse cut the plastic ID band from his wrist and replaced it with another. Reid inspected it… He was considered a High Security Patient. Reid winced. That was only one step down from the Maximum security, High risk patients… also known as the criminally insane… the psychos he had hunted down. The nurse looked at him and gave him a gentle smile.

“You okay, Spencer?” He asked. Reid didn’t respond. “I know you’re scared…” Reid tensed when the man sat down next to him on the bed. “I’m Riley.” Reid blinked at that, and Riley Jenkins passed through his mind for a few moments. Slowly, he turned and looked at Riley. The man smiled. “Look, son… You’re not the only one who’s afraid to be here. But I’m here to help you. Listen… you need anything or have any questions, you can always come to me, okay?” And he laid a hand on Reid’s shoulder. 

The young man recoiled violently, flashes of his month with Coronado passing through his mind. He backed into a corner and stared at Riley with wide eyes. Riley jumped, startled, and slowly put his hands up. 

“Hey… it’s okay. I won’t hurt you. Do you want me to leave?” Reid eyed him, then slowly nodded. “Okay, listen… I’ll be at the station just down the hall. You need anything, come find me or one of the others, okay?” And when Reid nodded again, the man slipped out of the room. Slowly, Reid relaxed. But he didn’t leave the corner. He hugged his knees to his chest and began rocking himself, closing his eyes and hiding his face in his folded arms. 

About an hour later, Riley appeared in the doorway. 

“Spencer? Lunch time.” He said. Reid didn’t move. Riley sighed, slowly approaching the youth and reaching out, taking his hand. “Come on, Spencer.” Reid allowed the man to pull him to his feet and guide him down the hall and into the cafeteria. Reid made his way to a seat himself, choosing one far away from the other patients… he didn’t want to be anywhere near them… He ignored Riley trying to convince him to sit with other people and try to start getting to know the other patients. Finally, Riley gave up and brought him his lunch. Reid just sat and stared at it. Riley went on his rounds, and when he returned fifteen minutes later Reid was gone, and his lunch sat untouched. He sighed and shook his head, then turned and left, heading to Harris’ office. 

Five minutes later, he and Harris were knocking on Reid’s door. There was no answer. Harris opened it. Reid was seated on the desk, curled up and leaning against the wall, staring out the barred window. Riley sighed. The boy was the picture of misery. He had been in this profession for a good twelve years, but the sight of this boy tugged at his heartstrings like the first time he had seen a patient devastated as their world was turned upside down.

“Spencer?” Harris called, walking across the small room. “Riley tells me you didn’t eat your lunch.” Reid just tightened his arms around his knees. “Come on, son. You need to eat something.” And he reached out to put a hand on the young man’s shoulder, but the boy jerked away, still staring hard out the window. “… Alright. But I expect to see you eat at dinner. Why don’t you come out to the day room?” Reid curled up impossibly tighter, turning away from the man.

After some more futile coaxing, Dr. Harris gave up and left Reid to himself. That evening, Riley collected Reid for dinner. Once more, Reid sat at a table and just stared down at his food… mashed potatoes, green beans and meat loaf. After ten minutes, he felt a presence at his shoulder.

“Spencer?” Dr. Harris said. “You need to eat.” A couple of the other patients at the table glanced up. Slowly, hand shaking, Reid scooped up a bit of mashed potatoes and put them in his mouth. They were bland. He made a face, and forced himself to swallow. A green bean made its way down his throat next. A patient across the room let out a tremendous, thundering belch. Reid blanched at the sound, and listened to several patients laugh and cheer. Reid glanced to his left at a young man at another table who was having a lively political debate with the gravy boat. The others sitting with him eyed him. One looked at the other.

“We have a Republican gravy boat?”

“I thought the gravy tasted off…” The other said, and both snickered into their dinners.

Reid just sighed and closed his eyes, refusing to look at his food. He felt sick… lost… And his stomach clenched and twisted… he suddenly realized… he would rather be flat on his back with his legs spread open for Coronado than be where he was right now… And then he lost all semblance of control. His spoon fell from his fingers and clattered onto the table as he heaved, slapping a hand over his mouth.

“Spencer?!” Harris gasped, and he and Riley jerked the young man to his feet and half carried him from the room. As soon as they were through the doors, Reid dropped to his knees and threw up. “Easy, Spencer… Relax.” 

“… I… I wanna see Hotch.” The boy finally gasped.

“What?”

“Agent Hotchner. I want to see him. NOW!”

“No, Spencer. It’s dinner time. And I think it’s best if you settled in before you had any visitors.”

“I want to see him NOW! Call him! He’ll come!” Reid cried.

“Spencer—“

“DON’T CALL ME THAT!!!” Reid screamed, and shoved the man away, jumping to his feet and running down the corridor.

“Hey!” Riley yelped, chasing after him. Reid ran around the corner, heading straight for the staircase. He knew it was locked. When he reached it, he skidded to a stop and lashed out with his foot, kicking it in. It opened with a crash, the lock breaking, and Reid fled, pain shooting through his ankle and knee. Despite the pain he sped up; he could hear Riley right behind him. 

He reached the ground floor and threw himself out the door, ignoring the red strip of tape on it with bold white letters. He winced when the fire alarm began to go off. But he didn’t care. He burst out of the building and fled across the lawn and to the edge of the hill.

“SPENCER!” He heard Riley call. He pushed himself and ran faster, stumbling down the hill. He tripped and cried out as he fell. He rolled over several times before he managed to stop his fall. He struggled to his feet and made his way down the hill, darting into the trees. The sun set, and the woods were dark. But he didn’t care. Wincing at the stitch in his side he fled through the trees, branches tearing at his exposed skin. But then his eyes widened.

“No…” He gasped, and threw himself up against the stone wall, staring up. It towered over him. “No no no…” He cried, and looked around. He had to get out. He had to get to Aaron! He had to get home! 

He hurried over to a tree and began to climb, wincing at his throbbing ankle. He reached a limb that stretched out over the wall, and he began to slowly drag himself across. It drooped under his weight, but rested on the wall. Heart pounding, Reid inched closer and closer… but then, he heard a creak, and he froze. The woods were quiet, other than the calls of the people searching for him. Gasping, Reid began to move again. There was another creak… then a crack. Reid froze, eyes on the branch. 

“Oh God…” He breathed, and lunged for the wall. With a loud snap, the branch broke and he fell. “AHHNG!!!” He cried as he hit the ground, and a fiery pain engulfed his wrist. “Ow…” He gasped, and after a long while he slowly dragging himself to curl up against the base of the tree, cradling his throbbing wrist. He shivered softly in the dark for a long time, until finally he flinched as a flashlight beam fell across him.

“Spencer?” A voice called, and then a radio crackled. “I’ve got him!” And then another flashlight joined the first. Two men ran over and knelt and Reid cried, not over the pain, but at the knowledge that he was being taken back to that place… And again, he found himself thinking that he would rather be chained to a tree in Coronado’s backyard than be where he was in that moment…

 

Hotch frowned as he got out of the shower… did he hear…? Yes! His phone! He hurried into the bedroom, wrapping a towel around himself and answering.

“Hotchner.”

“Agent Hotchner, this is Dr. Harris with Willow Ridge.”

“… What happened.” Hotch growled, hearing that reluctant tone in the man’s voice.

“We had an incident tonight.”

“Is my Agent hurt?!” Hotch demanded to know.

“… He got extremely upset at dinner. He threw up, and then ran. He kicked in the door to the stairs and broke out through a fire exit and ran onto the grounds. We lost him in the trees, but found him about forty five minutes later. He had tried to climb a tree to get over the wall and it broke. We found him on the ground.”

“Is he okay?!”

“Some bumps and bruises. Looks like he sprained his ankle when he kicked in the door, but he fractured his wrist from the fall from the tree. A little bump on the head. He has quiet the headache, but no sign of concussion.”

“How the hell could you let this happen?! Why did he run?!”

“… He uh... He wanted to talk to you.”

“I’m on my way.”

“Agent Hotchner, I must insist that you stay away.”

“He’s hurt and scared and asking for me!”

“And by letting him see you it will only teach him that by making a scene and possibly hurting himself, he can get what he wants. No sir. I cannot allow you to see him, but as you are his Power of Attorney and his Supervisor, I have to inform you of the incident.”

“And as his Power of Attorney, I want to see him.”

“And as his doctor, I am telling you that I will not allow this until I feel he has calmed down about his situation. And that is final, Agent Hotchner. Good evening.” And he hung up. Hotch snarled a few choice words, then hit Speed Dial 5.

“… Hotch? Is everything okay?”

“Penelope, I have a job for you…”

“Oh. Um, okay?”

“Dr. Ben Harris. Look into him. I want to know anything about lawsuits, criminal, civil, malpractice… I want to know about any and all allegations, investigations, complaints and reprimands.”

“Oh. Yessir! If there is anything on his record, it will be on your desk tomorrow morning, afternoon at the latest!”

“Thank you Penelope. Good night.”


	4. Chapter 4

Reid spent the night in the infirmary, and was given his breakfast. He barely touched it… just nibbled a couple of raisins out of his oatmeal. The rest he dumped into a houseplant in the corner when the nurse wasn’t looking. Then he was led to the day room, his arm in a splint. He looked around as he sat down with a nurse placing ice packs on his knee and ankle.

A man in his late thirties was writing at a desk. Another was reading a book. And then there was a man named Jay. He was in his twenties with a buzz cut and a tattoo that betrayed him as an ex-marine; he wasn’t responding well to his medication… He was yelling at a squirrel on the tree right outside the window... something about how Uncle Sam wanted THAT squirrel to serve his country in an intergalactic war against cowboy space parrots or something...

Reid winced, and tried not to pay attention to anyone… he just wrapped his arms around himself and sunk into the sofa.

“Spencer?” The nurse asked, smiling and laying a hand on his shoulder. “Do you want to watch TV?” Reid turned and looked at the television… the man who had been writing stood and shoved the paper into an envelope and sealed it, then walked over to the TV. Reid watched as the man leaned over it and shoved the envelope into one of the ventilation slats on the back of the TV. Then he turned and calmly walked away, passing by Jay who was still trying to convince the squirrel to be the commander of a fleet of space donuts. 

Reid slowly looked at the nurse with wide eyes and shook his head.

“Oh… don’t worry about that. We empty the TV of letters once a week. It’s not a fire hazard.” Reid just continued to stare at her.

Down the hall, a man cried out “But… But he’s my FLUFFY!!!” and then burst into hysterical sobs. Reid wanted to do the same…

“Would you like to read?” The nurse asked. Reid sighed, and shrugged. The nurse hurried over to the bookshelf, returning a moment later with a book. “Here.” She said. Reid paused, then took it and opened it. She watched as he opened it and began to skim a finger down the page, then flipped it. She stared. “Are… you… Can… can you really read that fast?” Reid stopped and looked up at her for a moment, then got back to his reading. The nurse shook her head in amazement and brought over a STACK of books, before running across the room crying “Jonathan, don’t you DARE!!!” A moment later the lights turned off and someone in the corner let out a cry or terror and ran from the room, screaming in Russian. Jonathan also ran, laughing, while the nurses turned the lights back on and chased down the Russian guy, whose name was Pietrov. 

Reid just sighed and closed his eyes. 

This was fucking ridiculous…

 

“Good afternoon, Spencer.” Dr. Harris said, smiling at the young man curled up in the leather arm chair. They were in the man’s office. It was nice and quiet, save for the soft, soothing meditational music playing and the sounds of water trickling from the tranquility fountain on a table in the corner. A glass cube sat on a shelf with white gravel in the bottom, a single plant and a blue betta fish floating casually about inside of it.

Wincing at the pain in his knee and ankle, Reid slid his feet out of his house slippers and drew his legs up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. He began to absently finger the Velcro straps of the splint on his wrist, and ID band on his other wrist, and the ring on his finger.

“Riley says that you refused to eat your breakfast, AND your lunch.” Dr. Harris began. “Why?” Reid sat silent. “Spencer? Why won’t you eat?” He got no response. “Is it because you’re upset?” Reid snorted. “Why are you upset, Spencer?” In response, the Doctor got an intense glare. “What upsets you specifically?” The man asked. Reid just rolled his eyes and stood, limping across the room and looking over the books on the bookshelf. “Spencer?” Reid ignored the doctor, taking a book and sitting down again. Dr. Harris watched as Reid flipped through the pages, skimming his finger down each one. The man sighed, annoyed.

At the end of the hour Reid left the office. He had finished two chapters of the book, and thoroughly frustrated Dr. Harris. After he had picked up the book, he hadn’t acknowledged the man until he had taken the book from Reid’s hands. Reid hadn’t moved. He just stared at his lap where the book had sat and hadn’t moved a muscle, until the doctor grumbled that he could go. Reid then promptly took the book off of the shelf (with a couple of others) and left the room. Hell, they thought he was schizophrenic, fine. He could be a kleptomaniac too. He sat down in the day room with his stack of psych books and spent the rest of the afternoon reading.

When dinner rolled around, he was guided to an empty table and found himself flanked by two nurses with Dr. Harris sitting across from him. A bowl of soup was set before him, and he was told that he was not leaving the table until Dr. Harris was satisfied with how much he had eaten. And two hours later, they were still sitting there. The nurses had plopped themselves down in chairs on either side of Reid.

Reid still sat there slouched in the chair, head down. Dr. Harris looked bored, drowsy and irritated. The nurses had reduced themselves to playing Rock Paper Scissors. But all three looked up at a soft snore. Dr. Harris leapt to his feet.

“He fell asleep?!” The man yelped. This made Reid jump awake with a gasp, eyes wide. The three men were staring at him. Dr. Harris was frowning. “Spencer. Eat. NOW!” Reid’s eyes blazed and he leapt to his feet, glaring at the doctor.

“No.” He hissed, and the man’s eyes widened as his patient slipped his fingers under the edge of the bowl of cold soup, then flung it across the room. Reid continued to glare for a moment, then turned and stalked away.

“… SPENCER!” Dr. Harris called, and Reid whirled.

“DOCTOR Reid.” The young man snapped. “You do NOT have my permission to call me by my first name. And you will stop using it now.”

“And you will sit down and eat.”

“Eat what?” Reid snorted. “The food on the wall?”

“We’ll get you a new bowl.”

“Don’t waste your time. I’m not eating.”

“Why?” Dr. Harris asked. Hell, if the kid was going to talk, he was going to try and get some answers from him.

“Because I don’t feel like it.” Reid snapped, and left the room. Harris and the nurses hurried after him.

“Why?”

“Why do you think?”

“I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking.”

“Well, I’m not answering.”

“Why not?”

“Because I answer honestly and apparently I’m crazy, which I’m not.”

“What makes you say that?” Harris asked. Reid walked into his room.

“Goodnight.” He said, and slammed the door in the doctor’s face. Dr. Harris took a deep, calming breath, then opened the door and walked in. Reid was gathering a fresh set of clothes.

“Spencer—“

“Doctor Reid.” The young man growled. Harris let out a harassed sigh. “What’s wrong?” Reid asked, whirling on the man. “Don’t like the idea of one of your patients sharing a title like yours? Does that take away your sense of authority over them?”

“… DOCTOR Reid, this aggressive behavior is—“

“This is me upset. Excuse me.” And Reid shoved by the man and headed for the community bathroom. Most of the other patients were in bed, and so Reid could shower in private.

“Dr. Reid, I think we need to talk.”

“I talk and I just dig myself in deeper, I’m not talking to you. I’m not talking to ANY one but my team!” And he walked into the bathroom and shut the door in Harris’ face. The man took a few deep breaths, then walked in. The shower was on, and the curtain was drawn across the door to the stall.

“Doctor Reid, I would like to know where all of this anger is coming from.” Dr. Harris called.

Reid snorted out an incredulous laugh and continued to bathe.

“Explain to me why you’re angry, Spencer?”

No answer other than a snarled “Get out.”

“Spencer—“

“DON’T call me that.” Reid snapped. Dr. Harris sighed.

“Dr. Reid, then.”

“What.”

“Why are you so angry?”

“I don’t like being told what to do.”

“What about Agent Hotchner? Doesn’t he tell you what to do?” Dr. Harris asked. The shower stopped, and a hand emerged to grab a towel. And a little after that, clean clothes. Reid didn’t emerge until he was fully dressed. But when he did, he stared Dr. Harris in the eye.

“One, he’s my boss. It’s my JOB to do as he says.” Reid secured the splint onto his arm again. “And two… I trust him. With my life. I don’t trust you as far as I can throw you. And if I don’t trust you, I’m not listening to you.” Reid said, then walked over to the sink and began brushing his teeth.

“And why don’t you trust me?” Dr. Harris asked. But he was ignored. Reid finished, turned off the sink and left, returning to his room. He stepped in and closed the door in Dr. Harris’ face, AGAIN, then turned off the light.

Frustrated, Dr. Harris let him be.

When the man returned home that night, he turned on the light and jumped, startled. A man and woman stood there.

“How is he doing?” The woman asked.

“… He’s angry.” Dr. Harris told her, glaring. “Why the hell are we having a meeting THIS late?”

“Because.” The man said, glaring. Dr. Harris sighed.

“I’m going to have to start medicating him.” He told them. “What do I do then?”

“Give him downers.” The woman said. 

“What?!”

“I want him to suffer. Give him depressants.” She ordered.

“… Depressants? Look… I’m not sure this is what I signed on for. I mean, this—“

“I don’t care what you think you signed on for. You will doctor his records and keep him there.”

“How long?!”

“Indefinitely.” The woman said. “And if you don’t, you’ll regret it. And don’t complain. You’re being well compensated for this.” Dr. Harris sighed.

“Alright… I’ll start him on the medications in a couple of days.”

“Good. I’ll expect regular updates.” The woman said, and then left. The man followed. Dr. Harris closed and locked the door behind them, the guilt raging in him. But he couldn’t risk his ex wife and their four kids… He had to do this…

 

Three Days Later…

 

Reid woke as the sun came up. He just lay in bed, feeling the painful heaviness in his heart at waking up alone in that place, when he was used to waking up enveloped in a warm, loving embrace. As he had since he had been taken away, he started the morning with a few silent tears of emotional agony… Then he heard the automatic door unlock and the wake up call echoed through the corridors. But this time, the morning routine was different. He was collected by the morning nurse and guided to where the medication was being handed out. To his surprise, and concern, he was given a little paper cup that contained three pills.

“… What are they?” He asked, looking up at the nurse dispensing the medications.

“That’s your medicine, Spencer. Swallow it down now.”

“No!” Reid objected. “I don’t NEED medication!”

“Your doctor says otherwise, now take it.”

“Dr. Reid.” Dr. Harris called, walking over. “Either you take them on your own, or you get an injection.”

“What?!”

“You heard me. This will help you stabilize.”

“I AM stable!”

“Refusing to eat? Refusing to speak? Your insane attempt to escape on FOOT?” And he waved at the splint on Reid’s wrist. Reid glared. “Dr. Reid, I’m sorry. But I think you need this medication to ground you. Now please take your pills or I will go get a syringe.”

“… You come NEAR me with a needle and I’ll press charges.” Reid hissed, backing away.

“Then take your pills.” Dr. Harris reasoned. Reid stared at him for a long time, then hurled the cup at him, the pills bouncing off of the man’s chest and falling to the floor. A nurse quickly gathered them up, and Reid stormed away. Dr. Harris sighed and shook his head, walking away.

Ten minutes later, Reid looked up as Dr. Harris and several nurses and orderlies entered the room.

“Spencer.”

“Dr. Reid.” The boy growled.

“Dr. Reid… last chance.” Dr. Harris told him. “Take your pills?”

“… Go to Hell.” Reid snarled, then got to his feet as the people moved towards him. He backed away, but he was soon surrounded. “Don’t touch me… I’m warning you!” His heart was pounding and the adrenaline was starting to flow. One man lunged. Reid’s eyes widened and he side stepped, pivoting about and helping the man to the floor. Then another leapt forwards, wrapping his arms around the young man. Reid let out an angry shout and began to struggle, throwing an elbow into the man’s gut and dropping his weight before pivoting around and curling his arm around the man’s neck, getting him into a headlock and burying a knee into the man’s stomach before shoving him away. 

But then there were three on him. Reid fought, shouting and thrashing. Dr. Harris waited as they wrestled the youth to the floor, drawing up a sedative as he did.

“Sir! Go!” One of the nurses called, and Harris moved in. Reid howled as he felt a jab in his arm, followed by a second one a moment later.

“SON OF A BITCH!!!” Reid screamed, continuing to thrash. Dr. Harris backed away, staring down at the young man. Rage blazed in his patient’s eyes, along with an odd look of horror. And there were bitter tears of anger and… something else on his face. “You son of a bitch…” He was struggling to keep his glare focused. “How could you…?”

 

“That son of a bitch!” 

The team all looked up, eyes wide. A moment later, Hotch all but exploded out of his office, heading for the doors, murder in his eyes.

“Hotch?” Emily asked.

“What’s up?” Morgan called.

“I’m going to Willow Ridge!” Hotch called over his shoulder, but skidded to a stop, quickly.

“What happened to my baby!?” Garcia blurted, standing before the man, eyes wide. “Did he get hurt again?!”

“No, Penelope.” Hotch said gently. “They had to sedate him. Again. I’m just going to… have a word with Dr. Harris.”

“Speaking of Dr. Harris.” Garcia said softly, holding up a folder, “I’ve gone through his entire life. Other than a bitter divorce, he’s squeaky clean.”

“… Not what I was hoping to hear, but… thank you.”

“… You’re welcome. Can I come with you?”

“No.” Hotch said, and entered the elevator. 

He spent the entire drive to Willow Ridge in a boiling rage. When he got there, he just flashed his badge and headed to the hospital ward. A nurse tried to stop him, but he shouldered her aside and barged in. 

“Agent Hotchner!” Dr. Harris cried in dismay. Hotch stood there, taking in the sight of his young lover sprawled out on the bed, padded restraints around his wrists, one over a splint. A nurse was placing an IV catheter into the inside of Reid’s arm. Reid twitched and moaned softly, head turning ever so slightly. Hotch hurried over, shoving past the protesting Dr. Harris and leaning over the bed. He reached out and gently cupped the boy’s cheek in his palm, taking in the pale skin and sunken eyes and cheeks, and feeling the beginnings of a thin stubble.

“… Spencer…” He called softly. The boy twitched, and slowly his eyes cracked open. Reid stared in the general direction of his superior’s face.

“Mmmnnuh?” Was all the young man was able to get out. Hotch felt his heart break as he saw the utter misery in his lover.

“Agent Hotchner, you need to leave. Now.” Dr. Harris demanded. Hotch just turned and GLARED.

“I am seriously doubting your abilities…” The Unit Chief snarled. “And I am THIS close to lodging a formal complaint against you. I am telling you one last time. Spencer relies on his family, and that family is his team. If he doesn’t have their support, he will fall apart. And I will not let that happen.” And then he turned his back on the doctor and focused on his sedated agent.

“Spencer?” He called gently. The boy didn’t answer. He just rolled his head to the side with a soft moan, eyes fluttering again. Hotch brushed away a few flyaway strands of hair that had fallen to his lover’s cheek. “Everything is going to be okay, Spencer.” He murmured. “I’m right here.”

The man ignored the doctor and the nurses’ attempts to get him to leave. He refused to budge. He stayed right where he was. He sat there for hours, until finally, the sedative began to wear off. When Reid finally was able to focus his gaze, the first thing he saw was his lover’s face smiling at him. Reid blinked then smiled back.

“Aaron…?”

“I’m right here. Are you okay?”

“… I wanna go home.”

“I know.” Hotch said, his face giving Reid a look of regret. “I’m sorry… but Spencer… this is not helping you. Throwing a fit and being sedated…” Reid’s eyes darkened. “Listen to me, Spencer.” Hotch said softly. “We are trying to get you out of here… but making scenes like this… throwing tantrums—“

“I am NOT throwing tantrums!”

“It’s NOT going to help our case here! The more you do things like that, the more it looks like maybe you DO belong in here!” Hotch said sternly. Reid stared at him. After a few moments, he lowered his eyes.

“… Do I?” Reid whispered, and a broken look took over his face… a look of fear. “Am… am I really crazy? Maybe the diagnosis ISN’T wrong… Maybe I do belong in here…” Reid shook his head, blinking back tears. “You know… I write to my mother every day.”

“… I know.”

“I haven’t written to her since I was brought in here.”

“You should.”

“I can’t. What do I tell her? Aaron… if I have to stay in here… maybe it’s best if…” Reid trailed off, a solitary tear escaping the corner of his eye. Reid turned away from Hotch and stared out the window. The sky was gray. A cold front was coming in, announcing the arrival of Fall. Reid let out a slow sigh. Hotch reached out, gently stroking his lover’s face. But Reid didn’t respond. He just lay back in bed and watched the clouds roll in.

“… I have to go.” Hotch said softly. “I wanted to wait until you woke up, but…”

“Case?”

“… Yes.”

“Where?”

“... Oregon.” Hotch answered. Reid nodded.

“What day is it?”

“… Wednesday.”

“Tomorrow it’s one week.”

“… Yes.”

“Don’t be gone too long.”

“You know I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Hotch assured the youth.

“… Yeah. I know.” Reid mumbled. Slowly, Hotch stood and leaned over, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of the boy’s head.

“I love you.” Hotch whispered. “Don’t you lose hope. I’m going to get you out of here. I promise.” And he headed for the door.

“Hotch?” A soft voice called, and Hotch turned.

“Yes?”

“It’s time for Apollo and Artemis to go in for their surgeries. Have Garcia do that?”

“… Surgeries?”

“Spay and neuter.”

“I dunno. I think she would like for them to have kittens.”

“It’s inbreeding, tell her no.” Reid grumbled, looking appalled. Hotch smiled and nodded. “Tell her… she can keep them if she wants. She may as well. God knows if I’ll ever be able to take them back. It won’t be fair to uproot them for a third time.”

“Are you sure, Spencer?”

“They’ve spent the last two months living with her. They love her, she loves them. They’re hers now…”

“Hey now… that sounds a lot like giving up to me.” Hotch said, frowning and turning to face Reid fully. Reid just let a humorless smile come over him.

“Places like this don’t exactly promote hope.” Reid said, and turned to look out the window again, playing with his ring. “You should go. Oregon needs you.”

“… So do you.”

“… Go.” Reid whispered. Hotch stared at the young man, then sighed and turned, leaving the room. And when the nurse brought Reid his medication, this time he took it quietly, without protest.


	5. Chapter 5

Reid opened his eyes when the wake up call blared through the ward. Slowly, mechanically, he stood, made his bed, and dressed in sweat pants and a sweat shirt, and then slipped on his slippers and shuffled from the room, pulling on his robe. He got into the medication line and took his pills without protest before making his way into the cafeteria. Breakfast was served. Bland, lukewarm scrambled eggs, soggy waffles and overcooked bacon with some melon on the side. It took Reid half an hour to choke down one bite of egg and a strip of bacon, and a few mushy pieces of Honeydew melon.

He stood and left the table, making his way to the day room. He dropped onto the armchair that sat before the window in the corner. He drew his feet up onto the chair and wrapped his arms around his knees, hugging his legs to his chest and slowly turning the ring on his finger. Then he just sat and stared, looking out at the trees that were beginning to change color. The seasonal event that once had him delighted and amazed, now didn’t awaken anything in him. It had been five days since the team had gone to Oregon. Five days since he had begun his medication. And now… he was dead to the world. And the world was dead to him. Nothing piqued his interest. Nothing made him smile. He was empty. Depression ruled his every waking moment.

The last word he had spoken was ‘Go.’ Five days ago he had told his lover to leave, and as soon as the man had left the room, Reid shut down.

When the time came for group therapy, Reid refused to sit on one of the chairs or sofas in the room. He perched himself on a desk in the corner and stared out the window. He tuned out the voices and just watched a rabbit hop around the lawn, stopping to nibble from time to time.

“SPENCER!” He jumped and turned at the raised voice. He stared at the doctor. A Dr. Cassandra Wycoff. She smiled at him. “Would you like to join us?” Reid sighed. He liked her. He did. She was always kind to him… very gentle. God, he wished she were his doctor… he felt that he could trust her. Hell, she was the only one who could call him by his first name and get a response…

“Spencer?” He looked at her. She pat the sofa beside her; she had saved him a space. He stared for a moment, then turned and looked back outside. He heard her sigh and walk over. Then, her hand came to rest on his shoulder. He turned to look at her again. She smiled and took his hand, and he uncurled and slid off of the desk, allowing her to lead him over to the couch, and he sat down beside her, staring at his knees as he felt all of the eyes on him.

“You’ve been here a week, Spencer.” She said, still holding his hand. “Why don’t you tell the group a bit about yourself?” Reid didn’t move. Didn’t speak. “How about… how old are you?” Silence. “Where are you from?” Still nothing. “Why don’t you tell them about your job before you came here?”

“No…” Jay gasped. “Stop it!!!” He leapt up, pointing an accusing finger at Reid. Reid’s head snapped up and he stared at the man. “Get out of my head!!!”

“Jay! No one here is reading your mind.” Dr. Wycoff soothed, standing and holding out her hands, palms facing the man.

“No no no…” Jay gasped, wagging a finger at Reid. “It’s crunchy… crunchy crunchy… And they want it… But I won’t let them have it, no I won’t. I won’t! I WON’T!!!”

“Jay, why don’t we go rest…” Dr. Wycoff said, walking over and putting her arm around the man.

“Rest… Object at rest tends to stay at rest… object in motion tends to… milk. Chocolate milk?”

“Maybe later, Jay.” Dr. Wycoff said, and handed him off to one of the nurses. Jay was guided from the room, his voice drifting back. "AAAAAH!!! The platypus! Platypus… platypus… He’s back!!! He's going to burn all the bananas and kill us! ALL of us! With a rubber band!!! Rubber band… rubber… rubber… condoms? NO!!! NO NO NO!!! They WON’T! They WON’T!!! I won’t do it! I WON’T!!!"

“Somebody get me a sedative!” The nurse cried. 

Reid sighed, closing his eyes and letting his face fall into his hand as Jay’s voice drifted back once more, curiously saying “Oh… are you the otter?”

“… Fuckin loony.” One of the other patients grumbled, while another began to rock back and forth, mumbling chemical equations under his breath and another giggled. Dr. Wycoff sighed, placing a hand on Reid’s arm.

“Now then.” She said, obviously trying to continue as if Jay’s freak out hadn’t occurred. “Spencer. Tell us about yourself.”

Reid just drew his legs up onto the couch and hugged them to his chest, hiding his face in his knees.

“Spencer?” The doctor asked, then sighed. “Martin, care to tell us what’s going through your mind?” Reid relaxed when attention left him, closing his eyes and thoroughly zoning out. He didn’t come back to himself until everyone stood, and then he stood and left the room with them. He made his way to the day room and once more parked himself in the arm chair before the window. And all he had was the view of that which he could not have. And he began to think about things… he found himself longing to feel something. Anything but this emptiness gnawing at the pit of his stomach. 

He found himself longing for the feel of a cool needle sliding into his veins… the wonderful embrace of comfort and oblivion as the sweet nectar rushed through his body, drowning out the emotional pain and the loneliness and the slowly building depression. 

Tears came to his eyes. He’d had cravings… but they had stopped when he and Aaron had gotten together. He found that the cravings for the drug’s embrace vanished within his lover’s embrace. But he didn’t have that now. And he was being hit with the worst craving he’d had since he had been in withdrawal. He began to shake. His breathing picked up. Tears flooded down his face and he dug his fingernails into the inside of his elbow, absently beginning to scratch at that terrible, burning itch.

Long minutes passed. He kept scratching, harder and harder… His mind swirled.

“What are you doing?” Reid asked.

Tobias said nothing, kneeling and wrapping the belt around Reid’s right bicep.

“No… Don’t… Please don’t.” He whimpered.

“It helps.” The man said, pulling out a syringe and a small bottle… “Don’t tell my father. He doesn’t know they’re here.”

“Please… I… I don’t want it! I don’t want it! Please…!” He begged.

“Trust me. It helps.” Tobias said, exposing the inside of Reid’s elbow and locating a vein. “I know.”

“Please don’t!” Reid pleaded once more as the needle slid into his vein. Then… a feeling of ecstasy flooded through him…

Reid’s eyes fluttered and he moaned softly as remembered that very first taste… His mind continued to swirl.

“Only one bullet in that gun, boy.”

BANG!!!

Reid scrambled over the leaves towards the fallen body, shoving the knife away. 

“You killed him!” Tobias gasped, joyfully.

“Tobias…”

“You think I’ll get to see my mom again?”

“I’m sorry…” Reid breathed, and watched the light go out of his eyes, feeling the guilt in his heart.

Memories flew by… including one of a horrifying situation that had occurred in college… Reid had never told anyone about it… not even Hotch…

Young fifteen year old Spencer smiled and closed the door to his dorm room behind the House Mother, Mrs. Sanez. She always came up to check on the child before his bed time. The woman adored him, and he loved her… he often wondered… was this what it was like to have a real mother? And then he would wince as the guilt hit him. His mother may be sick, but she was his mother. And he loved her. And she loved him.

Half an hour later, there was a knock on Spencer’s door. He opened it.

“Hey squirt.” The young man on the other side of the door grinned, and Spencer smiled.

“Hi Terry.” He said, greeting his friend, Terry Posadas. He was twenty three.

Terry walked in, and put down his back pack, unzipping it. “Check it out.” He announced, and pulled out several bottles. Bottles of liquor. He tossed the young boy a DVD.

“Put that in!” He called, and young Spencer nodded. He looked at the title and cover, and turned red. It was a porno.

“Um…”

“Just put it in, kid.” Terry chuckled. Spencer nodded and did as he was told.

“Here. Try this.” Terry said, handing the boy a small shot glass of a brown liquid. Spencer eyed it, and sipped it, then made a face.

“Uhg!”

“You’re supposed to shoot it, kid!” Terry laughed.

“What is that?!”

“Jack Daniels. My best friend.”

“Your best friend is disgusting.” Spencer snorted, taking the second shot glass he’d been handed. He sipped the clear liquid and choked.

“And that’s Vodka.” Terry grinned. “Here. Try this.” And he opened a bottle of Coconut Bay Rum and handed it to the boy. Spencer sipped it and made a face, then shrugged. Grinning, Terry turned and pulled out a plastic cup and dumped some Pina Colada drink mix into the cup with some rum, and then slipped in a bit of a powder, stirred it, and handed it to the boy. “Bottoms up.” He said, and Spencer took the drink and sipped. His eyes widened and he smacked his lips.

“Not bad!” The boy exclaimed. Terry poured himself a drink, clicked his cup up against the teenager’s cup, and downed the contents. Then he focused on the TV. Or pretended to… Through the corner of his eye, he watched Spencer… waited… He saw the boy get dizzy. And then, he slumped over. Terry caught him and his cup, and set them both down.

Spencer woke to the gentle hands touching his body all over… fingers stroking his thighs, and lips kissing over his torso… he felt the air conditioner blowing over his body, and his heart froze… he was naked. He opened his eyes and whimpered. Terry was touching him… but his face was blurry… Spencer couldn’t focus. He felt dizzy and heavy… he couldn’t move.

“Shhhh…” Terry hissed. “Don’t be scared… this will feel good. You’ll like it. Everything is fine.” Terry murmured, and Spencer began to gasp in horror. Terry’s hands moved up his thighs, and tears came to Spencer’s eyes as those hands reached his groin. Spencer was a late bloomer. He was fifteen, and just beginning to enter puberty. His genitals were still those belonging to a boy, not a man.

Terry sighed. “My God, you’re gorgeous… soft and smooth…” He fondled Spencer, and looked up at the soft sob. “Don’t worry.” Terry said in a comforting tone. “You’re young. It will get bigger. So will you. Shame, really…” And a hand slid down Reid’s thigh and underneath to cup the teen’s buttock. Spencer whimpered again. “My God, you’re soft… fresh and tender… I’ll be you’re sweet…” Spencer winced at the breath on his face, and then the tongue running up his chest, and neck… a breath on his ear… “I’ll bet you’re tight, too…” And a finger slid between his buttocks and fingered his entrance. Spencer closed his eyes and cried, tears flooding down his face as his body trembled in fear.

“Shhh… that’s for later…” Terry breathed, removing his hand from between Spencer’s legs and sliding down the zipper on his own pants, pulling out his erection and beginning to stroke his length with one hand, while stroking Spencer’s body with the other, panting and taking in the sight of the soft, young body. It only took a few minutes for him to find his release and ejaculate. He cleaned up with some tissues, covered Spencer’s naked body with the blankets and kissed his cheek.

“Sleep tight, squirt.” He murmured. “See you tomorrow.” And he slipped out of the room.

Reid sobbed as he recalled that… horrible violation… but it didn’t stop there. The memories continued to assault him…

Reid drove down the snow covered highway, heading back to Vegas from Salt Lake City after helping out on a case there. He was supposed to be on vacation, dammit! A pick up truck passed him by on the other side of the road. Ten minutes later, Reid noticed the same truck in his rearview mirror. It gunned its engine and blew past him. Reid scowled. He was tempted to turn on his lights and pull the guy over but he wasn’t Highway patrol. Another ten minutes later, the same truck was coming back towards him. Suddenly, it changed its path. It was coming straight for him! Eyes wide, Reid swerved. The truck matched it. They were still headed straight for each other! 

“NO!” Reid shouted, and jerked his wheel violently. At the last moment, the vehicles missed each other. Reid’s car skidded off of the road and his head bounced off of the steering wheel. He saw stars. The next thing he knew, cold air washed over him as the door to the car opened. He blinked up at a man, who was staring at him. The man reached out and brushed his fingers down Reid’s cheek.

“… Alex.” He breathed, and then plunged a needle into Reid’s neck. That was the last thing he remembered…

Reid sat gasping as he remembered his abduction by Jonathan Wilkes and the month he had spent living as the man’s son, Alexander, who had died years ago. His mind flashed back to Officer James Lestrap in Austin, Texas.

“I’m blind, not stupid.” Reid said calmly. “We should have been at the hotel by now. And we’re not. You’re speeding up. There are lots of fast moving cars around us… And I’ve kept track of your turns. We’re northbound on I 35. What’s your plan? You can’t just get rid of me. I’m a Federal Agent. If you kill me, there will be an army of agents down here hunting you. And if you let me go, I’ll bring you in. There’s no way out, officer. It’s over. Turn yourself in.”

“You arrogant little…”

Reid gasped as Lestrap lashed out and seized his hair. Then he head was slammed into the side of the car. The next thing he knew, he was being carried over Officer Lestrap’s shoulder. Judging by the sounds around them, they were in a cave. Reid’s wrists were bound in duct tape, as were his ankles. Strips of tape were layered over his mouth, as well. Suddenly, LeStrap stopped.

“It’s too bad, kid… I kinda liked you.” He said, lowering Reid to the cool stone floor. “I’m almost sad to do this.” Then, there was a foot on his ribs, shoving. Reid grunted as he was rolled, but then cried out as the rock beneath him vanished. He fell, and moments later splashed into a shallow pool. It wasn’t deep enough to fully break his fall, and he landed harshly on the stone floor of the pool. He thrashed, finally managing to sit up on his knees and get his head above the water. Then he sat there, shivering and whimpering in the cold, pain and fear, listening to LeStrap leaving him in the pitch blackness.

Reid sobbed softly, remembering the fear that had taken over. He dug his fingernails into his arm even harder as his thoughts drifted to Shane Harvey.

Hands spread his legs open and tilted his hips. 

Then a pressure. A hot pressure as he felt the blunt tip of Shane’s erection pressing up against him. The pressure grew and grew, and then there was agony as Reid’ body gave. He yelped as his body was painfully stretched by the unwanted penetration. Shane groaned loudly, sliding deeper and deeper into the young man’s body. Reid whined loudly, tears falling down his face. But Shane wasn’t concerned with that. He was only thinking about the hot flesh wrapped tightly around his length. It amazed him how the muscles tightened and contracted around him, seemingly hugging his erection, drawing it deeper still.

Reid breathed harshly through clenched teeth, groaning at the pain. He hissed when Shane drew out, leaving just the head of his erection in his body, then plowed forwards. Reid yelped, feeling something give. Then he felt a wet heat tricking over his leg. He gasped as Shane didn’t hesitate, but repeated the movement. It became a steady thing, pumping his thick erection into the thin body beneath him, and it was amazing. Shane was in heaven…

Reid however, was in hell. It hurt. There was no pleasure in this. And Reid felt like something had to be wrong with him for him to feel that this was a good thing. He drowned in the pain in his body, the sick feeling in his stomach, and the pounding guilt in his soul. 

Reid began to rock himself as the memories flooded back… 

Reid yelped as he was struck across the face again. He fell back and felt harsh hands on his hips, flipping him over. Shane climbed into the back of the car, closed the back hatch and straddled Reid’s thighs, wrestling his pants down. Reid cried out, thrashing. A moment later, there was tape over his mouth again. Reid closed his eyes, not allowing the tears to fall.

Thunder rolled over the car and rain began to fall. Reid decided that the rain was the world crying for him. And if the world cried for him, he wouldn’t have to cry for himself. He swallowed the lump in his throat and his eyes stopped prickling with the desire to let the tears fall. He closed his eyes and groaned in pain and helpless distress as his body was stretched to accommodate the unwelcome invader. But Shane didn’t give Reid’s body the time to adjust. He took him hard and fast and Reid cried out, digging his nails into the back of the folded down seat. Shane was intentionally being rough this time; he wanted to hurt Reid.

The youth closed his eyes, body shaking in both pain, and the cold temperature. The air grew thick and damp with the falling rain. Reid turned his focus away from what was happening between his legs and listened to the rain in the trees around them… the birds… the sun was beginning to rise. He allowed the peaceful noises to soothe his tortured soul. And he didn’t even realize that Shane had finished until the man pulled away. He pulled Reid’s pants up to cover his intimate areas, then climbed into the driver’s seat, started the car and started driving again. 

First Shane Harvey, then Arturo Coronado. Reid drew in a shaky breath. He had been abducted and sexually assaulted… FOUR times! By three different men! A sob escaped him as he amended that thought. Five men and three women… Terry Posadas, Shane Harvey, Arturo Coronado, and Coronado’s slaves, Paloma, Preciosa, Sirena, Jaguar and Aguilo. 

Reid’s head rolled on his shoulders as he groaned as his emotional pain began to build… His mind flashed through his first encounter with Coronado and the sexual torture the man had put him through on his yacht… then he flashed to the multiple rapes when he had been in Brazil, and the several instances where he had been assaulted by the other slaves. And now he was here… locked up… And in that moment, he felt his mental strength crumble, and his spirit shattered, the shards lacerating him through and through, heart and soul…

He had stayed strong through everything… all of them…

Coronado and his slaves…

Shane Harvey.

James Lestrap.

Jonathan Wilkes.

Andrew Cain.

Benjamin Cyrus.

Phillip Dowd.

Tobias Henkel.

Terry Posadas.

You are stronger than him. He can NOT break you.

Gideon had been right. They hadn’t broken him. None of them. He had gone head to head with all of them. He had made it through them all. They were all in his past. But now as he faced his past, he found them all standing against him. United. And he didn’t stand a chance. He faced them. And he lost.

And finally…

FINALLY.

Locked away from the world, miles away from his team, his family, his stability, Spencer Reid finally broke.

 

“HEY!” A patient cried. “The new kid’s losing it!”

Riley hurried into the room, and his eyes widened.

“Spencer! DR. HARRIS!!!” He thundered, and ran across the room, kneeling beside the arm chair where Reid sat curled up, sobbing hysterically and scratching his arm, violent tremors running through him. Riley seized his wrists, being careful with the one that was in a splint, and stared at the boy’s bloody fingertips, his own skin and flesh underneath his fingernails, and the inside of his elbow was a mess.

“Spencer.” The man gasped, trying to calm the youth. “Spencer, calm down… come on, kiddo… Look at me.” Several nurses and orderlies ran over, followed by Drs. Harris and Wycoff.

Reid cried out as he was dragged out of the chair and laid on the floor… hands were all over him. It had all become too much. His Post Traumatic Stress reared its head in a vicious attack unlike anything Reid had ever experienced. When he opened his eyes, he didn’t see the doctors, nurses and orderlies… He saw horrible faces from his past…

He saw Coronado and his slaves…

He saw Shane Harvey, James Lestrap, Jonathan Wilkes, Andrew Cain, Benjamin Cyrus, Phillip Dowd, Tobias Henkel and Terry Posadas.

“No!” Reid cried, tears flooding down his face. “Please… don’t hurt me! Please!” He heard voices, but he couldn’t make out their words. His mind raced. He had to give them what they wanted. Then they would leave him alone. “Do it…” He gasped, spreading his legs. “I won’t fight you. Please. Just do it and leave me alone. Ah!” He yipped when he felt a needle pierce the skin of his arm. He waited for the feel of euphoria. But it never came. Instead, a fog descended upon him. The voices became a dull roar in his ears, and his vision blurred. The faces became one mass, and then all was dark and quiet.

The men and women stood over the young man lying on the floor, tear tracks on his face and blood on his left arm and his right hand. He rolled his head and let out a weak whimper, struggling to spread his legs wider.

“Just get it over with… please… I… won’t fight… just don’t… hurt me…”

The staff stared down at him in sick horror as the boy continued to plead, his words slurring slightly.

“My God…” Riley breathed. “What has this kid gone through?”


	6. Chapter 6

“I warned you people that this would happen.” Hotch hissed into the phone, a storm raging in his eyes. The team was watching him, all tense in their own righteous fury. “I told you, this is his greatest fear come true!”

“Agent Hotchner. I’m sorry, but I think he’s worse off than any of us believed.”

“He was never like this until he was locked up there.” Hotch snarled. For some reason, his soft tone seemed so much more dangerous… Dr. Harris found himself wishing that the Agent would shout instead of using the low, smooth tone… 

“I want to take him home.” Hotch said. “As soon as I get back in town.”

“I’m afraid I can’t authorize that, Agent Hotchner.” Dr. Harris said. “He’s done himself physical harm. I release him and anything happens, I’m responsible. No sir. I’m sorry, but he needs to stay.”

“I want to talk to him.”

“He’s sedated.”

“Tell me what happened.” Hotch snarled, shaking in his anger.

“He hasn’t spoken a word all week. Hardly eats a thing. But after group therapy this morning, he snapped. We were called into the day room. He was in his usual chair by the window, but he was rocking himself and crying. He was hysterical. He had scratched the inside of his left elbow bloody. When we got him out of the chair and on the floor, he begged us not to hurt him… then… then he spread his legs and told us that he wouldn’t fight us and to just do it.”

Hotch stood frozen for a long time, before he slowly fell into a chair.

“He’s had a Major Depressive Episode, Agent Hotchner. A complete mental breakdown. At this time, I’m going to keep him under observation to make sure this wasn’t a psychotic break.” Dr. Harris said. 

“… I’ll be there this afternoon.” Hotch finally said, and hung up. The team watched as his phone fell to the floor, and their Unit Chief let his head fall into his hands.

“Hotch?” Morgan finally asked.

“… Reid snapped.” Hotch said softly.

“Snapped?!” Prentiss gasped, and they all moved in, eyes wide.

“He… had some sort of episode.”

 

“What happened?”

“I’m not sure.” Hotch said, finally standing. “But he hurt himself. And when they came to help him… he was not in touch with reality. I have to get back.” And he grabbed his phone from the floor. “Call Garcia, tell her to get me on the next flight back to Virginia!”

“You got it!” Morgan called after the man.

Hotch sped off to the nearest airport. Halfway there, his phone rang.

“Hotchner.”

“Sir, I have you booked on flight 395. You should make it just in time. You have a connection in Kansas City and fight 468 will bring you the rest of the way. This is the fastest way, sir. And a rental car is already waiting in your name.”

“Thank you, Garcia.”

“Is there anything else I can do for you, sir?”

“No, Garcia. Just help the team. If I need anything else, I’ll call.”

“And I’ll be here, sir.”

“Thank you, Penelope.” Hotch said, and hung up.

Several hours later, he was walking into the hospital of Willow Ridge. And once again, for the third time, he sight that greeted him was of his young lover in the bed, restrained and sedated. But by now, the sedative was wearing off. Reid was awake and staring at the ceiling.

“Spencer?” Hotch called gently. The boy didn’t respond. Slowly, the man approached. He moved to stand beside the bed, and he stared down. And he felt like his stomach was filled with ice.

This was not Spencer Reid. This was not HUMAN!

Those eyes were completely empty… void of all emotion. Hotch could usually see that brain working in those eyes… but no more. He saw nothing. And this terrified him.

“… Spencer?” He whispered and slowly reached out, running his fingers through the boy’s hair. “Baby?” He got no response. His heart was pounding. “Spencer, answer me. Please…” He gasped, desperately. “Talk to me, Reid.” Reid let out a soft sigh and closed his eyes. “Spencer… PLEASE, baby… don’t do this… look at me.” There was still no response. Hotch dropped into a chair, devastated. 

“Agent Hotchner.” He turned as Dr. Harris came in. The doctor’s eyes widened when the FBI Agent stood and turned to face him.

“What the hell have you done to him?!” Hotch demanded. Dr. Harris shook his head.

“Agent Hotchner… Dr. Reid is very sick.” Dr. Harris said, his voice heavy.

“No.” Hotch hissed, eyes blazing. “He wasn’t like this until he came in here! When he was with me… with US... The TEAM, he was fine! He was struggling a bit with some mild PTSD, but he was normal, and HAPPY. He would smile, and talk and laugh… I’ve not seen him smile or laugh since he found out he was coming here. This place is doing more harm than good.”

“Sometimes, Agent Hotchner, things get worse before they get better.” Dr. Harris said.

“Not THIS bad!” Hotch cried, pointing at Reid. “No. This isn’t right.”

“You may sit with him, Agent Hotchner.” Dr. Harris said. “But he cannot leave. Not after all he had done. He’s only given me more and more reasons to believe that this is where he belongs. I’m sorry you don’t agree, but this is what is best for you agent.”

 

Dr. Harris allowed Hotch to stay the night in the hospital with Reid. And Hotch only moved from the boy’s bedside once to use the bathroom. Several times during the night Hotch had to soothe the youth from nightmares that left him whimpering and crying and straining against the straps binding his wrists. When this happened, Hotch would lean over the bed and gently stroke his lover’s face and his hair, trying to rid him of the anguish he suffered even in sleep. But it kept coming back. Hotch was relieved when the sun finally rose. The wake up call was heard, and Reid opened his eyes. This time when Hotch called to him, the boy met his gaze. But there was still nothing in his eyes… they were as blank as a corpse.

Dr Harris came in and after an exam, Reid was released from his restraints and given a bowl of oatmeal. And after an hour of coaxing, begging and pleading from the doctor, two nurses and Hotch, Reid had only taken a few bites. And all of them had been at Hotch’s insistence… the boy only responded to his Unit Chief. He rose from the bed on his bidding, and allowed the man to guide him to the bathroom.

“Can you get undressed and bathe for me?” Hotch asked, gently. Reid stood stock still for a moment, then slowly shed his clothing. Hotch turned and started the shower, warming it up. Then he watched Reid step into the shower. Reid didn’t close the curtain. He just stood before the elder man and bathed himself, his movements reluctant, but mechanical. Hotch sighed, picking up a cloth, soaping it up and beginning to run it over the young man’s back. Reid tensed for a moment, but then slowly relaxed and leaned into the touches. Hotch closed his eyes for a moment, relieved at this response.

When Reid finished bathing, Hotch helped the boy dry off and dress in fresh clothes, and then he guided him out and sat with him while a nurse re-bandaged the inside of the boy’s elbow. Hotch had winced at the sight… Reid had scratched off ragged strips of his own skin.

When Reid was finally allowed out of the hospital wing, he was guided back to his room. Hotch frowned when he saw it, but said nothing. Reid stood in the middle of the room and didn’t move. After a moment, Hotch turned to face him.

“Spencer. Can you tell me what happened yesterday?” He asked. Reid didn’t move. He said nothing. “Spencer?” Hotch got no response. Slowly the man sat down on the bed, suddenly very tired. He leaned against the wall and ran a hand over his face. He gasped in surprise when Reid crawled onto the bed and curled up against his body, resting his head on the man’s chest. Hotch stared down at the boy, then smiled sadly and let his arms drape around the youth. And there they sat for several hours until the call for lunch was heard.

“Spencer?” Hotch murmured gently. “Ready for lunch?” Reid tensed, then curled up tighter, clutching Hotch tightly. “Hey… what’s wrong?” The man asked. Reid just hid his face. “Aren’t you hungry?” After a pause, Reid shook his head. “Spencer… you need to eat something.” Hotch got no response for the youth. “Spencer?” The boy shook his head, vigorously. “Come on, Spencer, get up.” Hotch said, and moved to get up himself. But Reid wouldn’t have it. Hotch grunted as he was shoved back down, and this time Reid didn’t curl up AGAINST him, but on TOP of him. The boy curled up in his lap and against his chest and clutched his shirt so hard his knuckles turned white. Hotch stared at the boy, feeling him shake and hearing soft gasps and a couple of miniscule whimpers.

“Spencer… baby…” Hotch breathed. “Oh Spencer…” He wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly, running a hand up and down the boy’s back, pressing a kiss to his head. “Look baby… Look at me…” And he took Reid’s chin in his fingers and lifted the boy’s head. “Spencer. I have to go home.” Reid’s eyes widened and he tightened his hold on the man. “I’ll be back. I’m going to get some fresh clothes and… maybe bring you some of your things, okay?” Reid just stared. “Come on, Spencer. I’m taking you to get some lunch.” And Hotch finally managed to get Reid to stand and shuffle out of the room. He guided his lover to the cafeteria and saw him to a seat. Then he laid a hand on the top of the boy’s head. 

“I’ll be back soon.” Hotch assured him, then turned and walked out. As soon as he was gone Reid began to shake, his eyes wide and frightened. With Hotch, there was comfort and security… with Hotch, he was safe. But now he was alone. He was vulnerable. And someone would try to hurt him. When his lunch was set down before him, he flinched. When the nurse walked away, Reid stared down at the bowl of soup. His heart pounded. What if it had been laced with something? His breathing picked up, and he trembled.

No. He wouldn’t eat it. He wouldn’t let them dose him with something. He stood and hurried from the cafeteria, returning to his room. And two hours later, that’s where Hotch found him. Reid was curled up tightly on the desk, staring out the window and lowly fingering the ring on his finger.

“Spencer.” Hotch called, gently. Reid turned and looked at him. Hotch watched as the boy perked up ever so slightly at the sight of him. “I heard that you didn’t touch your lunch.” Reid just stared at him. “Spencer?” Reid stared a moment longer, and then he uncurled and reached his arms out to the man, looking very much like a child begging to be held after skinning their knee. Hotch quickly crossed the room and pulled Reid into his chest, hugging him close. 

Dr. Harris and Riley appeared in the doorway, and watched. Hotch gently rocked his agent and ran a hand up and down the young man’s back. A moment later, he stepped back. 

“Feel better?”

Nod.

“Okay… think you can try to eat something?”

Shrug.

“Okay. Let’s try to eat.” And Hotch guided Reid to sit at the desk, and Riley placed a fresh bowl of hot soup before Reid. Reid stared at it suspiciously, and then shot Hotch a nervous look. “It’s okay.” Hotch said with a smile, picking up the spoon and dipping it into the soup, lifting it up. “Here. Eat.” Reid stared at him for another moment, then took the spoon and sipped the soup from it. He made a displeased face and Hotch chuckled. “Just eat it.” 

And with the man’s encouragement, Reid managed to get through half of the bowl before he refused to eat any more. Dr. Harris sighed, hoping that this trend of refusing to eat for anyone but Agent Hotchner wouldn’t continue. He couldn’t afford to have an FBI Agent hanging around…

That night when he returned home, he found the man and woman waiting for him.

“I want a progress report.” The woman said, staring at the man.

“He’s… not doing well.” Dr. Harris mumbled, refusing to meet her gaze.

“How so?”

“… He hasn’t spoken a word in a week. And he’s not eating enough to sustain himself. As it is, only Agent Hotchner can get him to eat, and even then the amount he eats is minimal. We may have to start force feeding him. Yesterday, he… had a complete breakdown. Now he won’t even respond to anyone but Agent Hotchner. He also hurt himself. I’m concerned that he is… suicidal.”

“Good.” The woman said, smirking. “Keep it up. But do NOT let him end it.”

“How long is this going to go on?!” Dr. Harris cried, looking incredibly distressed.

“As long as you can make it go. Because the moment it is over is the moment our business ends. If he dies, I will simply vanish. If you do anything to let him out and end his suffering… well… you know the consequences…”

“… I understand.” Dr. Harris gasped, looking devastated.

“Good.” The woman said and walked out, the man with her. The door closed behind them. Dr. Harris stood where he was for a long time after they left… Then, he fell into a chair. 

“My God, what have I gotten myself into?!”

 

Hotch stood in the doorway of Reid’s depressingly bare bedroom with Rossi and Morgan. JJ and Emily were in Reid’s room, trying to make it a bit less depressing. They had brought Reid his comforter from home; the comforter that had been on the bed in the loft before he had been evicted. They had folded it in half and Reid was curled up in it like a sleeping bag… after all, his bed in this room was a twin, the comforter was the size of a King. They had also brought him a fluffy pillow with an old Star Wars pillow case they had found when they raided the storage unit that Hotch had put Reid’s belongings in when the boy was evicted. They had put Reid’s favorite books on the shelf that was bolted to the wall over the desk, and some stationary, envelopes, stamps and a few pens were on the desk, in case Reid wanted to write his mother. Garcia had brought the boy his MP3 Player. JJ was working with a roll of scotch tape, and was putting photos of the team, and a couple of Diana Reid up on the wall (Reid wasn’t allowed picture frames because of sharp corners and glass). 

Garcia had also gone through Reid’s things and found something even Hotch hadn’t known about. In an old box, she found an old, well loved plush bear. She had washed it, and found that it was one of the old 13” vintage Care Bears; Bedtime Bear to be precise. When she had pulled it out of her bag, that was the first time Reid finally acknowledged the team’s presence. He stared at the bear, and his eyes widened, and then he reached out for it. Smiling, Garcia had stepped forward and placed the bear in his hands. Reid had immediately hugged the bear close, and that was when the team had finally felt comfortable enough to enter his room and begin to work.

Now, Reid was curled up with his Bedtime Bear, cocooned in his comforter with his head on the Star Wars pillow. Garcia was sitting beside him on the bed, running her hand up and down his back while she read to him. And she was reading him ‘Harry Potter’. Not only that, but she had brought him the entire series, telling him he needed some joy in this dismal place. 

Hotch smiled as he stared at his young lover, who was resting quietly, listening to Garcia read to him about the boy living in a cupboard under the stairs. Emily borrowed the tape from JJ and began to layer tape on a navy blue pillow case, taping it up over the window like a curtain, covering the small hole in the wall. Then she took out a white ribbon and tied it around the middle of the pillow case bunching it up and making it look a little less… well… like a pillow case taped over the window. Rossi chuckled at the sight. 

JJ dug through Garcia’s bag and pulled out a little bamboo plant in a plastic pot, and set it on the desk. Emily dug around as well and pulled out a little Febreeze Noticeable Plug In. She inserted the scented oil bottles into the Plug In and stuck it into the outlet. Within seconds, the scent drifted through the room. It was a sweet, warm scent that made one think of Autumn. 

Then JJ and Emily stepped onto the bed, carefully stepping over Reid, and taped up a large copy of the promotional poster for Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, as well as a couple of small prints, including one of Einstein, one of Stephen Hawking, and one of Mr. Spock. 

At this point, Morgan had joined in the fun, and taped up a poster on the wall opposite of Reid’s bed; it was a map of Middle Earth, and put up a copy of the Periodic Table of Elements over the boy’s desk.

“… It’s a geek’s paradise.” Rossi murmured to Hotch, and the man grinned. 

“Done!” JJ announced. Hotch smiled and walked in.

“I have one more thing for you, Spencer.” Hotch said, walking in. He knelt beside the bed and pulled something out of his wallet. “Here. Hold on to this for me?”

Reid blinked and reached out, taking the little rectangular piece of paper. He turned it over and looked at it. And then, for the first time in two weeks, he smiled.

It was a photo of the team’s Fourth of July Barbecue. Hotch and Reid were sitting at the picnic table with Jack sitting between them. All three were grinning and leaning in together. 

“There’s that gorgeous smile.” Garcia cooed.

Rossi entered the room at that point. It was starting to get crowded in there.

“I brought you this.” Rossi said, and held out a nice, wooden chess set for Reid to see, before he turned and put it on the desk.

“I tried to bring you some dirty magazines but they wouldn’t let me.” Morgan chuckled, and Reid smiled again. “So instead, I brought you THIS!” And Morgan dove into Garcia’s bag and pulled out a bag… it was McDonalds. “Still warm!” And he pulled out the fries and offered them to Reid. Reid stared, eyes wide.

“Please, Spencer?” Hotch asked, smiling and sitting down on the side of the bed.

A few minutes later, Dr. Harris paused as he walked down the hall… was that… burgers and fries?! 

Sniffing the air, he found himself outside of Spencer Reid’s room. The boy’s team was sitting around enjoying McDonalds. At first, he was going to run in and scold them. But then he saw his patient. The boy was eating. He was SMILING. This was the first time Dr. Harris had ever seen the young man smile. But he could still see the depression in the boy’s eyes. Guilt flooded through him.

He wanted to barge into that room and tell all of those people to take their beloved teammate home... nothing was wrong with him. He was fine! 

But then he thought about what would happen if he did… to his ex wife… to his daughters… And he closed his eyes and walked past the room, leaving his patient where he was. But as far as he was concerned, the boy’s team was welcome any time if they could get the boy to eat and give him a little bit of happiness. The boy deserved it.

Dr. Harris entered his office and closed the door behind himself, closing his eyes and fighting back tears. And he tried to figure out how to get out of this situation without someone getting hurt… Like Dr. Devereux.

 

All conversation in Reid’s room stopped when JJ’s phone rang. She excused herself and stepped out into the corridor. The team waited, tense. The look on hr face when she returned confirmed their fears.

“Sorry Spence.” She said, softly. Then she looked at Hotch. “San Diego needs us. It’s urgent.” 

Hotch sighed, looking down at his young lover. Reid looked at him. “You know we’ll be back as soon as we can, baby.” Hotch said. Reid offered him a small smile, and nodded. Hotch smiled back and leaned over, gently kissing the boy’s forehead. “You behave yourself. And eat. Please. You’re losing too much weight.”

Reid sighed and nodded, curling up under his blanket. One by one, the team bade him goodbye, and then he was left alone. He clutched his bear close and nestled down into his blanket, closing his eyes. And with a belly full of more food than he had eaten in the past three days combined, Reid drifted off to sleep, not even waking when the lunch call came out half an hour later. Riley stopped in to check on him and was surprised by the dramatic change in the young man’s room, but he smiled and stepped in, tucked the blankets tightly around the patient and removing the ribbon from the pillow case on the window, letting it cover the barred glass completely. Then he flicked off the lights and quietly closed the door.


	7. Chapter 7

Dr. Harris and Dr. Wycoff were working together in the group therapy the day after the team had gone to San Diego. They watched patiently as their charges came in, or were guided in. Reid was, as usual, the last to arrive. But this time he shuffled in clutching his Bedtime Bear. And then, as usual, he ambled over to the desk in the corner and slid onto it, curling up and staring out the window. 

Drs. Harris and Wycoff glanced at each other, but then began the session. It was almost over before another silent glance had them in agreement, and they turned.

“Spencer?” Dr. Wycoff called, and after a moment, Reid turned and looked in her general direction. “Would you like to tell the group what it is you have there?” She watched as Reid tensed and tightened his hold on the bear and curled up even tighter, leaning into the wall and away from the group. Dr. Wycoff sighed.

“Now, Spencer.” Dr. Harris said sternly. “The point of this group is to discuss yourself and let your companions help you. No one can help you if you won’t talk to us.” Reid turned and looked back out the window again. The man let out an exasperated sigh.

When the group session was over, he and Dr. Wycoff watched Reid shuffle off to the day room. He curled up in his armchair by the window, put in some ear buds and turned on an MP3 player. Then he closed his eyes, hugged his bear close and just… sat there.

“Great.” Harris grumbled. “ANOTHER way to ignore me.”

“Is he really that bad?” Wycoff laughed.

“And worse.” Harris snorted. And sure enough, when their private session time came, Reid plopped himself down on the sofa as far away from Dr. Harris as possible clutching his bear, buds in his ears and a book stolen from the bookshelf again. And he proceeded to ignore the man. Dr. Harris eventually took the book and the MP3 Player, but Reid just curled up, hid his face and continued to ignore the man. Harris was beside himself in his frustration. As soon as the hour was up, Reid stood, plucked his MP3 from Dr. Harris’s fingers and slipped out of the room, once again parking himself in his favorite chair until dinner, which he didn’t touch. And which he skipped out on as soon as he could.

 

The team was in San Diego for three days. When they returned that morning, Hotch wanted to go see Reid, but he had another appointment he had to keep.

He parked in front of the small office and walked in.

“… Aaron Hotchner?” A woman called, poking her head through a doorway.

“Yes.” Hotch said, smiling and offering his hand. She hurried out and took it.

“Aaron!” She greeted, and the pair shared a small, formal embrace. “It’s so GOOD to see you. I’m so sorry to hear about you and Haley…” She told, him, leading him into her office. He sat down, glancing at the name plate on the desk reading ‘Barbara Newkirk’. “Are you selling the house, then?”

“No, not at all. Haley is going to raise Jack in that house.” Hotch said, smiling.

“You’re keeping it.” The woman clarified, blinking in confusion. “So… what can I do for you, then?”

“… I’m in the market.” Hotch said. She stared. “Haley is my High School Sweetheart.” Hoch told her with a small smile. “But… I’ve met my soulmate. We’ve been together for nearly a year. Known each other for many years. And… I can’t imagine life without him.”

“… Him?” She asked, looking surprised.

“Yeah. I know. I didn’t expect it either. But… It happened. And it’s time we… committed.”

“Are you going to get married?” She asked. “I mean… It’s legal in DC…”

“… No. We… can’t.” Hotch said.

“… Alright… I won’t pry.” Ms. Newkirk said with a smile. “I’m glad you’ve found someone. So… what are you looking for? Condo? Townhouse?”

“A house.” Hotch said.

“What kind of house?” She asked.

“Three bedroom.” Hotch said. “A Master, a place for my son when he stays with me, and a guest room. And a study. I work a lot at home, but Spencer not only brings work home, but writes papers and is working on additional Degrees to add to his… collection.”

“Okay.” She said, beginning to type on her computer. 

“Quiet neighborhood, maybe a bit… out of town. A place with a younger, more liberal population.” Hotch said slowly. “Large yards to give us… privacy.”

“Okay… what KIND of house? Any particular styles?”

“… Not modern.” Hotch said. “Something… traditional. Older. Conservative.”

“Ooookay. A conservative house in a liberal neighborhood…” She giggled. “Like… Old America? Colonial?”

“Maybe something like… I dunno…” Hotch sighed. “I mean… Spencer likes… old literature. His mother was a professor if 15h Century Literature… he grew up reading that kind of stuff… He refuses to get a Kindle…” Hotch grinned. “He insists on having an actual book. He prefers hard copies of case files and crime scene photos to on a computer. And you should see how he dresses…” Hotch chuckled. 

“Okay, so you’re looking for a house that fits HIM.” Ms. Newkirk said with a grin. 

“… Yeah. Yeah, I think so.” Hotch said.

“Sounds to me like maybe something like Victorian or Tudor style…”

“Sounds right.” Hotch said with a nod.

“Okay then. Give me a price range, I’ll start looking, and I’ll call you back!” 

“Sounds good.” Hotch said, and left the office with hope and determination burning in him. He was going to get his Spencer out of that fucking hospital, and he would take him home to a house. Their very own house… their HOME. And with those thoughts in his head, he made the drive out to Willow Ridge. When he got there, he was pointed to the day room where he found Reid.

“Has he eaten today?” Hotch asked, looking at the nurse. She sighed.

“No. He wouldn’t touch his breakfast.” She said softly.

“When is lunch?”

“Ten minutes.”

“Okay. I’ll try to get him to eat something.” Hotch said, then walked across the room. He found himself standing over Reid. The boy was in the arm chair curled up tightly clutching his bear, headphones in his ears. The MP3 player was sitting on the arm of the chair. Hotch looked down at the screen to see what his young lover was listening to. ‘Hook Soundtrack’ by ‘John Williams’. Track title ‘You Are the Pan’. Hotch smiled. 

Reid was enchanted by the story of Peter Pan, and one of his favorite movies was ‘Hook’, which told the story of what happened when Peter Pan (Robin Williams) grew up, and had to return to Neverland when Captain Hook (Dustin Hoffman) kidnapped his kids. Hotch knew that Reid was playing the movie behind his closed eyes as he listened to the soundtrack. There was a look of relaxation on his face... almost a smile.

Hotch looked around… there was no one near them. No one watching… He moved and knelt before the chair, reaching out and laying his hand on Reid’s cheek, and pressing their lips together. Reid jumped and gasped, but a moment later he sighed and melted into the kiss, his body slipping into the elder’s arms with a soft coo. They broke the kiss and stared one another in the eyes. Hotch smiled at Reid, caressing his cheek with a hand and staring into his eyes. And he fought with everything he had to keep the heartbreak out of his eyes as he stared into Reid’s empty eyes… It killed him to see it.

“Come on, baby.” Hotch said, and coaxed Reid to his feet. “Time to eat something.” Reid gave him a pleading look. “None of that. Come on now.” Hotch said, and Reid was one of the first in the cafeteria for lunch. Lunch was a baked potato. And it was a struggle to get Reid to eat. Hotch was frustrated and worried. His young lover was pallid, and thin… so thin… he was losing weight rapidly. It was like pulling teeth just to get the young man to eat a few bites of his lunch, and Reid was miserable the entire time. He didn’t relax until he had returned to his room, and once there he was perfectly content to curl up to Hotch on the bed and just… sit.

Hotch sighed as he stared down at the young man. Reid was curled up in his comforter with his bear, his head and shoulders in Hotch’s lap. Hotch plucked up the MP3 Player and scrolled through the albums. He was sure that half of the music came from Garcia’s hijacking of Reid’s MP3. He put on a playlist labeled ‘Relaxation Tunes’ and pulled out the headphones, activating the speakers in the little device. Reid sighed softly as the soothing music filled the room and nuzzled Hotch’s hand with his cheek. Hotch almost expected his young lover to start purring. But the boy was silent. He just lay there and stared off into space, and before Hotch knew it, the boy was fast asleep.

When Dr. Harris arrived several hours later to check on his patient, he found the boy sleeping quietly, his head resting in his Unit Chief’s lap. And the man was slumped against the wall, also asleep. Dr. Harris cleared his throat. Hotch blinked his eyes open.

“I’m sorry, Agent Hotchner.” The man said softly. “But it’s almost dinner time. Visiting hours are over.”

“Oh. Of course.” Hotch said softly, and slid out from under Reid while holding up the boy’s head and then shoving his pillow there in place of his thigh. He stood there, staring down at his precious little mate, and gently brushed his fingers over the boy’s hair, then reluctantly walked out of the room, leaving the boy to sleep.

Dr. Harris came in to wake Reid for dinner. Reid stretched like a cat, and reached a hand out to feel the leg under his head. But he only felt his pillow… Reid opened his eyes and looked up, staring at the spot where Hotch had been when he had gone to sleep. But no one was there. Dr. Harris watched Reid blinked slowly, and then immediately deflate. 

“Come on, Spencer.” The man said gently. Reid slowly stood, eyes to the floor, and shuffled off to the dining room. And once again, he sat for fifteen minutes without touching his meal, and then slipped away in silence. He made his way to the bathroom, hoping to shower while everyone was at dinner. He started the water and waited for it to warm up, and then he slowly stripped off his clothes and stepped under the water.

He began to bathe himself, relaxing at the feel of the warm water caressing his skin. He was almost done when he heard the door open… He heard footsteps crossing the bathroom. Heavy breathing… And then the shower curtain was ripped back. Reid whirled with a shriek and threw himself into the corner, collapsing onto the floor and curling up as tightly as he could, screaming hysterically… he waited… he waited for rough hands to grab him and throw him down… To pin him down and force his legs apart… to rip into his body and leave him bleeding on the floor.

He never noticed Pietrov screaming in Russian, and begin to hit his head against the wall over, and over… He never noticed doctors and nurses and orderlies rushing into the bathroom and tackling Pietrov, administering a sedative. He never noticed the staff then approaching him nor did he hear them speaking to him. But the moment they touched him, he fell apart. Sobbing hysterically, he allowed them to pull him away from the corner and lay him down. 

And for the second time, Dr. Harris and the others had to fight to ignore their twisting gut as the young man lay back and spread his legs, begging them to just do it… he wouldn’t fight them… please don’t hurt him… they could have what they wanted from him, just please, PLEASE be gentle… he won’t fight… they can have him…

They had to sedate him.

And Dr. Harris again had to call Aaron Hotchner…

 

It was the gentle touches that brought Reid into awareness… A hand holding his… a larger hand caressing his face… fingers running through his hair. He inhaled deeply, and his senses tingled at the familiar scent of a certain aftershave. He opened his eyes.

“Hey… There you are…” Emily said softly, brushing his hair out of his face. Reid blinked at her in the light of the morning sun. Slowly, he turned his head and looked around. Everyone was there but JJ and Rossi.

“Hey there, Butter Cream.” Garcia said softly. Reid turned and looked at her, then closed his fingers around hers; it was her hand that had been holding his. Then he turned and nuzzled his cheek into the larger hand, nearly purring as he savored his lover’s touch.

“Spencer…” Hotch murmured softly. “What happened? Why did you panic?” Reid just stared at him for a moment, then turned away. Hotch just sighed. “Can you eat something?” The team watched as Reid’s hand, which was lying on his abdomen, slowly closed into a fist around the light blanket covering him.

“Reid…” Morgan called gently. “You know that no one in this place will hurt you, right?” Reid looked up and met the man’s gaze for a moment, but then he turned away again, heaving a deep, sad sigh.

“Spencer… I’m worried about you…” Hotch said. Reid closed his eyes. “You’re not eating… you haven’t spoken a word, other then when you’re in what the doctor has described as… a flashback…”

Reid turned and gave the man a confused look. 

“It’s happened twice…” Hotch said. “You collapsed and started screaming… And then when they touched you… you… you spread your legs and told them to just do it… that you wouldn’t fight them, if they just wouldn’t hurt you…”

Reid stared at the man, what little color that was present in his face draining away. Then he jerked away from his team, sliding out of the bed and shouldering Garcia aside.

“Reid!” Emily called, and they all stumbled over each other to follow him. He ran through Willow Ridge, finally reaching his room. Once there, he slammed the door and leaned against it, listening to his team calling to him from on the other side.

“Spencer, open the door!” Hotch commanded. But Reid just closed his eyes and slowly slid to the floor, just as tears slid down his face.

“Reid. Open the damn door.” Morgan growled. “Don’t MAKE me kick it in! I’m not on the clock right now!” 

The team heard him moving, and they all watched as the boy slowly opened the door, no one paying any attention to Dr. Harris, who was running over to investigate.

Reid stared at his team, and finally spoke. “Leave.” He said, his voice low. “And don’t come back.” Everyone stared at him.

“Spencer, you—“

“Don’t.” Reid cut Hotch off. “The worst thing about this place, is seeing you walk out the door and leave me behind. And I can’t take it. Every time it happens, I want to die.” Hotch stared at Reid in heartbroken shock. Garcia clung to Morgan tears flooding down her face. “So I will make this perfectly clear…” Reid continued. “The next time I see you, it will be because you are here to take me home. Otherwise, I do NOT want to see you.” And he looked Hotch straight in the eyes. “… ANY of you.” Tears ran down the broken young man’s face. “And if I am to spend the rest of my life here, then so be it. But if that is the case, then I NEVER want to see ANY of you EVER again. Because seeing you leave hurts more than being here alone.” His eyes snapped to Dr. Harris.

“I do NOT want visitors ever again. The next time I will see ANY one, is if I am going home, or if I am on my fucking death bed.” He said. Dr. Harris just stared.

“Dr. Reid, I don’t think that’s a good—“

“I don’t give a fuck WHAT you think. That is what I want. If you don’t respect my wishes, I sure as hell won’t ever respect YOUR wishes ever again.” Reid snapped. Then he turned and stared Hotch in the eyes, and walked right up to him.

“… I mean it.” He whispered, taking the man’s hands. “… Don’t come back.” And then he turned and walked back into his room.

“Spencer!” Hotch gasped. Reid turned and looked at him, then closed the door.

“… I think you folks should go.” Dr. Harris said softly. Garcia sobbed, clinging tightly to Morgan. Hotch just stared at the man. And he was speechless.

 

Rossi walked into the small, dimly lit bar and looked around. His eyes came to rest on the figure of a man that had apparently decided to be the poster boy for Despair and Misery.

Aaron Hotchner was at the far end of the bar, at the darkest corner in the place, slumped over the shiny wooden surface and staring into his glass. Rossi walked over and slid onto the stool beside the younger man, staring at his fisted hand… he was working his hand around… SOMETHING.

“… Emily told me.” The man said gently. Hotch sighed, picking up his glass and draining the contents. Then he set the glass down again.

“… I’ve lost him.”

“No. He’s just…”

“He’s lost hope.” Hotch breathed, then turned and fixed his red and watery eyes on the man. “He’s lost his faith in us. In ME.”

“What makes you say that, Aaron?” Rossi asked. Hotch sighed and looked down at his fisted hand, then slowly opened his fingers. Rossi looked down at a soft clatter, and his heart clenched. There, before him, was a little gold ring with a ruby set in it… it was Reid’s ring… the ring that he wore with his lover’s birthstone in it.

“He gave it to me. And then told me not to come back.” Hotch gasped. Rossi didn’t know what to say… he didn’t know what he COULD say… Aaron Hotchner was utterly devastated. 

“I’ve failed him, Dave… I wasn’t able to protect him from his worst fear…”

“Then you have to get him out.” Rossi stated calmly. “And you’re not going to do that sitting here.”

“… But… where do I start?”

“Where is the best place to start?” Rossi asked, then smiled. “At the beginning.” Hotch blinked. “… Let’s find Dr. Carlson.”

 

“Okay…” Garcia said, tapping away at her computer while Morgan stood there sipping a coffee and eating a donut. Rossi, JJ, Hotch and Emily stood around in a tense silence. “Apparently, Dr. Carlson put in his two week notice rather… unexpectedly. His last day was the day he diagnosed Reid. And after that, he drops off of the grid. His house is on the market, his wife quit her job… They haven’t been seen since.”

“We have to find him, Garcia…” Hotch said, frowning. “He knows something. There has to be some reason why he would give a false diagnosis.” Garcia nodded and began typing away. 

“If there is anything to find, sir, I’ll find it…” She said.

“Thank you. Now if you will excuse me, I have a meeting to go to.” Hotch said, and left. Half an hour later, he was in the office of Barbara Newkirk, determined to continue his quest to find a house for his lover and himself.

“Alright, Aaron.” She said with a smile. “I’ve found several homes that might interest your and your partner. When will I get to meet him, by the way?”

“I’m not sure. He’s having a rough time right now. He was… abducted. And right now he’s in a hospital. I want him to have a home to come home to when he gets out.”

“I see.” Ms. Newkirk said. “Alright then, let’s get down to it. I chose this neighborhood for you.” And she slid a little brochure across her desk. “It’s an OLD neighborhood that is being restored. People have been flipping houses there.”

“huh?”

“Buy a run down house, fix it up, sell it.” She explained. “Anyway, mostly younger people, good clean cut families. It’s an established neighborhood. They started their… rejuvenation project about ten years ago, it’s a whole new place. But they’re relatively liberal… there is a small handful of homosexual couples… three of them are raising children. I talked to them personally. They LOVE the neighborhood and said that they have very few problems with the neighbors for their orientation. And apparently, they’re discreet, too. It’s a close knit neighborhood, everyone watches out for each other… they have neighborhood barbecues and things… Annual Fourth Of July Parade, barbecue and games for the kids all day… A Neighborhood Watch Patrol on a volunteer basis… Good, middle class neighborhood.”

“Sounds fantastic!” Hotch said. “And… houses?”

“I have half a dozen I can take you to see. All newly flipped.”

“… Let’s go!” Hotch said, and they stood and left.

 

Reid lay curled up on his bed. He had been there all day. He had refused to get up for breakfast, for group therapy, for lunch, for his private session, and now he was ignoring the attempts of Dr. Harris and Riley to get him to eat dinner. He had curled up under his blanket and was hiding his face. He was completely heartbroken. He missed his team… he missed Aaron… desperately… but he would rather deal with this heartbreak than the crushing agony of watching them leave him behind again and again and again…

As far as he was concerned, his life with over. And now he was in his own Purgatory. And the only escape was death. And that was when he seriously began to contemplate actively seeking his own demise.

He was suicidal. 

And he didn’t care.

He just wanted it to end…


	8. Chapter 8

The car pulled to a stop before a well manicured lawn, sprawling and open. The house was had creamy stucco walls, and dark red half circle ceramic roof tiles. Realtor Barbara Newkirk got out with SSA Aaron Hotchner.

“Alright.” She said with a smile at her client. “House Number One.” And they made their way up the front walk. “Classic Mediterranean Style.” She began. They reached the wall that had a wood and wrought iron gate. She pushed down on the latch and the door swung open. They stepped into a small courtyard that led to the dark wooden front door. The courtyard was terra cotta tile with beautiful ferns around the border. The sound of trickling water drew your eyes to a fountain. A Stone lion’s head was spout. The water poured out of the lion’s gaping mouth and fell into a stone basin. Hotch found himself with a sudden mental image of Garcia putting goldfish into the fountain… Mediterranean didn’t seem… fitting for Reid and himself, but he decided to give it a shot. 

And so they toured the property. There was a living room and a den. A sweeping staircase in the foyer. A study by the den. A large kitchen and breakfast nook. A patio outside of the kitchen and living room overlooking a fancy pool in the back yard. Upstairs there were four bedrooms and three bathrooms. The master bedroom had a fireplace and a lavish bathroom with a large walk in glass shower with two shower heads. But Hotch had already decided that his house wasn’t for them… It was to wide and open and… bright… Hotch knew that Spencer preferred it dim and cozy. 

And so they made their way to the second house. And Hotch was immediately struck by the almost creepy elegance of the Victorian home, complete with a tower. They walked up to the front porch, wooden steps creaking pleasantly under their steps. They stepped into the foyer. It was dark and gloomy, with a long shadowed staircase before them. The living room to their left had an elegantly carved mahogany fireplace. To the right was the dining room that was connected to the kitchen. Up the stairs they found three bedrooms, and a spiral staircase that led up to the tower, which could possibly work as a small office. Hotch was… pleased. And he thought that Reid would be, too. Plus, they could make one of the bedrooms the study… Jack would be thrilled at the idea of having his bedroom in the tower.

House number three was a modest two story Tudor style home. It was a bit more open than the Victorian, but Hotch really didn’t like the set up… But the backyard was beautiful. Then he found the water damage on the floor in the breakfast nook towards the back of the house. It wouldn’t be hard to fix, but he wanted to know how it happened first.

House number four was almost an immediate ‘no’. It was a ranch style house, and Hotch just… didn’t like it.

House number five was a plantation style house with a porch and second floor balcony that wrapped around the sides… It was nice, but just didn’t seem to fit himself and his little mate…

House six was on the corner of a busy intersection, and hardly had any trees… There was no privacy in the yard. 

The entire way to a small restaurant, Hotch thought over the houses. When he and Ms. Newkirk settled in to eat, Hotch began to look over the papers.

“Number one… no. It’s just not our style… too bright and open. And the pool… not something we’re interested in. We’ll never use it.” The man said. “Now… Two and three are… possibles.”

“I’ll look into that water damage.” The woman said, scribbling. 

“Reid would like those houses.” Hotch continued. “Four was awful,” the woman grinned, “Five is just… well… it’s not us… and I don’t like the location of the sixth.”

“So… interested in two and three.”

“Yes, I think-- wait.” And Hotch pulled out his phone. “Yeah, JJ… okay. On my way.” And he closed his phone. “I’m sorry, I’ve got a case.”

“Of course.” She said, smiling.

 

Three Days Later

 

Spencer Reid lay in the bed in the Willow Ridge Infirmary, staring out the window at the brilliant blue sky and the changing leaves… He was flat on his back, wrists restrained with IV fluids being administered. He was restrained because he kept pulling the needle out… 

His stomach churned… the staff had just fed him. By force with a tube down his throat. He had refused to eat since the day he told the team to leave and not come back. Reid knew that it was foolish to think that they might allow him to starve to death in that place, but some part of him HAD hoped… He knew that when one was starving, the body released endorphins as it began to break down and burn its own tissue for fuel… It really didn’t sound like a bad way to go…

Garcia had tried to visit that morning… But Reid had refused to see her. He knew that the woman had left in tears, but… what he had told the team was the truth. Seeing them leaving without him killed him more and more each time he had to watch them leave. But they had been his only source of comfort… Now he had nothing. Nothing but his MP3, his Bedtime Bear, and his memories. He had taken to sitting in his chair by the window in the day room, close his eyes and relive moments in his mind… wonderful moments with the team… 

His 24th birthday with the trick candles on his birthday cake…

Having dinner in New York City while he struggled with chop sticks…

Morgan and Rossi helping him on the Riley Jenkins case…

Lila Archer and Morgan’s teasing…

Embracing Emily after the compound was blown up in the Benjamin Cyrus case…

Embracing Hotch after Henkel…

Hotch…

Their first night together… their first kiss… their first time making love…

The purchase of their rings… God, he missed the feel of the ring on his finger…

Christmas in Santa Fe…

His first case with the BAU…

Playing chess with Gideon…

Gideon. Reid sighed… did the man know what had happened? 

He wondered what Gideon would do when he heard that his protégé was locked up in the loony bin. Slowly, Reid closed his eyes. 

Whatever. What did it matter? As long as he was in this place, he was as good as dead. He was kept away from the world, and the world was kept away from him. All he had were memories… memories of when he had been happy. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

He opened his eyes and stared out the window, wondering if he would ever be happy again…

 

Dr. Harris sat on his sofa in his living room, drowning his worries in Scotch. But they weren’t about to leave him alone this night…

“You look upset.” He jumped and looked up at the purring female voice. They were here. The man and woman stared at him. The man’s face was blank, as usual, the woman was smirking, a sinister gleam in her eyes.

“How is he doing?” She asked.

“… How the hell do you think he’s doing?!” Dr. Harris demanded. “He’s devastated, depressed and terrified of his current situation. And in addition to the already existing depression, he’s on depressants and Tylenol PM! He sleeps a good fifteen hours a day! He hasn’t spoken a word since he told his team, his SUPPORT CIRCLE, to leave and never come back! Those people are his family! And he said he never wants to see them again. He refuses to eat, we have to FORCE feed him! He wants to die!” The man suddenly stood and hurled his glass across the room. “It’s only a matter of time before he finds a way to end his own life.”

“Good.” The woman said with a smirk. “Keep it that way. But don’t let him die. I want him to live a long, long life just as he is.”

Dr. Harris stared. “No.”

“… Excuse me?” She hissed and the man dropped his arms, which had been folded over his chest.

“Why?!” Dr. Harris demanded, walking up to her. The man quickly stepped between them, protectively. “You tell me this…” Dr. Harris hissed. “What did he ever do to you to make you want him to suffer so much? He’s a good, GOOD man!”

“He’s a murderer.” The woman hissed. “He ruined my life…”

“How?!”

“… He killed my Master.” The woman snapped. “And if you back out and do ANYTHING to ease his suffering… I will kill you.” And she turned and stalked away, the man following her. As they walked down the street, the man sighed.

“I wonder how the others are?” He murmured.

“THEY are not our concern.” The woman snapped.

“They are our family, Paloma.”

“No, they are not.” She snarled. “THEY moved on. Their lack of loyalty is atrocious.”

“Master is gone.”

“That doesn’t mean we are no longer loyal to him.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to go back to Mr. Winters?” 

“And do what, Jaguar?!”

“… Preciosa is in Culinary School… Sirena is learning English and going to school for a certification in Massage Therapy. And Aguilo has gotten a job as a model. Mr. Winters is helping them apply for Citizenship.” Jaguar said. “We could have the chance for a new life, too.”

“My first duty is to Master. Whether he is dead or alive. Cachorro killed him. I will make sure he spends the rest of his life suffering for his betrayal.” 

Jaguar sighed… there was NO way he was talking her out of this. She was determined to make Cachorro suffer as much as possible. And when Paloma was determined, the only one who ever stood a CHANCE of stopping her was Master… And with him dead… well… 

Jaguar sighed and followed her.

There was no stopping this woman…

 

Hotch sighed as he walked into the Victorian house. Ms. Newkirk was behind him. The team had finished up their case the previous day, and so Hotch had asked to see the Victorian and Tudor houses again.

“Well?” Ms. Newkirk asked.

“I don’t think the Tudor house is a good fit. The layout… I just don’t like it. But this…” He sighed and looked around. “I have… ONE concern.”

“Oh?” She asked.

“Spencer’s mind runs at hyper speed. He has an over active imagination and is afraid of the dark. If he’s here alone at night… I think his mind will scare him to death!” Hotch exclaimed. Ms. Newkirk stared at him, then grinned.

“It IS kind of creepy…” She admitted.

“It’s still a possible, but…” Hotch trailed off.

“… You know what…” Ms. Newkirk said, looking like a sudden thought had come to her. “Come with me.” And they trotted out to the car and got in. She drove to the edge of the neighborhood, and pulled up in front of a house. Hotch got out of the car, and stared.

A stone wall about four feet high surrounded the property. The little wooden gate had an iron arch over it, overgrown with a climbing vine plant. It looked like Wisteria. The front yard was a wildly overgrown garden spotted with large, mature trees… yet it was very… pleasing to the eye. It was organized chaos… much like Spencer’s desk at the Bureau. The garden surrounded a quaint little stone house… an Old English Cottage. The stonework was mossy and ivy was crawling up the walls. The windows were rectangular with rounded edges. They had dark green shutters and window boxes, and the roof tiles were also a dark grayish green. The front door was a dark green that matched the shutters. Hotch found a small smile coming to his lips. 

“It JUST came on the market this morning.” Ms. Newkirk said. “A family bought it, and were flipping it to live in. But then the husband got a HUGE promotion and they had to move to the West Coast immediately. So they need to sell, FAST. You’ll probably get a good deal on it, due to their need for a rapid sale, and the fact that the work isn’t complete.”

“Oh?” Hotch said. 

“Yes. They were expanding. Come on. I’ll show you!” And Hotch nodded. They stepped through the little gate and made their way up the winding stone path through the garden to the front door. The front hall had two little doorways on either side. Hotch stepped through the one on the right. It was a small, cozy room with a fireplace to his right, and the wall to his left was one massive bookcase. Hotch’s heart began to thump against his ribs. He went back into the front hall and took the doorway on the right. A kitchen. A kitchen with a nice large space for a dining table before a large window that looked out onto the back yard. Hotch went back out into the main hall and headed deeper into the house. Before him was a door leading to the back yard. To his left was the wall separating the hall from the kitchen. But to the right, as soon as they passed the little room with the fire place and book case was a staircase. 

“They just put this in.” Ms. Newkirk said, pointing to the stairs. “This was a single story.” The stairs had been built against the wall of a large room that the hall had suddenly opened up into. Windows showed the back yard again, and there were three doors and one dark hallway in that room. Through one was a small room with a small bathroom attached. The second door led to a larger room with a larger bathroom. The dark hallway had two doors in it. The door to the side was a closet, and the door at the end of the hall led into a laundry room that wasn’t completed, and yet ANOTHER door. Through this was the garage, that like the laundry room, had not been completed.

“As you can see, this is one of the projects they were working on. One of those other rooms USED to be the Master Bedroom.” Ms. Newkirk said.

“And now?” Hotch asked.

“Upstairs.” Ms. Newkirk told him. “Come on.” And Hotch followed her, heart pounding even more. They reached the top of the stairs and found themselves on a small landing, a doorway where two double doors were to be installed. They stepped through the empty doorway into the Master Suite. It was the skeletal beginnings, but Hotch was… ENTHRALLED. A generous open sitting area was before him, with a fireplace against the wall to his right. Before him was a pair of French doors that led out onto a balcony overlooking the backyard. Two his left was a wall with a large arched opening. There were two stairs up into the comfortable, cozy area where the bed itself was meant to be. As he stood in the arched divider wall, to his left was another doorway that would hold double doors. Beyond them was a fantastic bathroom. 

A large shower that was made of a tile wall up to about his hips, and glass panes from there up to the ceiling. It was in the right corner if you stepped into the bathroom and turned to your right and faced it. Stretching from the shower to the left corner was a large Garden Jacuzzi tub. Hotch turned around and stared at the long counter with two sinks before a large blank wall. Then he walked further into the bathroom. At the far end of the bathroom the straight walls suddenly angled in towards each other. On the right angle was a door leading into a tiny little room where the toilet was. To Hotch, that was a great idea… especially since Reid was shy about his bodily functions. He refused to use the bathroom if Hotch was in there, and when the man was showering, he had to put up with his young lover whining at him to hurry. On the left angled wall was a doorway leading into a large walk in closet. 

Hotch turned and looked at Ms. Newkirk.

“… Can I see the back yard?” He asked, his voice soft. She smiled and nodded. Hotch followed her. They went back to the sitting area and stepped out onto the balcony overlooking the back yard. The yard was large and sprawling. Large trees not only in this yard, but the neighbors’ yards, gave it a sense of privacy. Hotch looked down. A patio was being put in, and was partially finished. It was made of gray flagstone, and a little pond with a waterfall had been installed where it could be seen from the kitchen. A stone fire pit was on the other side of the patio outside of the living room windows. 

Hotch felt a smile come over him… he could see himself, Reid and Jack roasting marshmallows in that fire pit… He could see Jack running through the back yard, playing. The Master suite was… more than perfect. With the two bedrooms downstairs, they had a guest room, and a room for Jack. A small kitchen without unnecessary space (neither he nor Spencer really liked to cook), a spacious living room, and the little den with the bookshelf wall would be perfect for a study. 

And the house itself… the Old English Cottage with an overgrown garden… 

“It’s perfect.” The man breathed.

“Sorry?” Ms. Newkirk asked.

“It’s perfect.” Hotch said firmly, and looked at her. “Everything about it is perfect.” She blinked, surprised, and then absolutely BEAMED at him.

“That’s GREAT!” She exclaimed.

“Let’s do this.” Hotch said, nodding and looking around. Then he looked at her. “I want to get everything done and I want to meet with the contractors. I want to have it completed as soon as possible.” Ms. Newkirk looked delighted.

“Alright then!” She announced. “Let’s get in touch with the seller!”

 

One Week Later

 

Haley Hotchner sat at the table, staring at her ex-husband.

“… A house.” She finally said.

“Yes.” Hotch said. “I just closed on it.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t just kick me out of OUR house and bring him into it.”

“Haley.” Hotch sighed, trying not to roll his eyes. “I gave you the house in the Divorce Settlement because I wanted you and Jack to have that security. I never contested your claim on the house. I’m telling you this because you need to know that my relationship with Spencer is serious, and he’s not going away.” Hotch told her, and then took a deep breath. “If you try to deny me of my rights to see my son, I WILL fight you in court. And if you think you can use my relationship with Spencer against me, I will dig up every piece of dirt on you that I can find. And you know I can dig up ANY thing.”

“Are you threatening me with your Technical Analyst?!”

“If you are threatening me with our son, then yes. I will pull out all the stops, Haley. I will file for FULL custody.”

“You can’t. Not with your job.”

“If you try to deny me my right to see my son, you will have to tell them why. My relationship with Reid will be exposed. He and I will both be fired. And so we will need to get jobs. And that won’t be a problem. Reid still gets job offers at LEAST once a week.” The woman glared. “And I can be a lawyer again. I can be a PI. I can be a consultant on, oh… TV shows and movies. Crime Dramas are popular. I can get a job that will allow me to file for custody.”

Hotch sighed and reached out, taking her hand. She scowled, but didn’t pull away. “Haley. I didn’t do this to hurt you, upset you, insult you or get back at you for any reason. You know that all I’ve ever wanted was for our family to be happy. And I am happy with my job. It, despite what you thought and wanted, IS who I am. And it’s the same for Spencer. If either of us were to leave this job, we would lose a part of ourselves. I didn’t mean for this to happen with Spencer. I never asked for it… I never WANTED it. But it happened. I couldn’t control it, Haley. I… I fell in love.” She pulled her hand away. “You and I… I loved you, once. But… you loved Aaron Hotchner the Attorney. That’s who you wanted, that’s who you married. And then I became AGENT Hotchner. And I wasn’t what you wanted anymore.”

“Why did you do it?” She asked, suddenly. 

“… I was a prosecutor. I was sick of coming in after the fact and walking through the paths of destruction and devastation these people left behind, and then try to scrape up the mess and toss it into the garbage can that was prison. I decided that I wanted to stop them before they ravaged more people’s lives. I could make a difference. A bigger difference. And I am.”

“But WHY?!” Haley cried, frustrated. “We had everything! YOU had everything! You were a respected lawyer! You were on the path to becoming a District Attorney! We were on the way up! My God, you could be making six figures now!”

“Is that all that mattered to you?!” Hotch asked, upset. “How much I was making?! How high on the Social Food Chain I could carry you to!?”

“I wanted a husband who worked a nine to five job and was home for dinner every night!” Haley cried, angry tears filling her eyes. “Who had weekends off so we could go on family trips to the park and the zoo… someone who could be there to teach our child how to ride a bike and help with homework… who would take us on Family Vacations! I wanted a HUSBAND! And instead, I got phone calls telling me you were going across the country for God knows how long!!! I got a man who came and went at all hours! I got a son asking me when Daddy was going to be home, or asking where Daddy was because Daddy was HERE when he went to bed, but WASN’T there the next morning when he had promised to take him to the playground…” Tears were flooding down her face. 

“I got a man who stopped smiling and stopped laughing and stopped being the man I married!!! I got a STRANGER! In my house… in my bed… IF he was there at all. More often than not, I got an empty spot next to me in my bed. I got a man who chose his JOB over his family. Aaron… I wanted what EVERY woman wants. And you wouldn’t give me that.”

“Haley… I’m sorry.” Hotch said softly. “I regret that I let you down, but… I don’t regret my job. I don’t regret staying. And I don’t regret Spencer. He makes me happy. He and I… the job is who we are. And because we know that and understand that about each other, that’s why we work out.”

“I’m sure it also helps that you spend more time with HIM than you did with me once you started there.” Haley spat.

“I’m not apologizing for loving him. Our relationship is serious. And I want to spend the rest of my life with him.” Hotch told her. She turned and stared out the window, trying to stop her tears. 

“And our son?”

“I picked a house where he will have his own room. A back yard to play in… It’s a good neighborhood… lots of kids his age… A wonderful park only a quarter of a mile from the house with a playground, a soccer field, a baseball diamond, a duck pond and lots of walking trails…” Haley watched her ex husband smile. “I want to build a new life there with the one I love. And I want my son to feel at home there. I want to take part in raising him. And it will be so much better if it is in a real house. Haley, please… don’t make me fight you for our son. A legal battle centered around him will only traumatize him.”

“… I know…” Haley whispered. The pair sat there in silence for a long time before she finally said, “Okay.”

“Thank you.”

“But I don’t want Jack around that… that…”

“Haley… is it because he’s male? Or would you act like this if I had a girlfriend?” Hotch asked, genuinely curious. She blinked and stared at him, startled. 

“I wouldn’t want him near a… girlfriend…” She admitted. “But… a BOY friend… I just… Aaron, it’s not NORMAL!” Hotch sighed. “I will try to… accept it.” She finally acquiesced. “But don’t expect me to like it. OR to like HIM.”

“You’ve always liked Spencer!”

“He’s sleeping with my HUSBAND!”

“EX husband.” Hotch corrected, pulling out his phone when it buzzed, and he looked at the text message before looking back up at Haley. “I will say it again. We were divorced for a year before he and I got together. One thing that I can say to you truthfully is that in all the time I was away from you, in all of my travels, I remained faithful to you. Can you tell me the same thing?” Hotch asked her. She turned red and glared. “That’s what I thought.” Hotch finally snorted. “I have to go. I’ll let you know when the house is ready.” And he stood up and left the restaurant, his heart pounding as he thought of the text message from Garcia.

‘Get back here ASAP. Found Dr. Carlson.’


	9. Chapter 9

Hotch burst into the BAU and hurried up to the conference room.

“What did you find?!” Hotch demanded to know.

“Nothing good.” Emily said, looking up. Hotch took in the looks on the faces of his team.

“What is it?”

“He and his family are living in a house on Long Boat Key.” Garcia said softly. “A house that has been on the market since…”

“Since right before Coronado took Reid to Brazil.” Morgan finished.

“… They’re living in that man’s house?” Hotch asked, eyes wide.

“This has something to do with Coronado.” Rossi said, grimly. 

“Garcia, find out what happened to all of Coronado’s property upon his death.” Hotch ordered. Garcia began typing away.

“Um… He didn’t have a Will… everything was turned over to his listed Next of Kin… Someone named Eva Torres.”

“Who the hell is that?” Rossi asked.

“Hang on… Here. I have a picture. A Mug Shot from Mexico.” They watched as an image popped up. A young woman in her late teens, who might have been pretty if she had taken care of herself… But… 

“Wait…” Hotch breathed, and leaned in closer. Then, his eyes widened. “That’s Paloma!” Everyone looked at the picture again, then looked at Hotch. “… I’m going to Long Boat Key. Rossi! With me! Morgan! I want you and Prentiss to start looking into the murder of Dr. Katherine Devereux! Garcia, I want you to run an audit of all of Coronado’s assets. JJ…” She looked up at him. “… I want you to confront Dr. Harris.” She nodded. The team dispersed.

 

Reid sat in his chair by the window, clutching his Bed Time bear, listening to his MP3 Player. Today it was the Soundtrack to ‘Jekyll & Hyde’. His mind, constantly in a fog, was having more trouble every day to keep itself grounded in reality. Even in that moment, as he listened to the first song on the soundtrack, it wasn’t the voice of Henry Jekyll playing over the ear buds… it was the voice of Aaron Hotchner, reaching out to the broken young man who was slowly but surely losing himself in his dreadful prison that told him that he was crazy…

Lost in the Darkness, Silence surrounds you 

Once there was morning, Now endless night

If I could reach you, I’d guide you and teach you

To walk from the darkness, Back into the light

Deep in your silence, Please try to hear me.

I’ll keep you near me, Til night passes by

I will find the answer I’ll never desert you

I promise you this, Til the day that I die

Tears rolled down his face, blurring his vision of brightly colored trees in hues of brilliant yellows, oranges and reds… He wanted to go home… 

‘Ah… but you don’t have a home… you were evicted, remember…?’ A nasty little voice said.

‘No.’ Reid told the voice. ‘My home is with Aaron.’

‘He took you in because you had nowhere else to go, and because he needed to keep an eye on you… make sure you didn’t go crazy after Coronado… so much for THAT.’

‘Stop it.’ Reid whimpered back, bowing his head and hiding his face in his knees and focusing in on the music to drown out the cynical voice.

There are preachers who kill; There are killers who preach

There are teachers who lie; There are liars who teach

Take your pick, dear

‘Cause it’s all a façade.

Reid sighed. How often had he seen things like that? Killer priests… and killers who preached their delusions… teachers lying to cover something up… and liars teaching people to believe in their lies… He didn’t have to take his pick… he saw it all. And suddenly, he hated it… it was all those things that led him to where he was now. The job that he loved so much had been his undoing. This never would have happened if he had just taken one of the numerous job offers by companies from all over the country… 

Tears were absolutely FLOODING down his face now… It just wasn’t fair!!! How could the one thing he had wanted all his life, the CAREER he had DREAMED of, be the thing that hurt him to the point that he was beyond repair?! It just wasn’t fair…

It must be his fate to be miserable… he was doomed to suffering… This life… his happiness with Aaron… he knew it had been too good to be true… it wasn’t in the cards for him to have a lasting happiness. Every time he found some semblance of true contentment in his life, it was snatched away again. And he was sick of it. And again, all he could think about was just… ending it.

Look at me and tell me who I am

Why I am, what I am

Call me a fool and it’s true, I am

I don’t know who I am

It’s such a shame, I’m such a sham

No one knows who I am

Am I the face of future?

Am I the face of the past?

Am I the one who must finish last?

‘Why am I always the one to suffer? Why do all the bad things happen to me?’ Reid found himself thinking. ‘Why did I have to have this life? Why did I have to be… me?’ He sniffled and swiped his fist across his cheek, wiping away tears. Then he stood and began to slowly walk across the room. He was tired.

… Good and Evil, Each man has to choose;

Heaven and Hell is a helluva gamble to lose

But as I peruse this world we abuse,

It’s Hell that we choose and Heaven must lose.

Evil is everywhere, Good doesn’t stand a prayer

Good is commendable, Evil’s dependable

Evil is viable Good’s unreliable

Good may be thankable, Evil is bankable.

Reid snorted softly. Good and Evil. What’s the point? Supposedly, the Good went to Heaven, and the Evil went to Hell. He had devoted his life to Good… and yet here he was, in Hell. He tried to think of what he had done to deserve this… It was enough to drive anyone mad in their frustration. Maybe the lyrics were true… Good doesn’t stand a prayer… He had done so much good, and yet was a victim of evil over and over and over… Karma… what a joke.

You have your work, and nothing more

You are possessed; what is your demon?

You’ve never been this way before

You’ve lost the fire you built your dream 

There’s something strange, there’s something wrong

I see a change, it’s like when hope dies

I who have known you for so long,

I see the pain in your eyes

Now that he thought about it, it was really amazing that more FBI Agents didn’t end up like this, locked up in the loony bin… So many of them had their work, and nothing more… they were obsessed with different demons… eventually, many lost that fire they had built their dream on…

‘Like me…’ Reid thought to himself. He curled up on his bed, leaning against the corner, and his mind spun dizzying circles of depression around him. It was quite a while later that a strong female voice over the headphones burst into song and brought him back to himself.

There’s a beast at the door and he’s wild and free 

but we don’t let him in ‘cause we don’t want to see 

What is lurking right behind the façade.

Man is not one but two, he is evil and good 

and he walks the fine line that he’d cross if he could.

But he’s just waiting…

And Reid began to wonder… was there a beast lurking behind the doors of his mind? Was it wild and trying to get free? He always thought of himself as good, but was this beast his evil? Was everything, his shy demeanor, his desire to help and see justice done, all just a façade? Was he literally walking a fine line he didn’t even know was there? Was that beast waiting for him to cross that line? Was he going to snap and obliterate that line? 

Is THAT what the doctors were seeing in him?

Was there a monster inside of him trying to get free? Was it possible that he was on his way to becoming like the UnSubs he had once hunted? He began to shake, and his tears returned. And he could only think one thing… 

When will this end…?

 

JJ sat before Dr. Harris’ desk, staring at the man who sat behind it.

“What can I do for you, Agent Jareau?” Dr. Harris asked. She stared at him, then opened a folder and laid it down on the desk. Dr. Harris looked down at the photograph, and froze. His eyes widened, and he paled.

“… Tell me everything.” JJ said.

“… How… How did…?” Dr. Harris stammered.

“You’ve read Reid’s file. You know what happened to him in South America.” She told him, and he nodded. “THAT…” She spat, glaring at the photo, “Is Paloma.”

“… Oh… Oh my God…” The man gasped. “Oh my GOD!!!”

“She’s the reason he’s here, isn’t she?” JJ asked.

“She… she and a man were in my living room when I came home one night. She said she had a proposition for me. She said that there was a young man in the hospital, and she wanted him kept there. She offered me a lot of money… I told her no… That would be malpractice… wrongful imprisonment, maybe… We argued. She kept offering me more and more. And when I still refused, she made a threat. She would go after my family. My ex wife and my daughters… she would kill them… And so I agreed. She told me not to worry… I was her back up. Then she went to see Katherine… And she was dead the next morning. My guess is that Katherine refused her. Katherine was going to release Agent Reid with a clean bill of health.” JJ nodded. “Please, Agent Jareau. If this… Paloma finds out I talked to you…”

“Don’t worry.” JJ said. “We’ll protect you, and your family. I need to call my Unit Chief.” And she pulled out her cell.

“Fine. Do that.” The man said. “But I can’t release your Agent Reid until you’ve caught her.”

“But he—“

“NOT!!! Until you CATCH her. And that’s final.” Dr. Harris said firmly.

 

Hotch closed his phone as they pulled into the driveway of the Beach house of Jeff Winters.

“That was JJ.” Hotch said, looking at Rossi. “Harris talked. Paloma threatened his family if he didn’t keep Reid committed.” They got out of the car and went up to the door. As Hotch raised his hand to knock, the door suddenly slammed open and he stumbled back at the sudden impact against him.

“HRMMPH?!” Hotch exclaimed as he found soft, sweet tasting lips covering his own and a scantily clad female body pressed up against him.

“Mmmmm…” She purred, and then stepped back, grinning at the shell shocked look on the man’s face. “That’s for the ‘A’ I got on my psych term paper after interviewing your team.” The red head said.

“Courtney!” A male voice scolded from the doorway. Jeff Winters stood there, trying not to laugh. “What have I told you about molesting Agent Hotchner?!”

“That wasn’t molestation.” The girl snorted, then grinned. “THIS is.” And she grabbed the man’s crotch. The Unit Chief’s eyes widened as the girl grinned, looking down at the handful of his trousers. “Now that’s what I’m talking about…”

“COURTNEY!” Winters howled.

“I think Agent Hotchner will need a Scotch when she’s finished with him.” Rossi said calmly.

“Very funny, Dave.” Hotch growled, finally managing to get Courtney to release the Family Jewels. He walked up to Winters, and the men shook hands.

“What can I do for you?” Winters asked.

“Can we go inside?” Hotch asked.

“Of course.” Winters said. They all headed in and went to Winters’ study. The man sent Courtney to get them something to drink. “What can I do for you?”

“You brought Coronado’s slaves to the States.” Hotch started.

“Yes.” Winters said, grinning. “I wanted to help them have the lives they wanted.”

“How did that go?” Rossi asked.

“Wonderful! Preciosa, or Miranda Rios, is in Culinary School. Sirena, or Isabella Mondragon is picking up on English very quickly, and is working on her certification to be a Massage Therapist. Aguilo, or Armando Cortez, has gotten a job working as a model.”

“And the other two?” Rossi asked. Winters sighed.

“Well… Jaguar, or Mateo Santa Lucia… he uh… he left with Paloma… er, Eva—“

“Eva Torres.” Hotch growled.

“Yeah.” Winters said, looking surprised.

“You said they left?” Rossi asked.

“Yeah. After two weeks of staying with me.” Winters said, then frowned. “… Why?”

“… Paloma has been threatening and bribing doctors.” Hotch said. “Reid has been institutionalized on a false diagnosis. And we have evidence that she is behind it.”

“My God…” Winters breathed. “I… wish I could say that I was surprised… I… I think you should talk to the others. Hold on.” And he poked his head out of the door. “ISABELLA!!! ARMANDO!!! MIRANDA!!!

“Que quieres, senor?” A female voice called back.

“Ven aqui, por favor!” Winters called back.

“Perro—“

“Muy importante, Preciosa. Rapido!”

A moment later, Preciosa walked in. She froze, eyes wide.

“… You are the men who took Cachorro.” She said. Hotch and Rossi stared at her. A moment later, Aguilo and Sirena walked in. They stared, too.

“Ladies.” Rossi said, standing from his seat with a smile and offering the seat. Hotch stood and did the same.

“Thank you.” Sirena said softly, smiling and taking Hotch’s seat. After a moment, Preciosa sat in Rossi’s seat.

“What is this about?” Preciosa asked.

“It’s about Mateo and Eva.” Winters said.

“Jaguar y Paloma?” Aguilo asked, immediately.

“Are they okay?!” Preciosa demanded to know.

“Jaguar and Paloma have been bribing and threatening people.” Winters said. “To get revenge on Cachorro for killing Artuto.” The three former slaves stared. 

“One of the people they threatened and paid off is now living in your Master’s house here on the island.” Rossi said.

“… I… I didn’t think she’d go through with it…” Winters said softly.

“I did.” The three slaves chorused. Hotch looked at them.

“Spencer is locked up in a mental institution, being told every day that he’s crazy.” The Unit Chief told them. Preciosa translated to Sirena, as the girl didn’t know enough English to follow the conversation thoroughly. “He won’t eat. He won’t speak. And now, he refuses to see visitors. He’s severely depressed and suicidal. He’s been there for nearly three weeks.” Hotch sighed. “And his sanity is slipping away. Now… your master kidnapped him. He beat him, starved him, raped him and tortured him, physically and psychologically. And when I came to help him, your master tried to kill me. He was GOING to kill me. Spencer stabbed him to stop him from killing me. And then he killed him because if he didn’t, your master would have killed us both. Spencer killed your master to defend me, and himself.”

“Is he okay?” Sirena suddenly asked.

“No. If he stays in that place, he’s going to die.” Hotch said softly. Sirena looked at the others, then looked back at Hotch.

“… All Paloma talked about was… getting back at Cachorro. Making him… hurt. Suffer.” Sirena said. “She was… Um…” She looked at Preciosa for help.

“Obsessed.” Aguilo said. 

“She wanted us to come with her. Said that we owed it to Master.” Preciosa said, shaking her head.

“We told her that we are now free.” Aguilo said. “When Master died, Master Winters was there to claim us. We belonged to him. But he has freed us.”

“We are free.” Preciosa said with a smile. “We owe Master NOTHING.”

“Jaguar… went with her.” Sirena said.

“He was with Master almost as long as Paloma.” Preciosa explained. “His loyalty ran deeper than ours did.”

“Jaguar…” Sirena said slowly, thinking of how to put this into English. She rubbed a hand on her chest over her heart. “He is… good… uh… c-corazon.”

“Heart.” Preciosa told her. “Corazon is heart.”

“Jaguar has good heart.” Sirena said. “He will… not be happy…?”

“What do you mean?” Rossi asked the girl, gently.

“Jaguar is a good man.” Aguilo said. “If Paloma is hurting someone, he will not be happy about it. And the more she hurts people, the more his loyalty for her will… fail.”

“Paloma is the dominant.” Hotch murmured. He looked at Rossi. “Jaguar will be the easy one to catch. And we can probably get him to turn on her if we do catch him.”

“Do not hurt him!” Preciosa cried, upset. “Please…”

“We won’t.” Rossi told her.

“… Let’s go talk to Dr. Carlson.” Hotch said, and looked at the three former slaves. “Thank you for talking to us. I know you probably don’t like us much…”

Sirena just gave them a smile.

“We’ll be back soon, Jeff.” Hotch said to Winters, and the man nodded, watching the Agents walk out the door. Then he opened his arms and allowed Preciosa and Sirena


	10. Chapter 10

Haley pulled the casserole dish out of the oven, the delicious smell of Betty Crocker’s Scalloped Potatoes filling the kitchen. She set it aside to cool and went to the stove, taking out some plates and spooning the Hamburger Helper onto them. Then she put a spoon full of peas on each plate from the sauce pan. And then she spooned up the Scalloped Potatoes. She walked over to the table.

“Okay. Coloring book away.” Jack smiled and did as he was told. “Wash your hands while I get your milk.” Haley told him.

“Okay, Mommy.” Jack said, and scurried to the sink, pulling out his little step stool. When he returned, they sat down and put their hands together and said grace, and then began to eat. 

“Jack?” Haley asked.

“Ya?” Jack asked around a fork-full of Hamburger Helper.

“What do you think about Daddy moving to a great big house in a nice neighborhood with kids and a park and a big back yard?”

“Okay.” Jack said with a shrug. “Daddy’s ‘parment is BORING.”

“What if… Dr. Reid lived with Daddy?” She watched as Jack smiled. “You like Dr. Reid?”

“Weed is FUN!” Jack announced. “He makes Daddy happy.”

“He does?”

“He makes Daddy smile.” Jack said. 

“Does Daddy smile when Dr. Reid isn’t there?”

“A little. But not as much.” Jack told her. “Daddy makes Weed happy, too.” Haley nodded.

“You like Dr. Reid, don’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“Jack… would you like it if Dr. Reid moved into that big house with Daddy?”

“… Yeah.” Jack said with a shrug, and then smiled. “Then I can see him every time I see Daddy.”

“Yeah. I guess you could.” Haley sighed. “Jack… would you like it if… Dr. Reid became a family member?”

“What do you mean, Mommy?” Jack asked, curiously.

“Well… like when you and me and Daddy lived together.”

“Weed will be the mommy?”

Haley’s gut twisted at that. “More like… Uncle, I think…”

“Like Aunt Jess?”

“Yeah. Like Aunt Jess.”

“I want Weed to be family.” Jack said, smiling. “Can he?”

“… I think Daddy has every intention of making Reid part of his… family.” Haley said.

“Good. Then Daddy will be happy. Mommy?”

“Yes, honey?”

“Are you happy?”

“… I don’t know Jack. I… I guess I don’t want Dr. Reid to be part of the family.”

“Why not, Mommy?”

“Because… I wanted to be happy with Daddy.”

“Daddy told me that people change when they grow up. And sometimes when one goes one way, one goes another. And two people who were happy together can’t be anymore.” Haley stared at her son, surprised at how mature his words sounded for such a little boy. “Daddy said that he changed. And he didn’t make you happy anymore. And if he tried to make you happy, HE won’t be happy. And that he wants all of us to be happy. And that’s why he doesn’t live with us anymore. He said this way, we can all be happy.” 

Haley sighed.

“Yeah… I guess we can all try to be happy.” Haley said softly.

“Everything is okay, Mommy.” Jack said, and shoved scalloped potatoes into his mouth. Haley gave him a brave smile, and picked at her own food as she struggled to try and accept the fact that Dr. Reid was going to be a part of the family whether she liked it or not… And she did know that the shy young man was a kind and gentle soul… And if what Aaron had said was true, and they truly were in love, who was she to try and damage that? After all, Hotch was right. It had been SHE who had filed for divorce, and asked Aaron to sign the papers uncontested… who was she to be upset about the fact that the man had found love with another after she had divorced him?

She sighed.

 

Hotch and Rossi walked up to the door of the beach front property, and knocked. After a few moments, an older woman opened the door.

“Can I help you gentlemen?” She asked.

“We’re here to see Dr. Roger Carlson.” Hotch said. She blinked, looking surprised and worried.

“I’m sorry, you must have the wrong house.” She said, forcing a smile. Hotch and Rossi pulled out their badges. Her smile vanished. “… Oh.” Now she looked worried.

“We know he’s here.” Hotch growled. “I need to see him. NOW.” She slowly stepped back and opened the door, allowing the men in. 

“Roger?!” She called.

“Coming!” The familiar voice answered, and a moment later the man walked into the foyer. He froze. His eyes widened and he paled. 

“… Agent Hotchner. Agent Rossi.” He gasped.

“You know why we’re here.” Rossi said, staring at the man, who seemed to cower under the glare of Agent Hotchner.

“… Come in.” The man said softly. Soon, they were all sitting in the living room, large picture windows allowing them to look out over the beach.

“You’re here about Dr. Reid.” The man said, softly. His wife sat next to him, and they held hands. “Look… I… I’m sorry. But he needs help. I had to do it. He needs ‘round the clock care and—“

“We know your diagnosis was false.” Hotch growled. “You had him COMMITTED!!!”

“Agent Reid is sick, Agent Hotchner, he—“

“We know about the woman who threatened you.” Rossi interrupted. Dr. Carlson went silent. “We know she paid you off, gave you this house, and then threatened your family.”

“… Oh.” The man gasped.

“Do you know who she is?” Hotch demanded.

“No. No, she never told me her name, she—“

“Paloma.” Hotch snapped. Carlson blinked, and then a look of horror crossed his face. 

“Oh… Oh my God! She… Oh God…”

“She’s seeking vengeance for Coronado’s death.” Rossi said.

“Let me tell you how Dr. Reid is doing now…” Hotch growled, glaring at Dr. Carlson. “He won’t eat. He won’t speak. My last update said he won’t even get out of bed. He is SUICIDAL! He’s even refusing all visitors. He is SLOWLY DYING.”

“You know Dr. Devereux, right?” Rossi asked.

“Katherine. Of course!” Dr. Carlson croaked.

“She was going to release Agent Reid.” Rossi said. “She was found tortured and murdered in her home.”

“God… My God…” Carlson gasped, shaking his head.

“You have to come get Reid out.” Hotch said.

“No… no, I… I can’t… I won’t!” Carlson cried, eyes wide in terror. “If I do, she’ll kill my grandchildren!”

“Dr. Carlson, you—“

“NO!” The man shouted, standing. “You catch her. You catch her and lock her up! Until then, I will NOT risk my family! I WON’T!!!”

“If you don’t come back to clear this up, he may die!” Hotch shouted.

“If I do, my family may die! No, Agent Hotchner. I’m sorry. But if you want my help, you will get her in custody.”

 

Reid lay curled up in bed, ignoring the attempts of all the doctors, orderlies and nurses to coax him out of bed. This time, a mix was playing on his MP3 of angsty songs, like Linkin Park’s ‘Numb’ and ‘Pain’ by Three Day’s Grace. Reid sighed softly, then whimpered as he was forcefully dragged from his bed. Still clutching his Bedtime Bear, he staggered down the corridor, eyes closed, trusting in the hands on his arms to guide him. 

He ended up in the infirmary, lying in a bed with restraints on his wrists as an IV was slid into his vein and his body was pumped full of fluid and nutrients. He just turned his head and stared out the window. He ignored Dr. Harris trying to get him to talk. His mind was quiet and blank. There was nothing but melancholy and infinite sadness. Reid blinked. That sounded familiar… where had he heard that combination of words before? … Oh well… not like it mattered. Nothing mattered any more… The only thing left for him was death.

‘To die shall be a great adventure…’

Die, and be free…

Reid longed for this freedom. 

He longed to throw open the window and open newly discovered wings that could carry him far, far away from this soul-killing place.

When a nurse came to check on him, he was writhing and struggling against his restraints, tears flooding down his cheeks. She summoned Dr. Harris, but Reid wouldn’t respond to the man… 

Eventually, Reid got tired and fell limp. He went back to staring out the window, the occasional tear trailing down his gaunt cheek. He didn’t move when the IV was finally removed, and didn’t resist when he was guided to the day room. There, he curled up in his chair and stared out the window, putting his ear buds in and glancing down at his MP3 and scrolling through his music, looking for something to suit his mood…

But he couldn’t find anything… he had nothing to reflect the turmoil within him. He felt dead and empty, and yet at the same time, the most intense feelings of agony, despair, loneliness and helplessness… complete and utter surrender to his incarceration. An overwhelming desire to die, and the horrible wish that he had never been born…

He began rocking himself, and gasping for breath as the emotional pain became physical. The tears were falling yet again and he dug his fingernails into his biceps. Slowly, his grip tightened more and more, and his nails dug into his skin. And then, they began to tear gouges in his arms as Reid began to hyperventilate.

Once again, staff members came out of the woodwork running over to him. His hands were dragged away from him and the blood ran down his arms. And only fifteen minutes after leaving the infirmary for his daily dose of fluids, Reid was back. He was once again restrained and sedated while his bloody arms were tended to.

And that was when Dr. Harris made a decision… he had to spare this young man as much pain as possible. So he changed his meds. He halved his dose of depressants, and increased the dose of his mild sedative. Now the boy would spend the majority of his time sleeping. Hopefully, that would spare him some of his suffering…

 

“… Dr. Carlson said the same thing, JJ.” Hotch sighed, when JJ called him, irate that Dr. Harris refused to do anything to help them get Reid out of Willow Ridge. “He’s refusing to do anything until Paloma has been caught. She’s got these men terrified. We’re going back to talk to the others.” And Hotch hung up. They walked back up to Winters’ front door, which was thrown open again.

“Oh no you don’t!” Hotch yelped, catching Courtney as she flew forwards to pounce, kiss and grope him again. “Back inside with you. NOW.” And he shoved the giggling girl back into the house. He and Rossi went back to Winters’ study. The man was still there with Aguilo, Preciosa and Sirena.

“What did he say?” Sirena asked immediately, standing.

“He won’t do a thin to help us until we catch Paloma.” Rossi said.

“… We need your help.” Hotch said, staring at the slaves. Preciosa stared at them, then lowered her eyes. 

“I… have class.” She mumbled, looking frightened and guilty. Sirena looked at her, then looked at the agents.

“I will help you.” She said. “I just started my classes. I can withdraw and postpone.”

“… I can help too.” Aguilo said. “Jaguar es mi hermano. He is like my brother… I need to be there for him.”

“… Preciosa?” Winters asked. “Are you sure?” The woman looked up, fear in her eyes.

“… I cannot betray Paloma… She… she will kill me…” Preciosa gasped. “I have known her longer than any of you… I know what she is capable of… And I do not wish to be the one to anger her… she… she is insane…” Hotch and Rossi stared at her. There was no mistaking her genuine terror. “No… I will not help you.” And she stood and fled from the room.

Sirena stared after her, then sighed and drooped. Aguilo put a hand on her shoulder. Sirena gave him a grateful smile.

“We would… appreciate any help you can give.” Rossi said to the two former slaves.

“I’m coming, too.” Winters said. 

And within two hours, Hotch and Rossi were on the plane back to Quantico with Winters, Sirena and Aguilo.

 

When Reid awoke from his drug induced sleep, he found himself in a room with padded walls. It was completely empty save for his Bedtime Bear. They had even taken his MP3 player. Reid looked down at his bandaged arms, and then at his fingers; his nails had been cut to the quick. The young man sighed; he grabbed his Bedtime Bear and curled up on the floor in the corner in the fetal position, and began to rock himself. After a few minutes, he began to quietly hum the theme to ‘Braveheart’ to himself. And he did this until he drifted off to sleep.

He woke when Riley entered his new cell and walked over.

“Spencer.” The man said gently, kneeling a placing a bowl of soup with crackers down before him. “If you want to go back to your room, you need to eat.” Reid just gave the man a sad look, then turned away and rested his head on the padded wall. 

“Spencer, you can’t keep hurting yourself.” Riley told him. “You know that Agent Hotchner receives daily reports, don’t you?” Reid didn’t respond. “You know that every day you refuse to eat, you’re upsetting him…” This time, Reid gave the man a sharp glare. “I can tell you’re close to him.” Reid’s eyes narrowed. “You would eat for him.” Reid’s eyes flashed, and for a moment he looked as though he might lash out at Riley, but he quickly deflated and was overcome by his despair again.

“Spencer, you can’t live on the IV alone for long. Do you want us to implement a feeding tube?”

Reid whimpered and shook his head, burying his face into Bedtime Bear. Riley sighed, reaching out and laying a hand on the broken young man’s back. But Reid let out a frightened cry and threw himself away from the touch, scrambling into another corner.

“Alright… I’m leaving. But if you don’t eat that soup, we will have to consider a feeding tube…” Riley told him, and left. Reid just sat in the corner and cried. Slowly, his soft cries became harsh, violent sobs… he clawed at his own chest, as if trying to pry out the pain in his heart. Suddenly, he leapt to his feet and ran at the door, slamming his shoulder into it. He yelped at the impact, but he didn’t give up. His mind and emotions were more turbulent than they had ever been. He would have been at his breaking point if he hadn’t already broken. But nothing mattered in that moment except for getting out of that place. 

All he wanted was to go home. Go back to his loft apartment… never mind the fact that he had been evicted. He would get out of that room, and run out the front doors. He would make his way back to Quantico and return to his loft. And he would open the door and everything would be the way they used to be. His cats would run to greet him. He would take off his coat and place his messenger bag on the floor. Then he would feed his fish and take a shower. Then he would make coffee, start a fire in the fireplace and curl up to read. Then Hotch would come home. The man would shower, and then join the boy on the sofa. And he would hold him and love him and then he would kiss him and they would make love and fall asleep in each other’s arms. They would wake in the morning and go to work.

Yes… If only he could get back to his loft, everything would be okay! Everything would be back to normal. 

Reid slammed himself into the door over and over and over again, not even noticing the throbbing pain that pulsed through his shoulder. He didn’t stop until he stumbled and fell to his knees in exhaustion. He sat there for a moment, then began to giggle, breathlessly. His giggles progressed to hysterical laughter… 

Mad laughter.

He laughed for what seemed like an eternity, his laughter eventually weakening as he fought to breathe… for a moment, all was silent. And then he fisted his hands in his hair, lifted his head, stared at the ceiling and screamed. It was a long, single piercing note that carried out of his room and down the corridors.

As his scream died away, Spencer Reid slumped to the floor, limp. His eyes went completely blank. He didn’t move.

Only minutes later, the door slammed open and people ran in. He was rolled onto his back. People called out to him. They shook him… called his name… a hand slapped him across the face. Cold water was splashed over his head. But he gave no indication that any of it had been noticed.

He was moved back to the infirmary. They gave him his Bedtime Bear… they gave him his MP3 player. They took the photos from his room and showed them to him. But there was no response.

The lights were on, but there was nobody home…

 

Hotch and Rossi were walking into the bullpen when Hotch got the call. While Rossi introduced JJ and Garcia to Winters, Aguilo and Sirena, Hotch took the call.

It was Aguilo who saw the look of horror wash over the man, and watched as he slowly dropped into Agent Anderson’s chair, letting his face fall into his hand.

“Senor Hotchner?” Aguilo called, and walked over. The team looked over and quickly followed.

“… That was Dr. Harris.” Hotch breathed.

“Did something happen to Spence?!” JJ gasped, now looking terrified.

“… He’s fallen into a catatonic state.” Hotch whispered, slowly putting down his phone. “He hurt himself this morning. They put him into a… an isolated cell with padded walls… they brought him lunch, told him if he wouldn’t eat they would have to force a feeding tube on him. He… cried for a long time, then started throwing himself against the door, trying to break it down… he collapsed and started laughing… and then he screamed and… and just… collapsed. Now he doesn’t respond to anything. He’s just lying there, staring off into space. They’re putting in a feeding tube in the morning if he… doesn’t snap out of it.”

By the time Hotch finished JJ, Garcia and Sirena (Aguilo had been translating) were all in tears. 

“Hotch… we gotta do something, man!” Morgan cried, upset.

“We are.” Hotch growled, standing. His mask fell neatly into place. “JJ, call Florida. I want Dr. Carlson arrested and expedited YESTERDAY. Garcia, I want you to work with Jeff, Isabella and Armando. They know Paloma and Jaguar best, try to find them.”

“Yessir!” Garcia nodded, and herded the three people into her Cyber Cave.

“You three, with me.” Hotch said looking at Prentiss, Morgan and Rossi. “Morgan, you and I are closest to Reid, we’re going to try and get him to snap out of it.”

“And us?” Prentiss asked.

“… Read Dr. Harris his rights.”

“Charges?” Rossi asked.

“False Imprisonment, Cruel and Unusual Punishment, hell, he knows the diagnosis is false, Criminal Malpractice, accepting a bribe, Kidnapping, WHATEVER you can think of.” Hotch growled as they rode the elevator down to the cars. “Then grill him. I want Paloma.”

 

The woman sat on the side of the bed, a book balanced in the crook of one arm while her hand gently stroked the unruly dark hair of the little boy in the bed. “Fine. One more about Reynard the Fox. One day, Reynard the fox thought it would be fun to play a joke on his friend, the stork. So he invited his friend to dinner. When the stork got there, the fox presented a delicious stew he had made. He poured it into a wide, shallow dish and set it on the table. ‘Eat, my friend’ he said. But because the dish was so flat and shallow, with his long beak, the stork couldn’t eat it. Smug at his joke, the fox lapped up the delicious stew from the shallow dish, while the stork hardly got any, and the stork left even more hungry than when he had arrived. A few nights later, the stork decided to get back at the fox, so he invited him over for dinner. He served a delicious stew of his own in a large jar with a narrow mouth. ‘Eat, my friend’, the stork said, but the fox couldn’t even get his nose into the jar. But the stork easily dipped his bill into the jar and ate all of the delicious soup. All the fox got were a few drops that spilled over the side, and the fox left even hungrier then when he had arrived. And he had also learned his lesson…” Spencer smiled, looking at the illustration of the fox and the stork.

“And yet he keeps doing things like that.” The boy pointed out.

“One can only hope that one day the fox runs out of lessons to learn.” Diana Reid said, closing the blue book and lovingly running her hands over the cover, staring at the words, ‘Stories That Never Grow Old’. It had been hers when she was a little girl and she had loved it. Her young son loved it too. She turned and leaned over, pressing a gentle kiss to the little boy’s head. Spencer smiled up at her and she smiled back at the sight of the gap in his teeth. One of the teeth was currently under his pillow.

“Mom?”

“What is it, baby?”

“One more story?”

“… which one do you want?” Diana asked.

“… Guess.” Spencer challenged with a grin.

“… Ummm… Either ‘The Boy And the North Wind’ or ‘Shingebiss the Duck’.”

“Shingebiss!” Spencer cheered. Diana laughed and sat down on his bed again, opening the book.

“… Once upon a time, a little duck named Shingebiss lived in a lodge by the lake…” Diana began.

Spencer Reid lay there in his bed in the Willow Ridge infirmary, staring up at an empty place on his bedside, where his mother sat reading to him…


	11. Chapter 11

Dr. Harris looked up when the door to his office slammed open and three Alpha Male FBI Agents stormed in, eyes burning in righteous fury. They were followed by an equally frightening Alpha Female.

“Dr. Ronald Harris, you are under arrest.” Hotch growled as Rossi moved behind the desk, grabbing the man’s hands and wrenching them behind his back. Then Rossi took one arm, and Prentiss the other.

“W-What?!” Harris gasped. “On what charges?!”

“Conspiracy to Commit Unlawful Imprisonment, Cruel and Unusual Punishment, Criminal Malpractice, and Kidnapping and Assault of a Federal Agent if I can get it. And I am THIS close to Prosecuting you myself.” Hotch snarled.

“You can’t!” Harris said. “If she finds out, she’ll kill my family! She killed Katherine! I know it!”

“So do we.” Morgan said, glaring at the man. “But you’re all but killing Reid.”

“Where is he?!” Hotch demanded.

“Infirmary!” Harris yelped as Rossi dragged him out of the room.

Hotch and Morgan turned and ran for the infirmary. When they got there they found Reid lying silently on the bed. There were no restraints this time… they weren’t needed. His arms were bandaged and he was still wearing the splint around his fractured wrist. He just lay there, staring off into space.

“… Spencer?” Hotch called gently. “Baby?” Reid didn’t respond. Hotch reached out and lay his palm on the boy’s cheek. Reid didn’t even blink. “Spencer?” Hotch gasped, eyes widening.

“Hey kid…” Morgan called, moving to the other side of the bed. He stared down at the glassy eyes and reached out a hand, slowly passing it up and down before Reid’s face. There was no response. Reid didn’t move. Didn’t blink. The only thing that happened was the natural widening of the pupils when Morgan’s hand blocked the light from the window, and then contraction when it moved away to allow the light to reach Reid’s eyes again. 

Morgan frowned, worried, and took Reid’s wrist. He lifted the boy’s arm, staring at his limp hand, and then let go. Reid’s arm plopped down on the bed. Morgan and Hotch looked at each other, concern in their eyes.

“Spencer…” Hotch gasped, gathering his lover in his arms and cradling him close to his chest. “Spencer, please… look at me!” But Reid’s body remained limp. It was as though he were in a waking coma… “Please, baby… please don’t do this…” Hotch gasped, hands shaking. He bowed his head and hid his face in his lover’s limp hair.

Rossi walked in a moment later and took in the depressing scene before him. Morgan looked up at the man and gave him a small shake of the head.

Rossi sighed.

 

When Dr. Carlson got off of the plane, he was met by Agents Morgan and Prentiss. He glared at them.

“You’re going to get my family killed.” He told them, angrily.

“And YOU are going to get Agent Reid killed.” Morgan snarled. “Let’s go.”

And the next thing Dr. Carlson knew, he was being marched into the BAU’s interrogation room. And there was already a man in there. He was shoved into a chair across from the man. And then Aaron Hotchner and David Rossi came in, and each stood at one end of the table. Morgan stood by the door, arms folded over his chest.

“Dr. Carlson.” Hotch growled. “Dr. Harris. You are both going to tell me everything you can about the woman known as Paloma.” And he dropped a photograph down. The two men glanced at it, then both winced and turned away. “Your families have protective details.” Hotch informed them. “She won’t hurt them. But I can’t keep the protective details there for long. It’s in everyone’s best interest if she is arrested. And we can’t arrest her if we can’t find her. And we can’t find her without your help.”

When the men still remained silent, Rossi decided to try his hand.

“Look… you co-operate, and you can claim you were acting under duress. You keep quiet like you are right now, and we will see to it that you are charged as accomplices. You’ll go to JAIL.”

“My God… I… Can’t go to jail!” Dr. Carlson cried. “Look at me! I’m old! I’ll DIE in there!”

“And I’ll see that you do if Agent Reid dies in Willow Ridge.” Hotch snarled. 

“And Dr. Harris…” Rossi continued, “keep in mind… the reason you’re in this mess is because Dr. Carlson kept his mouth shut and never told us what was going on. When Paloma loses you, she’ll threaten another person and THEIR family… Do you want to be responsible for that just because you wouldn’t talk?”

Dr. Harris and Dr. Carlson stared at each other for a moment, and then both looked down at the table.

“She comes to me.” Dr. Harris finally said, softly. “I get home, and she’s there. With the man. I never know when… but… seems to be about once a week.”

“… I only met her the one time.” Dr. Carlson whispered. “The man held a knife to my throat and she asked me what Agent Reid feared more than anything. When I refused to talk to her, the man threatened to cut off one of my fingers. So I told her. And that’s when she told me to have him institutionalized. If I didn’t, she would kill my family. If I did, she would pay me well. And she did. One hundred thousand dollars, and the house in Florida. She offered me a house in Europe if I wanted it… In fact… she really pushed it…”

“She wanted you out of the country so we couldn’t find you…” Rossi sighed.

“… Put my home under surveillance.” Dr. Harris gasped. “She’ll be coming back soon…”

Hotch looked up at Rossi and Morgan. Rossi nodded, and after a moment, so did Morgan.

“Alright.” Hotch said, and within an hour, work began to set a trap for Paloma…

 

Hotch walked into the infirmary and walked over to his lover. He sighed and sat down beside the bed, taking the boy’s hand.

“Spencer… this is going to end.” He said softly. “We’re getting you out of here. We have proof now that you’re not schizophrenic… it was Paloma, Spencer. She bribed, threatened and blackmailed Dr. Carlson into having you committed… She killed Dr. Devereux when she refused to co-operate. And then she bribed, threatened and blackmailed Dr. Harris into keeping you here. The medications you’ve been taking are light sedatives and depressants… But you aren’t going to take them any more… I promise.” Hotch told his lover. He sighed and stroked the boy’s cheek. “Just hold on… I’m going to take you home. Soon. Okay, Spencer?” 

No response. 

Hotch sighed sadly, standing and leaning over gently kissing the boy’s forehead. “Just… come back to me…”

 

Hotch would have sat with Reid all day and all night if he could… but his first priority had to be catching Paloma. And so two nights later, when a voice crackled over the radio saying “the bird is approaching the nest”, he was right there in Dr. Harris’ home, watching the man pace, anxiously.

“Go make yourself some dinner.” Hotch told him. “Act natural.” The man nodded and walked into his kitchen, seizing a frozen dinner from the freezer and shoving it into the microwave. Then he stood there and watched the timer count down.

“The bird has reached the nest.” Came the warning. 

“Is the cat with her?” Rossi asked.

“Affirmitive.” There was a long pause.

“They’re in.” The voice on the radio said.

“Understood.” Hotch murmured. Then, he saw her. And his blood boiled. She stood there in the kitchen like she owned it.

“How is he doing?” She asked, and Dr. Harris tensed, turning. He glared art her.

“How do you THINK he’s doing?!” The man snapped. Paloma’s eyes flashed. Dr. Harris flinched and lowered his head. “… He’s catatonic.”

“He’s… what?” Paloma asked, caught off guard. “What is… cat… cata-tonic?” she looked at Jaguar, and the man shrugged, saying “No se.”

“It’s the mind’s defense mechanism.” Dr. Harris explained. “When the situation someone is in becomes TOO MUCH for them to handle… they retreat into their mind and return to a time and a place when they were safe.” Paloma blinked, and Dr. Harris sighed. “Do you know what a coma is?”

“Yes.”

“It’s like a coma, only the person is awake. The lights are on, but there’s no one home. The body is awake, but the mind has hidden itself away. He could be like this for the rest of his life.”

“If it is a comfort to him, then wake him up.” Paloma snapped.

“… I can’t.” Dr. Harris said. She frowned. “Once someone enters this state, they don’t come out of it until they perceive that they are safe again, or if some other powerful stressor pulls them from it. If they ever wake up at all, that is. If they don’t feel there is a way out, they can surrender their will to live. And if he does that, nothing can wake him, nothing can save him. He will fade away. He will die. And there’s nothing I can do to stop it.”

Paloma frowned and crossed her arms, thinking.

“You can’t do anything more to him.” Dr. Harris continued. “In his mind, it couldn’t possibly get any worse.”

“It can ALWAYS get worse.” Paloma snarled. “I will contact you later with further instructions.” And she turned and headed for the door.

“Ready…” Hotch hissed into his radio. 

“She’s out.” Called the surveillance van.

“GO!” Hotch ordered.

“FBI!!! DON’T MOVE!!!” He heard Morgan’s voice boom, and Paloma let out a startled shriek. Hotch ran out the front door, Dr. Harris on his heels. Paloma immediately glared at Harris. 

“Your family is dead, Harris…” She snarled.

“I don’t think so.” Morgan growled. “We have them in protective custody.” Paloma sent a look of loathing at Morgan, but then leapt forward. Her body twisted gracefully as she leapt into the air, snaking her leg up and curling it around the back of Morgan’s neck. Morgan’s eyes widened briefly, before her leg snapped down and sent him crashing to the ground, head bouncing off of the concrete of the front walk. As she did this, Jaguar took out three SWAT Agents with a spinning heel kick, then whirled and jabbed Rossi in the throat. The man fell to his knees, gagging.

A gunshot cracked through the air, and then all was chaos. Hotch leapt into the fray, determined to take the woman down. But within seconds, he felt a horrible impact to his stomach, and then the side of the head. He crashed to the ground and everything went black.

When he woke, there was still chaos around him. He only could have been out for a minute or two… Slowly, he sat up. Jaguar was on the ground being handcuffed by Prentiss… but Paloma was nowhere in sight… 

“Don’t move, sir.” A SWAT Agent told him. “Ambulance is on the way.” Hotch turned. Rossi was lying out on his back with a SWAT Agent hovering over him, keeping his head back and throat open to breathe. Rossi was pale and sweating, and his throat was already bruising. Another two Agents were hovering over Morgan, who was still lying on the ground where he had fallen, blood under his head.

“Paloma…” Hotch groaned through his own pounding head. “Where is she?”

“… She escaped.”

“How?!” Hotch demanded.

“… We… we’re not sure… I think the man cleared a path for her…”

“I can’t wait for an ambulance.” Hotch gasped, struggling to his feet.

“Sir, you have to—“

“No… Everything is falling apart around her.” Hotch gasped, stumbling towards one of the cars. “PRENTISS!!” The woman turned and ran over. “We have to get to Willow Ridge.”

“What? Sir, you need a hospital!”

“No. Paloma knows it’s ending for her. She’s going to try to end it on HER terms!” Hotch said, frantically. Prentiss stared at him for a moment, and then her eyes widened.

“… She’s going after Reid…” And as one, the two dark haired agents bolted for the car. 

“You drive.” Hotch ordered, and flung himself into the passenger seat. A moment later, JJ jumped into the back.

“I’m coming with you!”

“So am I!” Said the SWAT Agent who had been trying to stop Hotch. He climbed in beside JJ, and helped her struggle into a ballistics vest. Tires squealed, and the car hurtled down the road.

 

The girl who sat at the front desk at night lay dead on the floor, her throat cut. Two more people lay dead as well… that’s all it took to find out where the target was.

The door to the infirmary creaked open, revealing Paloma carrying a bloody knife. A fourth body lay on the floor behind her. She stood there, staring at the near skeletal body in the bed, a needle in his arm delivering IV fluids, face turned towards the window. Her heart throbbed in anger, and she entered the room. She circled the bed and stood before the window, the moon illuminating the young man’s sleeping face.

“… Cachorro.” She growled, and almost immediately the boy’s eyes snapped open, fear in them. He stared at her. She positioned the knife under his chin and lifted his head with it. “… Get up.” After a moment, Reid slowly began to move. He stood from the bed on shaking legs, not noticing the IV being pulled from his arm. Fluids began to soak the bed, and a thin trail of blood ran down Reid’s arm and dripped from his fingertips.

“… Let’s go.” Paloma said. She took Reid’s hand, just like that day in her Master’s house, and led him from the room. But instead of going down, like that time, she led him up. Slowly and silently they made their way to the roof. And as they did, a black SUV came to a screeching stop in the front lot, and four people leapt out. The Swat Agent went first, automatic weapon up and ready.

The trio of Agents followed, making their way up to the infirmary. They glanced down at each body that they passed. When they got to the infirmary, the door was open. Hotch’s eyes widened and he rushed forwards into the room, gun raised. But it was empty.

“… Spencer…” He gasped, heart pounding. He was… TERRIFIED for his lover.

“Where would they go?” Prentiss asked.

“… Follow the blood.” JJ said softly. Hotch and Prentiss and the SWAT Agent, Jeremy, looked down. Sure enough, small drops of blood created a trail. And they followed it.

 

Reid gasped softly and shivered as they emerged out onto the roof, courtesy of Paloma breaking the lock. The gravel was harsh under Reid’s bare feet, but he didn’t even flinch as he mindlessly followed Paloma across the roof. They both ended up standing side by side at the edge, staring down at the trees.

After several minutes, she turned and stared up at the tall young man.

“Your betrayal can never be forgiven.” She said. Reid blinked, then slowly turned and looked down at her. “I warned you.” She hissed. “I told you… if you ever did anything to hurt him, I would kill you.” Reid lowered his eyes. “Have you nothing to say?” Reid was silent. “… Why did you do it?” The wind blew over them and Reid shivered, but still said nothing. 

Suddenly, his head was whipped to the side as Paloma slapped him. “You’re WORTHLESS!!!” She spat. “… you really think that man wants you? He’s obligated to take care of you!” She watched as Reid opened his eyes, sadness in and fear in them. She began to circle him. “You’re scarred…” She hissed. “Used. You’re nothing but damaged goods. How many have used you?! Why would he want to touch you? Who would EVER want to touch you again?! I still don’t understand why anyone would touch your in the first place. You’re skinny… pale… WEAK.”

Her hand shot out and snagged a handful of his hair. Reid whimpered as she jerked his head back, forcing him to bend backwards and fall to his knees. “… You’re NOTHING. I curse the day you came into this world… it would be better off without you.” And she spat in his face. He did nothing. She readjusted her grip on his hair and forced his head back until it was pressed into her stomach, bearing his white throat. She stared at it, then lifted the blade and pressed it against the smooth skin, admiring the blood gleaming on the blade in contrast with the milky skin of the swanlike neck. 

She was literally trembling in anticipation of seeing him die the same way her master had died. She longed to see him slump to the ground, horror in his eyes as he realized that the end had come. To see him press his hands to his throat to try and stop the blood flow, only to have the crimson fluid spill over his fingers and onto the ground. Watch him go limp, hands falling to the ground as his strength drained out onto the roof with his lifeblood… Watch the light go out of his eyes as he gave a final, gurgling sigh before falling still and silent… 

But there was something else she needed to do first. The knife flashed and Reid’s shirt was torn open. A few more slashes, and it fluttered to the ground in pieces. Reid shivered and closed his eyes, goose bumps rising on every inch of exposed skin. Paloma watched as his chest stilled and his abdomen grew taught as she trailed the tip of the blade down his torso. She pressed it against his side. 

“This is about where you stabbed him, isn’t it?” She hissed into Reid’s ear. He sucked in a breath and closed his eyes, waiting for the pain.

“EVA TORRES!!! FBI! DROP THE KNIFE!” A voice suddenly shouted. 

Hotch, Prentiss, JJ and the SWAT Agent stood there, guns raised.

They stared at Paloma, who had pressed the knife to Reid’s throat again. She was standing behind him, keeping his head back with a ruthless hand in his hair. 

Hotch was stunned. It wasn’t just seeing his lover on his knees with a knife to his throat… it was the sight of his bare torso… and the evidence of how much weight that had been lost. All of his ribs were evident, and his formerly flat stomach was now… concave. His hips and collar bones stood out as sharply as his ribs.

He vaguely noticed the shouting match Prentiss and Paloma were having in Spanish.

But then, he heard the soft mew and he snapped. This bitch had hurt his lover enough… this had to end once and for all.

BANG!

Prentiss and JJ jumped when Hotch pulled the trigger and began to walk towards Reid and Paloma.

BANG!

BANG!

BANG!

BANG!

BANG!

JJ stared in shock as Paloma stumbled back, eyes wide. The knife fell from her fingers, and a moment later blood fell from her lips. There were four holes in her chest, one in the shoulder, and the last had shattered her elbow. She stumbled back, fixing her burning gaze of hatred on Agent Hotchner. But it only lasted a moment before her eyes rolled back. And then she fell back.

“OH!” JJ gasped, and watched as Paloma disappeared silently over the edge of the roof.

Prentiss and JJ glanced at each other as Hotch’s gun clattered to the ground and the man ran to his mate, who had collapsed onto the ground.

“Spencer…” Hotch gasped, gathering the boy into his arms. “It’s over… She’s gone. I promise…” Reid blinked up at the man, but then closed his eyes and turned away from him. “… Spencer?”

Hotch found himself with a sinking feeling. Paloma was gone, yes… but this was far from over… his lover was more damaged than before, and his recovery would be a long one.

He lifted the youth into his arms and carried him back to the door and down the stairs, JJ and Prentiss flanking him.


	12. Chapter 12

Reid woke to the sound of rain beating on the window. He looked around. He was in the infirmary. He blinked, slowly.

“No…” He breathed. His mind spun. No… no no no… but… Paloma… if… no… was it… did it really happen? No… if it had, Hotch would be here. There was no way the man would have left him alone… there was no way he would still be in this place… it was just… but if it HADN’T happened, then… no… No… NO!!!

Reid closed his eyes as he began hyperventilating. “No…” He whimpered, his throat tight from lack of use. He lay there in a panic for a few moments, then bolted upright and got out of bed. He turned and picked up the plant in the corner (the one he had dumped his oatmeal in so long ago) and ran out to the nurse’s station.

“Oh!” The nurse gasped, eyes wide. Reid ignored her. His eyes were on the large window behind her. The nurse let out a scream when Reid hurled the potted plant past her. The window shattered. 

“Stop!” The woman cried. “Dr. Reid! NO!!!” She watched in horror as Reid climbed through the window and onto the building ledge, not noticing the broken glass cutting his feet. He stared out at the fiery colors of the autumn trees, smudged and muted by the sheets of rain. Slowly, he turned and began to walk along the ledge. He passed windows, not noticing the people staring at him on the other side. 

In the day room, someone shouted “Hey! The new kid is committing suicide!” Jay began to ramble about corn flakes being a government conspiracy and Pietrov began screaming in Russian again. Riley just stared in horror as he watched Reid walking along the ledge. 

 

Hotch pulled out of the parking lot of the restaurant. Haley was riding shotgun and Jack was in the back seat. They had just finished a productive dinner in which Hotch had gotten an idea of how Jack wanted his new bedroom in the new house to be like, and when Jack wasn’t paying attention, he and Haley had engaged in arguing over Hotch moving into a house with Reid in as civil a manner as they could. Haley was STILL not happy about her husband sleeping with the young Doctor, and was still against allowing her son see this relationship. 

When Hotch’s phone rang, she sighed and rolled her eyes. She had learned a long time ago to dread his phone…

“Hotchner.” Hotch answered. She looked over at him. And she was watching when he went pale, his eyes widening. “… what?” He gasped. “… God… I… I’ll be right there!” And he threw the phone aside and looked at Haley. “You’re coming with me. I don’t have time to drop you off.”

“What now?!” She hissed, angrily. “Did your BOYFRIEND have a NIGHTMARE?!”

“… Spencer’s out on the ledge of the third floor of Willow Ridge.” Hotch murmured softly so Jack wouldn’t hear. Haley stared.

“… Is… is he going to jump?!”

“… That’s what they’re afraid of.” Hotch said, turning on the lights and stomping down on the gas. 

“AARON!!! DON’T YOU DARE!!!” Haley cried. “NOT WITH YOUR SON IN THE CAR!!!”

“GO DADDY!!!” Jack cheered. “Can I hit the siren?!”

“Not from back there, Buddy.” Hotch called over his shoulder.

“Can I come up front?”

“Not right now, Jack.” Hotch said.

“Aaron, slow down!”

“Faster, Daddy, Faster!”

“Jack! NO!!!” Haley cried. “AARON!!! RED LIGHT!!!”

“SIREN, DADDY!!!” Hotch threw the switch and Jack cheered in delight as the siren began to scream. Hotch leaned on the horn, and blew through the red light and tore down the road, watching cars moving to get out of his way. 

The drive seemed to take forever to Hotch, but finally, Willow Ridge came into view. Several FBI issue SUV’s were already there, and a tent had been set up with equipment. Hotch pulled the vehicle to a stop right by the tent and ran over through the cold rain.

“Where is he?!” He demanded. Rossi turned and looked at him, then handed him a pair of binoculars. 

“Third floor. The corner. He’s between the two gargoyles.” The veteran profiler told him. Hotch raised the binoculars and peered through, allowing Morgan to wire him with a microphone.

Sure enough, he found his lover curled up hugging his knees to his chest, huddled down between two gargoyles that were about as big as he was. He was soaking wet, and the pale blue pajamas were plastered to his skin. His lips were blue. 

Hotch lowered the binoculars and blankly passed them off to whoever was beside him.

“I’m going up there.” He said, and ran for the door of the building. 

Haley stared after him, then looked down at the binoculars he had passed her. She then turned and stared after her ex husband, allowing her son to swipe the binoculars to play with.

Inside, Hotch made his way up to the infirmary, and despite the shouts of the police and doctors, he climbed out onto the ledge and stared down the length of the building, blinking rapidly in the rain. Slowly, he began to make his way down the narrow ledge towards the corner of the building. Within a few steps, he was soaked to the bone.

“Spencer?” Hotch called. Slowly, Reid opened his eyes. Hotch slowly knelt and held out a hand. “Spencer… please… come to me, baby… let’s go in and get out of the rain.” Reid winced and closed his eyes again. “Spencer, PLEASE.” Hotch called. “Don’t to this.”

“Hotch, you need to get back inside, man.” Morgan called to the Unit Chief over the radio. Hotch ignored him.

“Spencer, please look at me.” Hotch begged. He watched as Reid began to rock himself.

Down in the parking lot, the team, the police, the staff and Hotch’s wife listened to the man pleading with the broken youth. JJ was chewing her fingernails, and Emily stood off to the side, staring up at the building ledge.

Morgan was leaning over the table, bracing his weight on his hands. Rossi had one hand on the table and the other on his hip.

But everyone turned when Jack suddenly spoke up.

“What’s Daddy doing up there?” He was peering through the binoculars. 

“… Daddy is up there because Dr. Reid needs his help.” Haley said, gently brushing her hand over her son’s hair and taking the binoculars from him.

“Daddy’s gonna save him?”

“… He’s going to try.” Haley said. Hotch’s voice again came over the radio.

“Please Spencer… please come to me… please… I love you, baby… don’t leave me…” 

Tears came to Haley’s eyes. 

“Spencer, PLEASE! Don’t do this… don’t leave me alone… you… I need you… You’re my HEART, Spencer…”

Haley sobbed… Aaron had never said that to HER before!

“I… please don’t make me live without you. I don’t think I can… I…” Everyone listening could hear the desperation in the man’s tone.

“Haley…” Rossi gasped, whirling. “I need Jack.”

Back up on the ledge, Hotch was still trying to get Reid to take his hand. “Spencer… baby… PLEASE…”

Slowly, Reid moved to stand. But he didn’t look at the man’s outstretched hand. He slowly walked over to the very edge of the ledge until his toes were literally hanging over the edge.

“SPENCER?!” Hotch shouted. Slowly, Reid turned and looked at Hotch. “Spencer…?”

“… I’m no good anymore…” The boy said softly. “And I’m tired of fighting. I’m sorry.” And he closed his eyes. But as he began to lean back, a voice reached them over a megaphone.

“Hi Docto’Weed.” Hotch’s eyes widened and Reid’s eyes snapped open in shock. “What are you doin’?”

“… Jack?” Reid gasped, and slowly turned and looked down at the parking lot. There, he saw a tent, protecting everyone from the rain. And under that tent was a table. And Jack was sitting on it. Rossi was talking to the little boy, while Morgan held a phone up to the child’s face. A moment later, Hotch’s phone rang. And then the man called out.

“Spencer… it’s for you…” And Hotch reached out. With a shaking hand, Reid accepted the offered phone and lifted it to his ear.

“… Jack?”

“Hi, Weed!”

“Hi, Jack.” Reid said softly.

“Why are you in the rain? You’re getting wet!”

“… I… Yeah… I guess I am.”

“Come inside! You can get warm and dry and we can have cocoa!!!”

“I… I don’t know if I can.”

“Daddy will help you!” Jack informed him. “Will you play with me when you’re dry? Please?”

“I… I…”

“Don’t make daddy sad…” Jack told him. Reid blinked and looked at Hotch, tears running down his face. Hotch had tears in his eyes as well. “He loves you.” Reid let out a soft, gasping sob. 

“Jack, I… I can’t, I…” Reid turned and looked at Hotch. “Don’t do this to me…” He gasped, his tears coming faster and faster as he pleaded with the man desperately. “Please… don’t make me keep going like this…” Hotch just stared at him, and Reid saw so much in his eyes… anguish over the pain his young lover was in… fear that he couldn’t stop him from taking the fatal plunge… and utter dread at the though of outliving his broken little mate…

“Please…” Hotch whispered. “Please…” But Reid turned away and Hotch found himself staring at his lover, balanced on the brink of disaster once more.

“Weed?”

“… Yes, Jack?” Reid asked softly.

“I love you, too.”

Reid froze. The phone slipped from his fingers and plummeted down three storied to smash on the ground. Then Reid’s face fell into his hands, and he cried. Hotch’s heart clenched when he saw his lover sway on the spot, and he just acted.

Reid gasped softly when he felt strong arms wrap around him, and then he was pulled back away from the edge and into a safe embrace. He vaguely heard Hotch call, “I’ve got him.” And he allowed Hotch to guide him back to the nearest open window. Hands reached through and Hotch passed the boy to them, and then assisted Hotch through. As soon as he was in, though, the Unit Chief dropped to his knees and pulled Spencer Reid close. And then he just held him as the boy fell apart within his arms, sobbing hopelessly. Several minutes later, the team got to them, Haley and Jack with them. Jack blinked, then walked over and tugged on Reid’s sleeve.

“Weed?” He asked, softly. Reid’s sobs hitched and quieted, and Reid turned and looked at the little boy. “Why are you sad?” Reid just stared at him, then lowered his eyes. Jack blinked, then leaned over, wrapped his arms around Reid’s neck, and hugged him. “Daddy, he’s WET and COLD!!!” And Jack kissed Reid’s cheek. Haley clenched her fists, but watched the young man close his eyes, tears flooding down his cheeks. Hotch smiled slightly and ran a hand up and down the little boy’s back.

“Dr. Reid is hurt and sick, Jack.” The man told his son. “He’s having a very hard time.”

“He needs a bubble bath and hot cocoa!!!” Jack announced. Hotch smiled slightly.

“It’s a start.” The man said. Jack let go of Reid and took his mother’s hand. 

Everyone stood around, watching Hotch hold Reid close.

“Spencer…” The man whispered. “Why did you do it?”

“… Paloma. She was here… I… She… Bur then you were there… and… that was the last thing I remembered… then I woke up and I was still in here. And you weren’t there… if Paloma had really been there, had REALLY tried to kill me… then I wouldn’t still be here. And you would be with me. But I woke up here… alone… so it didn’t happen. I… I was… hallucinating… having episodes… I… I really am like my mom…” And he started to cry again. 

Hotch closed his eyes, a pained expression on his face. 

Haley turned away… it had been HER fault that Hotch hadn’t been by Reid’s side when the boy awoke. She had INSISTED that Hotch come have lunch with Jack and herself. And by insisted, it was meant that she bitched him out over the phone for about forty five minutes until he finally gave in.

“Oh God… no baby…” Hotch breathed. “I… I am SO sorry, Spencer… there was something I had to do… You weren’t hallucinating. It was real. And… I just… I… I’m sorry… But it’s all over now.”

“Aaron?”

“Yes?”

“Please… don’t leave me here again.”

“I won’t. I’m taking you away from this place. Right now. I PROMISE.”

“Take me home?” Reid asked, softly. He watched as the Unit Chief’s face fell.

“I… I can’t.” Hotch whispered. Reid tensed, eyes wide. “Spencer… you’re NOT crazy. But you need help.” Hotch sighed. “You’re going to spend a couple of weeks at a facility near home. And you’ll be getting treatment with Dr. Melinda Blair.” He gave the boy a hopeful smile. “You like her, remember?”

“You’re… locking me up?” Reid gasped, leaning away from the man.

“No.” Hotch told him. “It’s outpatient treatment. Look, this is how it will go. You are going to spend one week there. Then you can come home. You will see Dr. Blair every day. But when I have to leave on a case, you will go to the facility and stay there until I come back. But you can leave it during the day. You can even go visit Garcia when the team is out on a case. But you will have a curfew. Please understand, this is for your protection.”

“I know.” Reid said softly. 

“… You do?” Hotch asked, surprised. 

“… I’m a mess, Hotch…” Reid sniffled, shivering. “And… I know I need help.”

“You’ll go?”

“Yes.” Reid said, and Hotch hugged him tightly. “I want to get better.” Reid whimpered, then sobbed. “I want my life back!!!” And he clung to his lover, and cried. Hotch just held him. The pair were left alone, and Hotch just let Reid get it all out. Finally, Reid was quiet. When Hotch checked on him, his lover was fast asleep, tear tracks on his face. Hotch sighed, gathering his agent into his arms and standing. Then he looked at the team.

“JJ… can you gather his belongings?” He asked. JJ nodded and turned, heading for Reid’s room. Hotch turned and made his way out, taking Reid away from Willow Ridge. For good.

 

Reid awoke in a strange room, but he was warm in comfortable bed. He slowly turned and soft, female voices. Two women stood in the corner, talking quietly. He blinked. It was his physician and therapist.

“… Dr. Blair? Dr. Tsai?” Reid murmured. The women stopped and turned, then smiled.

“There you are.” Dr. Blair greeted cheerfully. She walked over and wrapped her arms around the young man. Reid smiled and hugged back. After Dr. Carlson, Dr. Devereux and Dr. Harris, it was a relief to see a doctor he knew and trusted to take care of him.

“How are you feeling, Dr. Reid?” Dr. Tsai asked, the tall brunette giving him a warm, motherly look over the rims of her small glasses.

Reid smiled back. “… Okay, I guess.” He said. 

“When you’re up to it, I want to do a full physical.”

“Okay.”

“And I want to do a full evaluation.” Dr. Blair added.

“Okay.” Reid said again. “… Where’s Aaron?”

“You were exhausted. You’ve been sleeping for eighteen hours.” Dr. Tsai said. “We had your team come in and take him to get something to eat and freshen up.”

“Good.” Reid nodded, then looked around.

“This is the McBride Psychiatric Treatment Center.” Dr. Blair said. “I do work here for patients with PTSD and other similar conditions. This is NOT a long term care facility. And only a fraction of the patients reside here. Now, this room is going to be on reserve for you until further notice. You will stay here for a week while we get you healthy again. And then you will switch to outpatient. You will stay here when—“

“When my team is out of town on a case, I know.” Reid said

“Are you okay with that?” Dr. Blair asked.

“I… Yeah. I think I am.” Reid said with a small smile. “Honestly… just knowing that I’m not crazy, and that I’m not going to be institutionalized for the rest of my life… it really makes a big difference. Things aren’t… hopeless anymore.” The two doctors smiled at him. But Dr. Blair was concerned. There was something in his eyes. She knew he had a long way to go.

“Can we do your physical, now?” Dr. Tsai asked. “Or do you want some time to settle in?”

“Now is fine.” Reid said. “May as well get it over with.”

“I’ll give you some privacy, then.” Dr. Blair said, and left the room. She went to get some coffee. As she headed back to the room, she smiled.

“Agent Hotchner!” She called. The man turned about to knock on Reid’s bedroom door. He smiled and lowered his hand, and walked over.

“How is he?” He asked.

“He’s okay. Knowing that the diagnosis Dr. Carlson gave him was false gave him hope again. I think he’s going to be okay with treatment.”

“Good.” Hotch said, nodding. Then he knocked.

“Who is it?” He heard Dr. Tsai call.

“It’s Aaron Hotchner!” Hotch called back.

“Come in!” Reid chirped, and Hotch smiled at the eager tone in the boy’s voice. He opened the door and stepped in, closing it behind him as Dr. Blair declined to enter with him. Reid was sitting on the edge of the bed in his underwear, and Dr. Tsai was listening to his heart. Hotch smiled at Reid, and Reid gave him a small smile in return. Dr. Tsai asked Reid to turn around. The young man did as he was asked, turning and kneeling on his knees on the bed, and sitting back on his heels. He bowed his head as he felt the stethoscope press against his back.

“Slow, deep breaths.” Dr. Tsai said. Hotch’s smile faded as he took in his lover’s body. He watched the pronounced rib cage expand with each inhale. He watched the bony shoulders rise and fall with each breath. He frowned at the sight of the sharp shoulder blades protruding from his back, and the ridges of each vertebrae in his spine. Concern overtook his face. His lover was emaciated. And it made him sick to see it.

He watched Dr. Tsai removed Reid’s splint and check his wrist, and discuss having a follow up X-Ray done. Then she removed the bandages on his left elbow, checking where he had scratched himself bloody, and then she checked the self-inflicted gouges in his biceps. 

Reid faced her again and she took out a penlight, shining it in his eyes, then sticking a tongue depressor into his mouth the checking his throat. Reid gave Hotch a small smile again as she checked his ears, and then he lay back as she did an abdominal palpation.

“I don’t see any reason to do an internal exam. All the internal injuries from your abduction should have healed.” Dr. Tsai said and Reid sat up, smiling as she handed him his pajamas.

“Everything okay?” Hotch asked.

“His injuries are healing fine.” Dr. Tsai said. “Right now my concern is his obvious state of malnutrition.” Reid pulled on his clothes. “I think his main PHYSICAL concern for the first week he spends here will be getting his stomach used to eating again.”

“Can I have coffee?” Reid asked.

“No.” Dr. Tsai and Hotch said in unison. Reid pouted.

“Are you ready to talk to Dr. Blair?” Dr. Tsai asked.

“Once I get some coffee.” Reid grumbled.

“Spencer…” Hotch growled, sternly.

“… Alright, alright…” Reid sighed, and Dr. Tsai went to get Dr. Blair. While She was gone, Hotch walked over to his lover and sat down on the bedside.

“… You have some visitors.” He said, gently.

“Really?” Reid asked. “Who?” 

Hotch smiled and went to the door, peeking out. “You can come in now.”

Reid looked up, and stared. Sirena and Aguilo walked in, Winters behind them. Reid tensed at the sight of Aguilo. But Sirena ran forward and threw her arms around his neck. Reid blinked, then lowered his head and returned the embrace.

“Are you okay?” She asked.

“I… I am. Yes.” Reid said softly, looking up when Aguilo walked over.

“… I’m sorry.” Aguilo said to him. “For everything.” Reid stared at him for a long time, then nodded. “Jaguar is sorry, too. He’s… in a hospital. He’s getting help.”

“For what?” Reid asked.

“… Whenever Master left, Paloma was in charge. After Master died, Jaguar turned to her. He was… dependent on her.” Aguilo explained. Reid slowly nodded. “The rest of us, she intimidated until we became like Jaguar.” 

“That’s why Preciosa wouldn’t come. She’s afraid of Paloma.” Sirena said. Reid nodded again.’

“Paloma is dead now.” Reid said softly.

“Yes.” Sirena said with a grin. “Now JAGUAR is finally free.”

“We ALL are.” Aguilo said. “Thanks to you.” Reid nodded yet again, then looked up at Aguilo.

“… What is your name?” He asked. Aguilo smiled.

“Armando.” And the two young men clasped hands.

The rest of the day was a whirlwind of people for Reid. His team, the staff of the McBride facility, and his evaluation with Dr. Blair. When bedtime arrived, he was relieved. Hotch was there with him, and the man’s presence eased the fear that still dwelt within him, despite the attempts of everyone to make him feel comfortable in the McBride Center.

Reid smiled up at the man as he tucked him in, caressing his face with his fingers and smoothing down his hair, damp from the shower. Then Hotch leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss to Reid’s forehead. 

“You look so tired.” He chuckled. “Get some sleep. I’ll come see you in the morning, okay?” Reid smiled and nodded.

“Okay.” He said. Hotch picked up a duffel bag and reached in, pulling out the Bedtime Bear Reid had been clinging to at Willow Ridge. Reid blinked, then grinned and reached out, taking it. He held it, and stared at it, running his fingers over the worn fur of the plush toy, and tracing the embroidered moon patch sewn to the bear’s tummy.

“I’ve never seen it before. What is it?” Hotch asked.

“Mom bought it for me. A few weeks before I was born. She said… every child had to have a special toy when they’re born. When she went into labor, she took it to the hospital with her. It was in my basinet before I was.” Reid grinned, bringing a smile to the elder’s face. “You know… when I was born, I was really little. My bear was the same size as me.” Hotch grinned. “I… I slept with him every night. And then I went to college. And… I packed him away in a box in the back of the closet. Stuffed toys had no place in college. College was for grown ups. And… I just…” Reid sighed.

“Get some sleep, Spencer.” Hotch said, cupping the boy’s cheek in his hand and running his thumb over the line of his cheekbone. Reid rolled over onto his side and cuddled his bear close, allowing his eyes to fall closed. And Hotch stayed with him until he fell asleep.

“He’s going to be okay.” Hotch turned and looked at Dr. Blair. She smiled and walked over. “He’s in good hands now.”

“I know.” Hotch said. 

“He’ll be home before you know it.” Dr. Blair told him, and Hotch smiled.

“… I know.” Hotch said again, gently brushing his knuckles down Reid’s cheek. “I know.” He leaned over and kissed his lover’s cheek, then left him to sleep.

 

END


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